How can I learn to stop being so hard on myself?!
Question: I am a worry wart and I am too hard on myself. Other people tell me the same thing as well. I worry about things that I have no control over. I am very sociable and easy to get a long with, but I find that I always have to "watch" how I act around others. I am always concerned that I may say or do the wrong thing. I am always worried that people won't like me if I say something out of line. We all do it, but for some reason I am so hard on myself.
For instance, we had a get together at our house yesterday for the superbowl. I had three or four drinks, but the drinks were pretty strong, and although I wasn't drunk I was tipsy and became even more talkative (I talk a lot as it is). My husband's friend thought it was funny because he's never seen me that loose before (I am pretty conservative). The other people didn't seem to have a problem either. But today I am so worried. I just feel like "What if somebody has a different perception of me now?".
Answers: I am a worry wart and I am too hard on myself. Other people tell me the same thing as well. I worry about things that I have no control over. I am very sociable and easy to get a long with, but I find that I always have to "watch" how I act around others. I am always concerned that I may say or do the wrong thing. I am always worried that people won't like me if I say something out of line. We all do it, but for some reason I am so hard on myself.
For instance, we had a get together at our house yesterday for the superbowl. I had three or four drinks, but the drinks were pretty strong, and although I wasn't drunk I was tipsy and became even more talkative (I talk a lot as it is). My husband's friend thought it was funny because he's never seen me that loose before (I am pretty conservative). The other people didn't seem to have a problem either. But today I am so worried. I just feel like "What if somebody has a different perception of me now?".
Hi there..
yes you are toohard on yourself, Let me ask you something,, 1. who decided it was "your job" to not offend people, by being you?
2. What could you possibly do that would be that important that people around you would not like you? HAVE FUN? goodness, you should be whipped..lol
3. Being yourself, (all the different complex parts) THAT make you wonderful and special are in you.. you just hold it inside, and being reserved or conservative, in order to do what you "think" people want,, is just a waste of good time,,
4. Unless, you made a scene, pucked on someone, made a pass at someones mate, or stole something,, or kicked a baby dog.. maybe robbed an old lady on your way home,, you did nothing wrong accept critize yourself later for being you,,
5.. i OFFICIALLY, GRANT YOU PERMISSION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, TO BE "YOU"...
a great writer Leo Buscalia said once,,
a lady told hiim she was sad because she could not get everyone to love her ,, and she wanted to love everyone etc,
HE SAID: PRETEND YOU ARE A PEACH,,
OK..some people love peaches, adore peaches, can't get enough of peaches... some people can take them or leave them.. some dislike peaches, and some are allergic to p eaches,, and nomatter what they wont love peaches,,
SO instead of turning yourself into a "banana", TO PLEASE OTHERS,,
JUST BE THE BEST DARN PEACH YOU CAN BE AND YO WILL HAVE PLENTY OF LOVE, PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU FOR YOU..
OK I HOPE YOU READ THIS, I PUT MY HEAR AND SOUL IINTO AS I AM SINCERE,,
GOOD LUCK,,
Just sounds like you lack confidence.
That sounds like it is a difficult way to live. You accept others as they are, but you never get to be yourself. I talked with a guy at this place www.ilcss.org about this same thing. Here are some things I found out.
1) This may be a control issue: you, growing up, may have been made responsible for the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of others. This may explain why you must always be ON.
2) You may be the last born in your family. This position is typical for the last born (you understand your impact on others and focus on it way too much)
3) You may not be last born bu may have come from a family that had big "problems." When a family is "Stressed out" by BIG PROBLEMS the way the fmily runs gets goofed up and the kids end up needing to do "stuff" to make sure the family keeps functioning. For you, this might mean... not getting your needs met.
4) Your brain might now be super sensitive to your impact on others, and so you are always on guard. The good news is that, this can change.
He told me to start looking for, what I would call "NASTY" people. People who act in a way you would never act. He had me watch them and talk with them. Soon I discovered that these "nasty" people had friends, people who loved them, respected them, and got along with them. Yes, some people did not like them, but others did.
He told me that by being with them, I would learn to start being myself. And you know what, IT WORKED!
I don't know if this will work for you. He told me that each person needs a different method. But this is what I did, and it helped.
Sounds like low self esteem. Do you believe in something greater than you? Here are some suggestions on how to build your self esteem:
-You need to make decisions and stand by them.
-Don't worry about what others think of you. (I know that's going to be a hard one since that seems to be an issue you're having trouble with.)
-Positive self talk. Encourage yourself. Don't put yourself down.
-Try to figure out what the root problem is and work on tackling the littler issues that have piled on top of it.
-Do things you enjoy, things that make you feel happy.
-Try new activities.
-Deep breathing and yoga.
-Counseling (maybe meds)
-Creative outlets: journaling, art, music, dance, scrapbooking, arts and crafts
-Take care of you.
For future reference, if you're worried about how you act when you're drinking but want to drink socially, cut back. Then you can be more aware of and in control of your actions and words.
Realize it's okay to be human and you're going to make mistakes or do something stupid and feel like everyone's staring at you. If you can, laugh it off. Take pride in who you are and let yourself start becoming who you were created to be.
No, you dont seem to have mental pbs, i see you just care so much about your image in front of others, and join you personal success by the social one..I mean what if ppl did think bad things about you? you have a husband that loves you and dont even care about them...i say you get it together and play it cool otherwise you rhusband will notice this weakness in you and take you for granted .
SOrry but you need to be strong, no matter what others think of you, your self esteem and confidence should be high to the point were your acions are your business only.I mean if you are of course convinced of what you're doin, otherwise you have the right to worry :p
BUt believe me its no mental pbs its just some perfection issues and wanna be loved by everyone wish..i have that too :p