Depression or Validated???!


Question: My husband has severe PTSD and he won't touch me, hug me, do ANYTHING for me, tell me he loves me, etc. Well he is in the military and I am away from my family and don't have friends here so that just ADDS to my pain.

But I think I might be overblowing the situation...I just can't be happy knowing he doesn't love me at the moment. I have tried to go out and do stuff, but it takes so much out of me to even get out of bed and shower (I end up showering at night). I cry so much that I lose my appetite. I know I have a right to be depressed, seeing that my own husband has lost feelings for me...but do you think I am over-dramatic about it???

When I cry he just sits there and watches..doesn't say anything. And I have been crying for like two weeks STRAIGHT about every 2 hours or so. It's exhausting!!! From my symptoms, do you think these are natural and okay, or do you think I'm too depressed?

Also if anyone has a similar experience dealing with a spouse, please share with me!


Answers: My husband has severe PTSD and he won't touch me, hug me, do ANYTHING for me, tell me he loves me, etc. Well he is in the military and I am away from my family and don't have friends here so that just ADDS to my pain.

But I think I might be overblowing the situation...I just can't be happy knowing he doesn't love me at the moment. I have tried to go out and do stuff, but it takes so much out of me to even get out of bed and shower (I end up showering at night). I cry so much that I lose my appetite. I know I have a right to be depressed, seeing that my own husband has lost feelings for me...but do you think I am over-dramatic about it???

When I cry he just sits there and watches..doesn't say anything. And I have been crying for like two weeks STRAIGHT about every 2 hours or so. It's exhausting!!! From my symptoms, do you think these are natural and okay, or do you think I'm too depressed?

Also if anyone has a similar experience dealing with a spouse, please share with me!

How long has your life been like this? It will no doubt take a toll on your mental health. Were you happ before the lack of affection?
You ultimately need to look after number one, and if he refuses to make any effort to help you feel good, and has no action plan in place to help himself, then you really need to weight up the good and the bad aspects of remaining in this relationship. Especially not having family support nearby. It may hurt less to walk away than it hurts to stay and fell unloved.

I have felt similar before in a relationship. Usually prompted by a lot less though, like not having sex as often as I think we should, that sort of thing. But that is just me with my low self esteem thinking he is not attracted to me.
Anybody in your situation would feel horrible. You deserve better.
You need to give him an ultimatum. Make an effort or you will move on.

Unfortunately a lot of men will actually resent you more for crying, it's not fair but true. Not to say though that we don't have every right to be upset when they don't treat us well.

Is you husband being treated if not he needs to be treated,HOW can he show emotions to YOU if he is not sure of his own.Maybe if you can be patient during his treatment because he is limited in emotions right now.i have a husband who is withdrawn at times,this is because he was like that as a child that still makes you fill alone,depressed,because if you are married to someone you are suppose to share you life with that person.so loner need to stay alone.now in your case he is going through something if he has severe post traumatic syndrome,could you BOTH get counseling -which in you case is for you to handle you response to his condition so you are not taking it PERSONALLY,also in the mean time do something separate from your husband that you enjoy.It sounds like you situation is depressing you maybe you should find something in life that you like a do that,music,dancing,reading the Bible..distract yourself from your husband,as woman we must learn to ge happy for ourselves as well as with our family.

There's a difference between being clincally depressed and situationally depressed. Clinically depressed is when you're depressed all the time, and usually you notice it starting in your teens, and it just never gets better. Situationally depressed is much more normal, and as the name suggests, is based on a bad situation.

I can understand your husband feeling like he's going through alot, but if you're crying nonstop and he's just sitting there and not ever showing you love or emotion, I really think there may be more to this than just ptsd. Is he currently seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? Have you sat him down and told him maybe he needs some medication? I know you love him and he's your husband, but if he's unwilling to fix his situation and doesn't care about what he's putting you through, then I'm sorry, but you have to take care of #1. You. Maybe if you tell him either he get help or you're gone, maybe it will give him the motivation he needs to help himself. If not, then maybe you're better off anyway. I know it's easy for me to say that because I'm not in your situation, but I've been in a similar one, and it's rough. You have to look out for yourself, and you can't depend on someone else to make you happy.

I wish you the best, and if you need to talk, you can email me and I'll gladly talk to you about my similar situation. Lots of love honey!

You're not "too" depressed, you're depressed & ought to try going to therapy so you can get support for yourself & how to understand & deal with your husband in a way that's better for both of you. Go to a professional social worker or psychologist.

He can't "show" his love for you now. Is he seeing anyone for his PTSD? When he says he feels worse... he's not putting you down he's keeping all his feelings inside & he's terrified.

Are you in a place where you can get into a wives' group?

Try to google PTSD-Military & see what you come up with.

I don't know where you live, but there are org.s that deal with PTSD like Safe Horizons, Crime Victims services. See if you can get some help there.

You would probably do well to try some antidepressants.

Good luck to you





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