Is it Wrong that I'm Extremely Jealous of Kids Half My Age??!
Question: Is it Wrong that I am almost 30 and INSANELY jealous of kids and teens half my age and more for being able participate in all the events like Sweet Sixteen parties, Prom and other stuff that I missed out on, or was never given the opportunity to experience?
I feel really guilty for being jealous of kids, but I can't help it! Like the other day, I was hearing a friend talk about and show me pictures of her great, lavish Sweet Sixteen party, and I just wanted to tell her to shut up about it - I never got a Sweet Sixteen party, or any party after my 9th birthday, for that matter. Being shown the pics of her having this great time decked out in gorgeous diamond & other jewel studded/beaded bridal quality type gown, made me so jealous, that deep down, I just wanted to grab the photos and rip them to shreds!
Is there something wrong with me??
Am I wrong because I am jealous of teens who still have all the memorable experience, like Prom, in front of them??
Answers: Is it Wrong that I am almost 30 and INSANELY jealous of kids and teens half my age and more for being able participate in all the events like Sweet Sixteen parties, Prom and other stuff that I missed out on, or was never given the opportunity to experience?
I feel really guilty for being jealous of kids, but I can't help it! Like the other day, I was hearing a friend talk about and show me pictures of her great, lavish Sweet Sixteen party, and I just wanted to tell her to shut up about it - I never got a Sweet Sixteen party, or any party after my 9th birthday, for that matter. Being shown the pics of her having this great time decked out in gorgeous diamond & other jewel studded/beaded bridal quality type gown, made me so jealous, that deep down, I just wanted to grab the photos and rip them to shreds!
Is there something wrong with me??
Am I wrong because I am jealous of teens who still have all the memorable experience, like Prom, in front of them??
Actually, what you are experiencing is not all that unusual for adult children of parents with serious illnesses. It's sort of a form of post-trauma. I mean, it's not, but there are some similarities. At a young age, you had to become a care taker of sorts. That isn't supposed to be the role of the child, but under some circumstances it just turns out that way. Sorry.
Since it sounds like your feelings are very strong and have been bottled up for quite some time (both normal), you would do yourself a great service spending a little time with a therapist with this type of experience. It's not about weakness. It's about a desire for health. If you could have gotten yourself there on your own, you already would have done so. Really, what you describe is not unusual. It's more a question of whether you want to spend the rest of your life living with it.
Instead of looking at what you have missed....look at what you have. Jealousy is a form of discontentment. It comes from a bad thought life. Control your thoughts.
Philip. 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
It's human nature to feel this way. Your background is perfectly understandable; you aren't the only one going through this.
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I think what you are experiencing is really normal, although using the word "insanely" to describe you jealousy might be weird. Sometimes I wish I could be that young again, too. Maybe it is that we didn't get to do enough when we were kids (for whatever reason), and now that we see how much fun we missed it is a bitter pill to swallow. Just remember that your jeaolousy isn't going to fix your past or deminish what other kids will get to experience. If it starts to infringe on yor life, then it is time to talk t someone about it.
I would recommend you getting help. If your jealousy is stopping you from doing other things, then it's definitely wrong. Talking about it to someone might help you let go of all that bitterness bottled up inside you for such a long time.
Why don't you get some Barbie dolls and act out how you wish your past could've been. Then when you get over the fact that it wasn't, cut their hair and melt them on a charcoal grill. Quit feeling sorry for yourself! Did you know that there are children in Africa who have AIDS? That Genocide is happening in Darfur? That females get their genitals sliced up to disempower them? You gotta talk to a professional and work this out. Besides, high school sucks. You are placing more value on it than it really deserves. PS-I didn't have a sweet 16 party and I am glad because only dumb preppy girls do that sort of thing.
I don't think that you are being unreasonable. Heck, im 20 and I look at what some of these kids are getting and get jealous and moody about it.
But just dont let it ruin your life or what you do have now. If you are stable, having a good healthy life, have a good job, raising a good family, then thats all that really matters. So what if they had a Sweet-16 party.....they are no better than you because of it, just had a 4- hour party one night that nobody else other than them probably remembers.
And if you are upset about what you didnt get and thought that you got jypped if you will, if/when you do have kids, try to give them some of the stuff that you didn't. Might be able to put your mind to rest a little
jealousy is a deep rooted fear that you will never be good enough..and its VERY hard to overcome. only with self love and acceptance will tou get over it, nothing else.