My hubby's mom is dying.. pls help...?!
Question: hi... we just found out yesterday that she is really sick (brain cancer) and can pass away anytime... i'm the kind of person who looks at all possible outcome of things and look for a solution even if it hasnt happened yet.. my hubby is more like we'll take it one day at a time.. and i dont want to pressure him into thinking about details of what might be coz i know he is in so much pain right now... whenever he opens up and talk about his fear for his dad being alone, i always find myself giving solution, telling him what we can do to help when that happens.. but i dont think thats what he need to hear right now..
pls help me.. tell me what should i do or tell my hubby.. i love them all dearly and i just want them to see and be prepared of whats going to happen...
thanx in advance
Answers: hi... we just found out yesterday that she is really sick (brain cancer) and can pass away anytime... i'm the kind of person who looks at all possible outcome of things and look for a solution even if it hasnt happened yet.. my hubby is more like we'll take it one day at a time.. and i dont want to pressure him into thinking about details of what might be coz i know he is in so much pain right now... whenever he opens up and talk about his fear for his dad being alone, i always find myself giving solution, telling him what we can do to help when that happens.. but i dont think thats what he need to hear right now..
pls help me.. tell me what should i do or tell my hubby.. i love them all dearly and i just want them to see and be prepared of whats going to happen...
thanx in advance
Certainly you are dealing with your own feelings, as well as thinking about his.
Usually one person in the relationship wants to go in and "fix things" But what is really needed by your hubby is for you to:
simply be there
to listen
to know that he was heard
Giving solutions doesn't do these things for him. It will only cause him further frustration and alienation from you at this time. He will want to pull away if he does not feel heard. But, this is one of the times in his life when he needs his family and spouse the most.
So, refrain from giving solutions, unless he has asked for it first.
If you need to - write down in a notebook all that YOU need to write about problems and solutions. But try to let him to the talking.
At or near death people have spiritual needs as well. Consider speaking with the hospital chaplain and asking your honest questions.
just ask him to calm down...and tell him some examples of lifes difficulties try to console him....as one has said HAPPINESS IS NOT A PLACE,ITS ONLY A DIRECTION....
No one is prepared for the things life deals us but your husband is right one day at a time just be there for them all and help when it is needed.It is hard on all of you and so sorry to hear that she is sick all you can do is listen now to your husband
I'm sorry to hear that. Just be there for him when the bad news arrives. And I will pray for all of you.
Take him to a calm environment and ask him to look at the problem objectively and practically. Tell him that by trying to avoid, he is only putting himself into deeper trouble as he will be dumbstruck when the problem strikes.
You're hubby probably just wants to focus his energy on the time he has left with his mom. All you can do is be there for him when it does happen. Just standing by his side is enough. Don't offer solutions unless he asks. If your father-in-law lives close to you, you could have him over for dinner one or two nights a week to make sure he doesn't feel so alone.
i deleted my answer on this, but... don't take this the wrong way.
perhaps you could think of suspended animation for her.
many believe the nano-technology can reanimate and cure any illness one day.
here is their website: www.alcor.org
apologies if I have offended you in any way. it is what I would personally see as hope. it is what I believe in.