Im so nervous! why does it have to be this way? panic issues! help ASAP?!
Question: ok so i was in a abusive relationship last year and im just starting to get back in the swing of things.. i finally got another bf and thought it would be great until i started worrying he would hurt me just like the other guy did to me. even when he puts his arm on my shoulder, i flinch thinking he might hit me or touch me.. i thought this would go great.. all i want is my love life back.. today he just had his arm around me and leaned close all the sudden i saw a flashback of me being hurt! i had to run away into the girls bathroom becuase i was so shocked. please how do i tell my bf (i already tired txting him but he hasnt replyed) we have a date this wkend and idk what im going to do HELP!
Answers: ok so i was in a abusive relationship last year and im just starting to get back in the swing of things.. i finally got another bf and thought it would be great until i started worrying he would hurt me just like the other guy did to me. even when he puts his arm on my shoulder, i flinch thinking he might hit me or touch me.. i thought this would go great.. all i want is my love life back.. today he just had his arm around me and leaned close all the sudden i saw a flashback of me being hurt! i had to run away into the girls bathroom becuase i was so shocked. please how do i tell my bf (i already tired txting him but he hasnt replyed) we have a date this wkend and idk what im going to do HELP!
It might help you to share how you feel with someone, especially with your boyfriend. If the guy you are currently with now is really supportive and loving and not abusive, maybe you can sit down and talk to him and just bring up the last guy. If he seems open to the idea about talking about the past, maybe you can bring up some of the abuse. Be careful though, you don't want to a) make him feel like you just assume he will be abusive or b) give the impression that you are going to put up with or ever allow abuse again.
If he really is supportive, he will listen, sympathize, and maybe even lend a shoulder for you to cry on the next time. That to me sounds like a good way to bond and not be scared of him.
All this said, if you had serious abuse, you should get professional help, either through a school counselor or some other place (county, church, community center, etc.). If you are too scared and just want friends to talk to, emails or phone conversations can be a start, but you should try and get help from a real professional as soon as possible.
Take care of yourself and remember that you are important, that your past relationships don't define you, and that you have a way to go, and that the panic will not follow you all the way (believe me it will die down over time if you take care of yourself).
Good luck!
I feel for you Hun, that sucks but honestly it sounds like you have some serious issues with it. You might consider a counsellor of some sort to help you through it. I would tell him face to face about your past experience and remember he is not the same person and you need to constantly remind yourself of that. If he cares enough about you he will try to help if he doesn't it maybe a good Idea to go solo a bit till you have worked out your fears. Again may want to talk to someone (professional ) about it also.
Hi There!
Listen you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him you need to get used to the not being hurt thing so if he can take is even more slow then normal in a relationship, or ask him to ask you before he touches you so you know and don't have to be so scared... I hope he understands coming out of something like this is a big responsibility for him.... he has to make sure you understand it is okay to be with him and to make sure you feel safe with him... if you feel safe with him then do as I said earlier talk to him but if you do not feel safe then don't date until you do fel comfortable again that way you don't break anyones heart.
Try talking with him if he understands that's great if not then I think you need more tiem to get used to having your life back be friends with him until you are more comfortable.
Hoep that helps.... and everything will be okay just don't let i happen again because it is very unhealthy for anyone to go through and talk to someone right away if it does... when they say it will never happen again they really mean next time it is going to be worse.
:) B+A
well first of all u should talk to ur bf about ur love life! hell understnad just learn to trust him i hope ull be ok!! =]
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through and I'm positive that if your current boyfriend knows what has happened to you in the past, he will understand and even help you cope with your situation. It is up to you if you trust him enough to confide him something so personal. Let him know how much you care about him and how your mind is under trauma from your past. Since it has been only 1 year, it might take some more time to leave everything in the past but both of you can work this out. Good luck
once you begin to completely trust him, this will change. I think it would be good if you are open with your concerns. Tell him so he will be more aware and sensive
Well you got to get over your fears if you want to have a relationship with anyone because you can not hold that against him just because one man did you wrong. I know its hard but you got to just trust that person and hope that he will not do the same thing to you like that other dude who is a ***** for abusing a woman.
i think your boyfriend would want to know this and should have sympathy and understanding for you if he's a decent man. try talking to a therapist, there are professionals out there and people who have been in your shoes. you are not alone, you need a support system. you need to face your issues and talk it out others, your boyfriend, friends, anyone who will listen. thats the only way to understand you issues and move past them. be strong and confident, everyone deserves to be happy.
View the techniques for control of panic attacks, in section 8, at ezy build, below. Begin by holding your breath for 5, or 10 seconds: this will give you the confidence to realise that YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR BREATHING, but not pass out, or die (your autonomic nervous system resumes breathing, if unconscious). Understand panic attacks, and what triggers them, in your life (if it is unresolved anxiety, see section 6). The paper bag method works for most people: try it. If you are fairly suggestible, the following are reliable: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/
Your last alternative is psychotherapy, to address its fundamental cause: read section 1, and examine the http://www.1-800-therapist.org/ website, and use the locators, and phone book. I used to suffer from panic attacks, until I questioned what had changed recently in my life, to trigger them? I suggest that you learn, then practise the controlled breathing technique, until competent, then employ it, at the very first sign of a panic attack. http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Flashbacks are often associated with PTSD. See PTSD, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on pages 33 - 34, and examine the http://www.1-800-therapist.org/ website, and use the locators in section 1, and phone book, and/or various associations for psychiatrists and psychologists, to find the nearest one using EMDR therapy. If unable to afford it, contact the county/local mental health agency: any therapy on offer may prove helpful, particularly if combined with appropriate medication. View www.drdrew.com on abuse. Adolescent Crisis Intervention & Counseling Nineline
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you need some counseling, go to a please to get the help you need , are call hot line and some one can help direct you to the nearest programs in your area , but you need to get help and for the anxiety maybe see your family doctor ,and tell him what you said here , and i would call my bf up and talk to him , and if he still don't answer, than try texting him and tell him about the abuse, and he don't get back to you, than its time to move on,and you really need help please do that for yourself,, i went thew the same thing with a ex boyfriend, he had a bad temper any little then could set him off he was physical and verbally abusive, and it took me about a year to trust anyone again i was on nerve pills i met a wonderful man ,now hes my husband and we have two beautiful daughters, and hes a lovable man, and he understood about the ex being abusive hes never hit me yell at me are never called me names just go talk to the new b/f, he will probably understand,good-luck kid, and i would never allow my girls to put up with that **** , your be alright , never, ever, put up with that again in your life time