My boyfriend throws/breaks stuff when he's mad. How can I help him stop?!
Question: When he's mad or frustrated, my boyfriend throws stuff.. usually breaking it. (Examples: remote, guitar hero controller, phone, etc.) I used to give him a hard time about it because it got on my nerves, but I kind of decided it was something that I could live with. It's his stuff, and I'm not really one to talk because up until recently, I used to throw my phone at almost everything, lol.
Anyway, today at practice, he broke his best tennis racquet and was pretty bummed out about it. He told me he wanted to stop breaking stuff because, well, he was tired of his stuff getting messed up all the time, but he said it was hard, which I totally understand, so I told him that I'd try to help him out.
So.. people who used to throw/break stuff.. how did you get yourself to stop? How do you get your anger out now? Any info would be great..
...except don't say "punch a pillow." That's not satisfying at all, and you know it! ;)
Answers: When he's mad or frustrated, my boyfriend throws stuff.. usually breaking it. (Examples: remote, guitar hero controller, phone, etc.) I used to give him a hard time about it because it got on my nerves, but I kind of decided it was something that I could live with. It's his stuff, and I'm not really one to talk because up until recently, I used to throw my phone at almost everything, lol.
Anyway, today at practice, he broke his best tennis racquet and was pretty bummed out about it. He told me he wanted to stop breaking stuff because, well, he was tired of his stuff getting messed up all the time, but he said it was hard, which I totally understand, so I told him that I'd try to help him out.
So.. people who used to throw/break stuff.. how did you get yourself to stop? How do you get your anger out now? Any info would be great..
...except don't say "punch a pillow." That's not satisfying at all, and you know it! ;)
As someone who used to throw, kick, and and punch things to get the anger out of my system, I have the following suggestions:
1) When he's calm, remind him that he is wasting money by destroying his stuff. Nobody likes to waste money.
2) Suggest that he express his anger verbally, instead of expressing it physically. In some situations, it might even be appropriate for him to shout or curse. However, tell him to never shout or curse at another person in a threatening manner.
3) Finally, exercise always gets aggression out of a man's system.
he wont stop until he grows up.
two options:
a) anger management classes
b) buy cheaper stuff so it doesn't matter if it breaks.
Please don't take this negatively, but you should probably break up with him, or spend some time away. I know you said he's only breaking his stuff, but people who physically hurt other people don't start out with people, it gradually goes there.
I'm not saying to just write him off though, maybe he could get some anger management courses; I'm not trying to tear you guys apart....it's just that I've seen relationships start with one person harming items...but eventually the items don't satisfy the anger that needs to be released, and I wouldn't want anybody, even if i don't know them, to be hurt.
He needs a class in "self control" . I know that some judges make people take these classes in domestic abuse cases. Maybe there's something like that at your local Mental Health Clinic. My son used to be the same way...probably because his father used to do it. You'd think they wouldn't do it for that very reason..but it seems to be stuck in their memory. He's getting better. If they knew how childish they look..they wouldn't do it.But, I think it's some kind of "power" thing. Just stay out of the way..and let him take the consequences. He might have to break something valuable to be able to get enough incentive to stop. He might also need to take Zanax or something similar. That's what my son takes and it has helped. I take half mg. of risperdal a day for PTSD and it helps me a lot...esp. not caring what people do to me. It just kinda rolls off you..instead of making you angry.
edit..like jamie said..it's called "anger management".
no one who has anger problems is a psycho.
i believe he has bipolar disorder if he has that bad of a temper
then gets kindda depressed over small things...research bipolar disorder symptoms..if he matches like 3 or more of the symptoms..he should DEFINITELY go to a psychiatrist. haha and no punching a pillow does not work...in fact, i did it once and it just made me more mad. i am more of a punching walls and breaking glass kindda guy.....i'm better at controlling it. it just really seems like he is bipolar.
i think, that since he's a guy, play football w/ buddies. get your anger out on other people! lol
punching bag.
or focus that anger into some other form.
i used to break things all the time from anger. i found that punching cardboard boxes helps alot. you can punch thru them, kick them, stomp on them its fantastic when your angry
slap him
This guy needs to grow up. You can help him realize he needs to knock it off. Give him no sympathy. If he's bummed he breaks his stuff, do not be a shoulder to cry on. Do not help him get replacement stuff.
What you CAN do is praise him when he DOES manage his anger in non-destructive ways. Example: "That was good, the way you just took a deep breath like that."
When he blows this and something gets broken, leave him for a bit. I don't mean break up, but go for a walk or leave the room. Tell him you hate it when he behaves like that and you would rather give him room to calm down than watch him act like an idiot.
Over time, his subconscious will get the idea and he can think more rationally about the consequences of his actions the next time he heats up.
Are you dating my son? LOL! Sounds just like him.
Some of the answers you've already received sound pretty good. I agree that he needs to grow up. He flashes when he's mad and can't rein in his intense reactions. The best thing he can do is to attend anger management classes. The classes are not just for guys who beat up women. Some of the class members will be court-ordered, but others attend for personal reasons. If he's dead-set against attending classes, he can find resources online or through books. Google "anger management" and do a search on Amazon for reading materials. Good luck to you both.
you seem to be in major denial. You don't think he needs anger management? Are you being serious? Go to this site and ask the same question. It is answered by licensed therapist, include that you think anger management is to extreme, and see what reply you get.
http://psychcentral.com/