How do you let go of someone you care about when they are addicted to drugs?!
Question: I am ready to leave because I have a daughter that I won't even allow to stay at my home because I found out my bf has been using heroin. He quit for almost a month now but has not gotten the help that he needs. He says he tried it all but he can't do this on his own and is just drinking constantly to cure the withdrawals. I tried to stay around because I thought he was going to get help and tomorrow I think he is actually going to go to the hospital but I have dealt with so much in belief that the man I met is still there and not the man who started using back in November and brought me into debt and just constant anxiety and stress. I have to think of myself and my daughter and gave him the chance to find help and he is so convincing but for instance, tonight, he got drunk and was acting delirious again...I know I can't save him, he needs to save himself but people like his mother are enabling him by wanting to control his money and everything he does....
Answers: I am ready to leave because I have a daughter that I won't even allow to stay at my home because I found out my bf has been using heroin. He quit for almost a month now but has not gotten the help that he needs. He says he tried it all but he can't do this on his own and is just drinking constantly to cure the withdrawals. I tried to stay around because I thought he was going to get help and tomorrow I think he is actually going to go to the hospital but I have dealt with so much in belief that the man I met is still there and not the man who started using back in November and brought me into debt and just constant anxiety and stress. I have to think of myself and my daughter and gave him the chance to find help and he is so convincing but for instance, tonight, he got drunk and was acting delirious again...I know I can't save him, he needs to save himself but people like his mother are enabling him by wanting to control his money and everything he does....
he seems to need a gf that controlls him like his mother does... At least until he can take responsibility for his own actions!! "I can't help it! Waaaahh!" He needs to be shown exactly what these negative actions are doing to those he loves, not just himself. I've had to make that choice before--if you really love them, you have to lay it on the table, cut and dry! "Either you shape up, or I'm outta here!" Then it's up to him to come back to you or wallow in self destruction.
just think of your child you're doing the right thing. you can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves
i dont really have an answer to this but i hope everything works out okay for you and him and your daughter
your going through hell because you feel guilty about doing what you need to do. addiction is so sad and emotionally draining. you don't know what to expect one day from the next. as long as there is no violence involved then give support in anyway you can to try to guide your bf into getting help. but by the sounds of your summary, i think all thats been tried. it hurts, try hard to look forward and move on. life can be really rotten sometimes. i wish i could comfort you more. i have worked with many people and i see the families that are destroyed. it really tears me apart.....good luck..
Wow!!! Good for you for realizing that it is time for you to move on...You did try!!! You need to be strong for your daughter....Her safety and her life experiences....hopefully with you keeping your strength guided in that way it will help you to move on.....Don't look back...even if he does get clean and sober....he will even need to have a clean start with someone else....you too are a part of his "drug past" even if you did not partake in that type of lifestyle...some people have told me that when they go back to their faith (church) it helps them with strength....GOOD LUCK!!
Here are 2 helpful hotline numbers to help you.
1. Alanon/Alateen. M-F, 2-6 pm. 202 882 1334
Information for relatives/friends of alcohol and/or drug abusers.
2. National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information. 24 hours. Referrals for persons with or family members of persons with alcohol and/or drug problems. 800 729 6686
Tell him you are going to leave, or he must leave if he will not attend NA/AA, meetings.
You go with him, this will not only assure he is attending, but will allow you to understand the role you are playing in his addiction. You are what is refered to as an "enabler".
my father used all my life when i was 17 my mother finnaly left him it took hiting rock botom some jail time but when he got out i told him if hed stay strait id still be in his life altho he had lost my mom and he did there were times when i was young hed be strait a year my mother would give him chance after chance fealing sorry for him but i think it was finally realizing teh drugs were killing him and as long as she stayed with him she was inabling him to kill him self in that way and relizing if he has to loose every thing to get to the piont were he quits he is realy gaing so much by saving his own life i cant say any thing to make it easy for you tho you wish i could it will be one of the hardest things you will evey do but do it sooner rather than later you know and i know an adict can want to quit and may seem to have but withought people showing him what he has loss becouse of what hes doing he will never see this is all i can say im sry it can be of more help but its your choice and you are the one that has to make it