Why does a girl's past bother me so much?!
Question: Every time I get serious about a girl, I start thinking about her past, and what she did with other guys, and I torture myself about it. I don't know why I do it. How can I stop?
Answers: Every time I get serious about a girl, I start thinking about her past, and what she did with other guys, and I torture myself about it. I don't know why I do it. How can I stop?
My boyfriend does the same thing. It's horrible. It not only hurts him, it hurts me tremendously. The point is, everyone has a past. Whether it's something to be proud of or not, it will always be their past and nothing can change that. Everyone has a right to make mistakes, whether it be sleeping around, cheating, or just being nasty in general! The only thing that truly matters is who they have become. If their past hasn't been learned from and they are basically the same person then I can understand why it would be bothersome. If they grew and learned from their mistakes, they should never have their mistakes held against them. Life is a learning process. Many only learn through making mistakes, while some don't learn at all. If you find yourself with peoplethat don't learn, be bothered. If they have grown and become a better person through their past, let it ride. Stop torturing yourself and think about how you would feel if the person you cared about wouldn't let you live down your mistakes. It sucks and is quite enraging. Take it from a person on the other side-I see how it affects him so, and I know how terrible it feels to receive that treatment. It's really unfair because no one is perfect. You have to learn sometime to let it go. Best of luck :)
Just tell yourself that she's with you now.
She's with you because she wants to be; because you have something that those other guys did not.
you may have a self reliance issue and start wondering if your good enough etc etc . if thats not the case you you get jealous about what she may have done in the past then you need to step back and think on it cause that will lead to na unhealthy "control" issue.
Its good to open up and talk about things as well.
Dude it's all about the now. She is with you NOW. Let the past stay where it belongs it really doesnt matter.
Every time you get serious about a girl? Perhaps the girl you're with now should be more worried about YOUR past than you should be worried about hers!
Do you also think she's wondering about who you've been with?
its in the past before she met you so its got nothing to do with you but if you cant break the habit then give up and go it alone
I do the same exact thing. It really is tortuous.
At its core, it has to do with self-esteem, and worrying that you don't compare to those other people. It's easy to say and hard to believe, but try to remind yourself that she is with YOU now.
What works for me is to just not ask. The whole don't ask, don't tell policy. I often want to know soso badly, but I know that I'll feel awful and we'll get into an argument, etc. So just DON'T.
It is due to your own insecurity.
You're just taking the "Where have you been all my life?" to a new extreme. It's normal to be curious about things like that, but ask her if she wants to tell you, and in return tell her about your past relationships if she wants to know. Just don't torture yourself about it. if you don't talk to her about it, you'll never know and it'll just get worse - vicious circle.
Declare yourself the winner, and move forward!
Now this is a flippant answer, but there is some seriousness in it. If she's with you now, the past is all gone, and you can let it go.
If you find you cannot after trying this out, then please find a counselor to work on this problem with, because it will hurt your life and future, and you don't deserve to suffer.
Get busy, so you can be happy!
you know everyone has a past...instead of thinking of her past be happy that she is now with you..be proud that she chose you over everybody else...look to the future...you can't do anything about the past...its gone....