Abused and depressed..???!


Question: I am depressed, ever since i was little my mom has been emotionally and physically abusive, and my dad does NOTHING to stop her because most of the time he isnt here and when he does come home he says she's not abusive and im just making it up, but i have pictures of scars and bruises to prove it! Even now when I'm almost 19, she abused me by hitting me with my guitar and breaking well smashing it to pieces. I called the police on her and she got scared off for a while, but now she is abusive emotionally, calling me a whore, a demon, a hell child, just because I think differently than she does. What can I do to put her back into place? I want to stand up to her but everytime i try it feels as if my knees are going to collapse and im going to fail at my attempt. Also I always cry when I try to talk to her because I hate her so much, what am I supposed to do??


Answers: I am depressed, ever since i was little my mom has been emotionally and physically abusive, and my dad does NOTHING to stop her because most of the time he isnt here and when he does come home he says she's not abusive and im just making it up, but i have pictures of scars and bruises to prove it! Even now when I'm almost 19, she abused me by hitting me with my guitar and breaking well smashing it to pieces. I called the police on her and she got scared off for a while, but now she is abusive emotionally, calling me a whore, a demon, a hell child, just because I think differently than she does. What can I do to put her back into place? I want to stand up to her but everytime i try it feels as if my knees are going to collapse and im going to fail at my attempt. Also I always cry when I try to talk to her because I hate her so much, what am I supposed to do??

The most immediate concern is for you and your sister's physical safety. Call 911 if you feel that either of you are in immediate danger at this very moment. It's very important that you report the abuse to both the police and a medical doctor right away. Even though you contacted the police once before, it's important that you give another report. They need to know that a second victim -- your sister -- is in danger now. The local law enforcement and your doctor will work with you to plan the next course of action for you and your sister. I know you want to protect your sister because you love her. Also, state law should require that an adult report to law enforcement any knowledge of abuse toward a minor child. That gives you a second reason to support the action of reporting the abuse.

You mentioned wanting to "stand up to" your mother and to "put her back into place." It's normal to be experiencing anger -- even hatred -- under such circumstances. You're experiencing a lot of emotions that aren't easy for any person to cope with. It isn't safe for you to attempt to hold your mother accountable by yourself. That's another reason why it's important to report this to the police. They will be able to respond in a manner that is safe for everyone involved because the police don't have emotional ties to your mother. Together, you and the police can hold her accountable and stop her from abusing you and your sister.

You will want to provide the police with copies of the pictures that show the scars and bruises you suffered. Copies should also be given to your doctor to place in your medical file. Law enforcement may need the evidence to help with possible prosecution. In addition to charging her with abuse toward your minor sister, the police can probably charge her for the abuse you suffered as a minor child. She also committed a crime by hitting you with a guitar. The fact that you're now 19 doesn't preclude your mother from being charged for physical assault.

It's unfortunate that your father has not taken action to protect you and your sister. You've acknowledged that he can't be depended upon to help you. That doesn't mean that you have to go to the police and doctor alone. You could ask a trusted relative or friend to go with you to help with emotional support.

I recommend that you don't inform your mother or father that you are going to the police. Your mother needs professional help to stop the abusive behavior, and it's not at all likely that she will seek help on her own. She may try to convince you not to report her by promising that the abuse will stop. Almost certainly it would be an empty promise -- to avoid being accountable and receiving help. Don't give her an opportunity to try to convince you not to report the abuse by speaking to the part of your heart that wants to believe she will be willing to suddenly change. Also, you don't want to risk a situation where they try to physically stop you from going to the police.

You have shown that you love yourself and your sister by submitting this post to Yahoo! Answers for help. You had courage to report your mother to the police once before and that courage still lives within you. It will take time, but comfort will follow the initial discomfort you feel when you take action.

Gwenieviere, I will pray to God for your protection and healing.

leave! move out! get a job, find roommates. dont worry about putting her in her place just concentrate on yourself and your own happyness

You can move out on your own,
I doubt you can do much good confronting her with so much pain behind you and her.

Dear Sweetheart, I had a similar situation growing up. I have a big family so lucky me i had some else to live with. I called the cops on parents when i was about 16or17 and i lived in a foster home for a little bit, then moved in with sis. I know how you feel, next time that happens just call the cops,no one needs to put their hands on you. when you will be gone they will know how the ****** up by losing you,Good luck hun,

You're old enough to be out on your own. Get your own place and get your sister out of there before she gets hurt. Obviously your Mom resents the two of you being there. It won't get any better unless you move out. Abuse has to be stopped. You clearly have the choice to stop it.
People have been killed in these situations.

i think its best that you leave before you do collapse with a nervous breakdown and take your sister with you and call social services and let them know what has been going on in the home and why you have taken your sister with you.
this is wrong of your mother to do she needs professional help and your father is at fault also for not stopping this if anything he is encouraging it.there is nothing you can do to stop her or say anything she will just deterioate for the worse.
there is a law against physical abuse and if it gets worse before you leave call the police they will be on your side and help you out good luck and stay safe

if i were you i would leave that split second. take your sister with you if you have too. so your mom won't do the same to her as she did to you. i'm not really sure if words can make her change..but it wouldn't hurt to try. try talking to her once or twice. approach her in a calming matter first though. if she doesn't understand you then tell her your leaving. maybe then she'll realize and feel bad for what she did. there's always a 2nd option. try counseling maybe that would help too.

Report her behavior and your concerns to Childrens Services. Tell your sister to tell the truth about what happens because sometimes kids are afraid to tell on their parents for fear of retribution. The more evidence you can provide the stronger your case will be. Start keeping a journal of facts, including times and dates so you will remember everything when needed. I would stay away from your mother as much as possible for yourself but maintain contact with your sister to monitor her well being. Also if you have a dad, or other appropriate relatives I would tell them, all of them. The more support you have the better. Tell your sister to report incidences of abuse to school officials(counselor/teacher/principal) as well. Referrals from school officials and hospitals get taken very seriously.

You're old enough to move out, but I really think you need to call Children's Services about this for your sister. It may break apart your family, but you and your sister don't deserve to be treated this way by your mom. And, your dad won't do anything about it! Your mom needs help, but you can help yourself and your sister by calling the authorities. Even if the first step is to call the police and press charges against your mom, I truly think it would put you and your sister in a better place.

Since you have pictures, take them to CPS and ask for custody of your sister. Since your dad isn't doing anything about it they should be willing to giv eyou custody.

If some abuses are emotional, then putting ". . . her back into place" is abuse too. Or, people should pay for their abuses, because, if paying became public, then an abuser goes to jail; and, everyperson goes to a jail when revenge was a private encounter.
. . .
Or, you should talk to a clinical Social Worker (the "good" ones are experts in relationship studies too). I'd like to read about somebody that screwz up the credit card companies by not paying the bill.

You need to move out. You can't control your mom or make her reform. Find a support group through a local community organization or church. Get into counseling. Get an unlisted phone number so your mom can't torment you by constantly calling. See her very little, if at all, especially as you are beginning your recovery process.

Call Children's Protective Services for the sake of your sister. Look up agencies dealing with child abuse prevention/protection in your area (in the phone book and on the Internet). They can give you further advice.





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