Did i do right thing?!
Question: i sufferred really bad abuse all categories at the hands of my dad when i was 11.i have had depression on and off and am in a depressive state now.my dad is now 62 and has spent most of his life in prison for burglary he is out now and at my aunts as he has no home and no-one wants to know him.my doctor said depression is surpressed anger so hearing this i phoned him and said what a monster he was and how i am scarred for life by his abuse.he used to also beat dogs and i would hear them howl it really is bad his reaction on the fone was to say what kind of daughter was i!! isaid u were an adult.anyway my point is i wanted to vent my anger and let him know how he hurt me cos i cannot move on
Answers: i sufferred really bad abuse all categories at the hands of my dad when i was 11.i have had depression on and off and am in a depressive state now.my dad is now 62 and has spent most of his life in prison for burglary he is out now and at my aunts as he has no home and no-one wants to know him.my doctor said depression is surpressed anger so hearing this i phoned him and said what a monster he was and how i am scarred for life by his abuse.he used to also beat dogs and i would hear them howl it really is bad his reaction on the fone was to say what kind of daughter was i!! isaid u were an adult.anyway my point is i wanted to vent my anger and let him know how he hurt me cos i cannot move on
Yeah, I kinda took my dad to the cleaners a while back as well, and funny enough I was depressed at the time too...
It didn't make me feel any better. What worked however, was when I started learing to forgive him. I'm still going through that process of forgiving now, but the weight is lighter.
Its no easy task to forgive, it takes a lot of Love and understanding and compassion.
See it from his point of view for example; maybe he's ignorant, maybe he was abused himself, never forgave the perpetrator, carried all the anger in him and wham, his immediate environment suffers...Imagine the degree of hurt and pain he's unable to deal with that's causing him to cause pain to others..
The important thing is for you to heal, and only LOVE can do that. And that comes from TRUTH and Understanding. Do not under-estimate the importance of understanding, its the key to forgiveness. Do not under-estimate the power of TRUTH, its the key to Understanding.
Good Luck
Yes, you did. When we are abused by someone as children, especially parents, it is especially devastating. Here is someone who brought you into this world, and now he is harming you.
There are other ways to vent your anger. You can write a letter, and then burn it, shred it, or just get rid of it.
Exercise and keeping a journal also help to get the anger out.
Don't keep it bottled up.
You are wise beyond your years. Have you considered counseling as a profession?
Good luck! Be safe, and be good to yourself.
that can be a good way to adress your suppressed anger, to confront it. if you don't see a counsellor, you may want to look into it.
I think you were right to do this. I know someone who was mentally and physically (non-sexual) abused by her mother. Even now she is in her 50s her mother still blames her, saying she was a naughty child! (but she wasn't, she was too scared!) So don't let him make you feel bad, whatever happens. Sounds like he's not going to repent though, unfortunately, so your vented anger will be landing on deaf ears - but if it helps to dispel the anger, then good for you.
as my own reaction would have been
what kind of father and person were you
then yes you did the right thing
he is lucky he is not in prison for what he did to you
now cut him completely out of your life because he certainly does not deserve to be in it.
You were not right. But not wrong, either.
You negated him and his needs and chanelled something you should have dealt with long ago into a situation that should have been happier for all - fresh start etc.
But you did what you had to do.
It is sad that you think your punishment goes on, even though he was the one in prison.
Your dad may have changed. Or may have not.
But you are the one who carries the burden, not him.
Only you can free yourself.
Do not contact him again; heal yourself and concentrate on your emotions and needs.
When you are whole, you can meet him again and the past will be cleansed.
Not time for that yet.
I can't pretend to be an expert, but to my simple way of thinking you have done the right thing. As you rightly say, he was the adult and you were the unwilling victim of his bad temper and bad parenting. If speaking to him has moved you just an inch towards putting things behind you then it was truly worth doing. His reaction was appalling; after all - what sort of father was he?! Even if he is beyond redemption and would not ever consider any apology to you it is your duty to yourself to let him know how you feel. Why should you protect him when he should have been protecting you? Look after yourself and remember to put yourself first in this matter.
No doubt about it, you did the right thing. When I started reading this I was expecting you to say you'd hired a hit man or something. When a person does things like that, you'd have to do a LOT worse than a phone call before it became potentially "not the right thing." Have you ever told the police what he did to you? Because he should be in jail for that for as long as he lives. (I have a big problem with people who take advantage of innocents. Any sort of abuse, especially with children, is basically unforgivable in my book.)
I'm not sure I would have done this. I was violently abused also.
it may not necessarily be safe to express all this.
I would be cautious.
You have to have the right opportunity and wait until he's repentant and talks to you about it.
I still to this day and my dad is 73 don't feel that I really have the freedom to discuss these issues.
It isn't always best or appropriate to vent feelings - get a therapist you can tell him / her but I dont' know if I'[d tell your dad at least not until you know he's open to hear it.
yah you did the right thing, but did you do anything to get those beatings, because i do remember that teachers had the right to do those things also
You were definately right to tell someone....and hpopefully hes got what he deserves...you have never deserved to be treated in this way and it needed to be stopped....i know how badly depression affects people ....your were so strong and brave to tell someone and now its been sorted so well done ! :D ....it was defineatly the right thing ...iu wish i had the confidence you have =] ....have you had counselling because i know how hard it is but its in the past and how ever hard you suffer it wont change it and i know how hard it is but try tpo move on and look to the future ...best wishes....x x x x
If its all true, then this man is not worthy of any consideration in life.
Yes you must get pent up frustration out... But be strong move away from him... dont go anywhere near him... he is nothing .. he shouldnt exist... the only good thing about him is your creation.
So be thankful that you are extant... realising that he only planted the seed, for a 'father' to be considered worthy he has to earn his place in your life and heart...... if it was a fella who you thought you may fancy and you found out that this backround was similar... you wouldnt go there.........
so YOU must move on for your own sanity.... find something worthwhile, in life .... read Martine Mclutcheons book and Boy George's Mother's book and even Jade Goody's book
these people and hundreds more have got away from similar situations and made it......... it is a struggle... but u must do it.
I think you did what you needed to do for your own peace of mind as far as how your dad reacted sounds like he has played games before and knows how to get to you you are not responsible for his feelings So put your mind at ease and do what you need to do for you.
you sure did do the right thing hun your expressing your anger with that your faceing all your fears which is really good.. you will be able to move on as your not the frightened little girl anymore ..
like you i suffered yrs off all abuse.. since the age of 7 up untill a teenager.. suffered from depression on and off.. it ruined my relationships..and like you i couldnt move on..
last year was my lowest itryed to end my life through it all.. and that was a wake up call 4 i decided enough was enough and decided to do something about it.. i went to child and adult protection and reported it...
the best thing i done as ive faced my demon and now im able 2 move on..hes not going to win..
if theres anyway i can help please mail me..i could go on and on here..
always remember you have done nothibg wrong.. and there is people out there who can help..
take care hun. xx
You did what you needed to do but do you feel better for it ? Just remember though that bitterness only hurts those who feel it................
well when you are abuse by someone, like your parents, it might be for a reason. MAybe you did something that might have annoyed him try talking to him. Try understanding him