Why is my dad such a werido?!
Question: I am so embarrased to have a father like my dad. He is obsessed with violins big time. He likes violins more than his family. He never brought my mom a gift except one flower in his whole life.My dad is abuseive in more of a mental way such as calling the rest of my family "stupid" beacuse of his failures. He talks in a weird russian accent and talks about weird stuff like " if its a sleeping bear let it sleep" for fillings for teeth. and more ridiculous stuff ..When my mom screamed about him not buying her something for her anniversary he said "but i bought you a papaya" He has never bought a birthday present for me and the rest of my family. He is stubborn , loud, weird, dumb. He has the dumbest ideas like he is going to be the greatest scientist in the world and that he thinks that music created Adam and Eve. He has a madly obsession with classical music and violin sinse he was 8 btw he is 57 now. What is wrong with him.
Answers: I am so embarrased to have a father like my dad. He is obsessed with violins big time. He likes violins more than his family. He never brought my mom a gift except one flower in his whole life.My dad is abuseive in more of a mental way such as calling the rest of my family "stupid" beacuse of his failures. He talks in a weird russian accent and talks about weird stuff like " if its a sleeping bear let it sleep" for fillings for teeth. and more ridiculous stuff ..When my mom screamed about him not buying her something for her anniversary he said "but i bought you a papaya" He has never bought a birthday present for me and the rest of my family. He is stubborn , loud, weird, dumb. He has the dumbest ideas like he is going to be the greatest scientist in the world and that he thinks that music created Adam and Eve. He has a madly obsession with classical music and violin sinse he was 8 btw he is 57 now. What is wrong with him.
edit 1...
Hi Wanda,
i'm sorry you are not getting on with your dad right now..
it's a very interesting question.. and hard to answer without knowing more about your dad.. but maybe i can help a little bit with some ideas..
I think that some people just find life very difficult to cope with.. some people find it impossible to do what is expected of them by the people around them, or to act in certain ways that are considered normal and decent behaviour..
It is possible that your dad finds all the stress and pressures of life too much for him to deal with in a way that is expected of him. Maybe the stress that he has experienced during his life (either during his childhood, or at the present time) has made him turn into himself (like a book closing).. it sounds like he is shutting out the outside world and has become self-absorbed and self-centred, only able to think about his hobby and himself.. because then he doesn't have to face up to all the stuff that he isn't able to do.. It is possible that your dad had a difficult or traumatic childhood which is affecting the way he copes with life now (maybe his parents weren't able to love and nurture him properly, so he doesn't know how to love and nurture his children properly?)
From what you say, it sounds like you dad lashes out at you and your family because he knows that he has failed at certain things, so he gets stressed, angry and frustrated with himself, but he focuses these emotions externally onto his family.
Possibly there are a few things that you could do to help the situation..
It would help you if you were able to talk to people who you can trust about your dad (it's a good start to post this question)..
If you can then talk to you mum about the situation and, if you have any and they are old enough to understand, then talk to your brothers or sisters..
Talk to any other family members, or friends, who you can trust..
Talking will definitely make things easier for you, and maybe help you to understand your dad.
If you can, try to see the positive things about your dad.. everyone has some positive things about them.. for instance, he hasn't run away from your family, he has stayed with you, so he probably loves you all very much, even if he isn't able to display this love as affection.
Maybe if your dad isn't able to do the things that he should for you and your family, then you could try to meet your dad at his level.. when it's quiet and you both have some time, then try spending some time with alone with your dad and ask him about his hobby and other things that he is interested in.. get to know him a little bit.. ask him about himself.. ask him what he enjoys in life.. ask him what dreams he has or used to have.. ask him why he never fullfilled his dreams.. ask him if he is happy.. ask him what his childhood was like.. you could also ask him why he gets angry, without being cross with him, so that he has a chance to think about his behaviour.
You might find that he opens up to you and that you actually start to like him again. He might surprise you if you give him the chance to.
He might not be able to totally change his behaviour for you, but you might be able to get to understand him a bit better and he might appreciate you taking an interest in him.. if you try to build a relationship with him, then you might find that he becomes a more pleasant and caring person.
I think that it's important to keep on asking questions.. whether it's to your dad, your family, other members of family, to friends or to anyone else that you feel you can trust.
I wish you lots of luck and happiness for the future,
Zag
He's related to you.
wtf??!! ask your mom what she was thinkin when she married him.... then slap her ahaha
He sounds mentally ill (duh) like w/ schizophrenia or bipolar or personality disorder???? possibly a sociopath.
yikes!
Sounds like schizophrenia. My sister has it. (along with other family members that have passed) That's how bad it runs in my family. I'm not, I've got other problems, but I'm sane enough to know that what they do and say aren't right. All I can say is good luck. Its hard. Everything you say to him will be wrong. Go see a therapist, for yourself, not him.
