How do i change my tone of voice?!
Question: I have this problem. I tend to have an irritated tone of voice when answering people. Its not all the time, but it is a fair amount. I dont intend to sound this way or to come off like a jerk. My father was a very short tempered man. After he left, my mom and sister weren't too nice to me. They would say some horrible things to me, and my mom let my sister treat me very badly. I was teased alot in school and didnt have many friends. I think that all these factors came together to create this tone of voice i have. I do tend to get irritable easily. I do snap at people. I am a non violent person and could never hurt anyone. My tone of voice does hurt people though. I dont want to be that way. What is wrong with me? How do i combat this bad part of myself. I am a good guy. I have a big heart. I want people to know i care about them and dont mean to talk the way i do. What can i do to fix this, short of seeing a mental health professional?
Answers: I have this problem. I tend to have an irritated tone of voice when answering people. Its not all the time, but it is a fair amount. I dont intend to sound this way or to come off like a jerk. My father was a very short tempered man. After he left, my mom and sister weren't too nice to me. They would say some horrible things to me, and my mom let my sister treat me very badly. I was teased alot in school and didnt have many friends. I think that all these factors came together to create this tone of voice i have. I do tend to get irritable easily. I do snap at people. I am a non violent person and could never hurt anyone. My tone of voice does hurt people though. I dont want to be that way. What is wrong with me? How do i combat this bad part of myself. I am a good guy. I have a big heart. I want people to know i care about them and dont mean to talk the way i do. What can i do to fix this, short of seeing a mental health professional?
Firstly there is nothing wrong with you and this is not a bad part of yourself, its just a part of yourself, so don't go thinking negative things about yourself, it seems enough others have done too much of that already. You have been mistreated both at home and a school and have probably developed a defensive tone in your voice through countless responses as you have struggled to defend yourself and who you are.
The good thing is that you are aware of this unwanted impact that this voice tone of yours is having and that you want to do something about it. I guess the first thing you should do is confide in anyone who you deal with regularly and that you like. Let them know when you hear that tone creep into your voice that it was not your intention and that you don't want them to feel you are trying to alienate them.
I think the only way to truly change such an ingrained habit would be some form of voice coaching. Ever thought I learning to act or sing? That might be one avenue to learning how to control your voice and the emotions you communicate with it. Don't panic, you don't have to take to the stage if you don't want too, but drama classes might be good way to help yourself. Another idea, and this is only a guess, but perhaps reading some fiction novels out loud so you can focus on the inflections in your voice. Perhaps tape it and play it back to yourself so you can catch how and when you put unintended tones in your voice and what inflection you did intend and how it came out incorrectly.
Now about the mental health professional, well I really think you need someone to talk to, to work through your mistreatment and any hidden or perhaps not hidden negative impacts this has had on you as a person.
So yes seek some counseling, but not from the perspective that you have some mental disorder or need drugs, rather from the view that you have been through an ordeal growing up and that the people most responsible to help you and care for you through that, your parents, were not only party to your mistreatment but advocates.
I don't know you, but know that you have great value, so fight the fight and be all that you can be. Find someone to talk to.
Be safe, be sage
Try singing calmly, not loudly.
Then inhale deeply and regulate your intonation.
If you exercise this, then you will have smoother voice.
God bless you.
WELL ITS SEEMS LIKE YOU KNOW THAT YOUR DOING IT SO JUST PAUSE ONE SECOND BEFORE YOU SPEAK. KIND OF LIKE USING A POKER FACE JUST DO THE SAME WITH YOUR VOICE. ITS ALMOST LIKE ACTING. TRY PRACTICING IT. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CONTROL IT IF YOU TRY.
Record your voice, listen to it and try to change it by talking with a deeper sound and not so loud. Prepair your self to talk not so loud when you are about to answer a phone-call. Imagine your voice sinking down in your throat and chest. Or go to a song-teacher, voice-coach or what they are called.
try to relax and be calm