I love my father even though we don't get a long. I'm sure you do too. My dad is even weirder. i am 26. Don't listen to these people here. Just because someone thinks for themselves and people don't understand them, doesn't make them ill. The labels they come up with for people who are different are just a quick fix. Your dad was once young, he thought about sex, wanting a happy future, money, house, food... Our life experiences lead us to who we are today and we also choose who we want to be. Leave the poor guy alone. Stop picking on him. People are different. You just need to learn his language. Chill.
He has an ignorant rude daughter!
dont feel bad, my first husband treated me great until we got married then he did a complete turn around, he kept me from my friends and family. i wear a 3 1/2 shoe he got me a size 7pair and told me to put tissue in the toes and got mad when i refused to. he would not let me listen to country music and i love country. he would lock me in the bedroom at night. i had to explain every mininute where i was. 13 years of misry before he left me. your mom would be better off with out him
Definately not wise.
He reminds me of a man I used to work with; this man told me his father was a B-man (B-specials was part of the police in Northern Ireland during the troubles in the 60s. He said the following five things about his father:
1) He said his father beat him with his baton for misbehaving, and this is how he has trouble keeping his voice down when talking to people, and why he takes fits of shouting things at people in the middle of the street.
2) He said his father fired teargas into the livingroom of the family home when the son (then aged 16) and some friends were throwing a party and they refused to let the father and mother in.
3) He said he got into a big fight at school, and his father and some other policemen stormed the school and baton charged all the boys out of the school and took them away in police vehicles, and they imprisoned them for three months.
4) He said his father was raiding a brothel in belfast and caught the mother and uncle at it in the brothel; he shot the uncle dead and disposed of his body and locked the mother in the police cell.
5) He said he bunked off school and his father locked him in the police cell for the whole of the summer holidays.
The man even said after he left school, he fought in Viet Nam. After Viet Nam, he said he joined the British Army, then joined the SAS, then worked as a Prison officer, then went to work in a caravan park.
One day there was a commotion outside a courthouse, and the man was driving past during his working hours, and he shouted "Hang them hang them" over at the crowd.
He even shouted "hello sexy" at an overweight middle-aged woman whose husband worked with us. This woman would have been seriously offened at this. He even said that she was in his house one night and left her underwear in his bedroom.
that's my mom... only instead of violins it's singing OOPS! forgot to read all off your question! that is not my mom!
I am sorry for the answers I read before writing to you, please pay no attention to most of them, except the nice ones. Your father sounds like he grew up in Eastern Europe, have you ever asked him when he was born? (It is your birthright.) If he was born Russian, there could be a few reasons for his behavior. He might have had big dreams as a boy and was cruelly dissapointed for some reason, most likely poverty that is rampant in Eastern Europe, especially Russia and the former communist states. His tight-fistedness also speaks of a life of terrible poverty, but reality demands that the very real probability of mental illness be brought up too. I am not sure if you would be interested, but since I do a lot of reading and watching educational-type TV and have learned a lot about people and places, I strongly recommend for your own sake that you do the same. It would, at the very least give you some insight, and thereby, some understanding, about your father. The unfortunate truth about people who lived in terrible proverty and were deprived of even human kindness have the same problems you describe your father as having. I am sorry, but it seems very evident that your father is mentally ill and will probably never get help. For your own sake, you should go to your school or church and find help for YOU so you can get through life with your father with your own sanity intact. Remember that there is one person who cares about you, and do does God. Hang tough, don't let your father's problem become yours. Be the best you you can be, in spite of him. That is the best way to go. (Get good grades, get a good scholarship and get away as soon as you can.)
i am sry u r a kid (i think) and u need ur dad more then ever but hes not there for u rite now.. try talking to ur mum about it and maybe seeing a theripist. i think r dad could have a serious problem just remember he loves u even if he doesnt show it.. if you know someone from his side of the family call them and ask them questions about him and how long he has been acting like this. if living with ur dad is to hard try living w ur grandma or a reletive... i know how hard it is to cope with something like this
He sounds like he's suffering from delusions.. and delusions of grandeur. Could be schizophrenic.. could be bipolar with psychotic symptoms. There's not much to do to get him to want to get help if he doesn't want it. Try talking to him.. try talking to your mom. If not, just be patient with him and realize it's a chemical imbalance that he has. Also, try not to take it personally that he hasn't bought you a present (it doesn't like he has the functioning to remember its your birthday)... I know its sad and frustrating, but it sounds like its his illness not his personality thats the problem.
Also, it's slightly possible that there may be something wrong with his brain (he may need to see a neurologist).. sometimes that causes moodiness. Hope this helps.
He may be abusive and forget the family and not get gifts. Those are concerns. His accent, his odd use of words and his love for the violin are endearing. Don't think that all outsiders will think he is terrible for how he talks. Young people might think it is strange, because they want their family to be just like everyone else's family. The thing is, we just are. Now, your dad may have a mental illness and might benefit from treatment, but don't worry about the violin, the words or his accent.