Social phobia and Anxiety - help please!?!
Question: My main obstacle right now is eye contact. Especially while walking towards people. At work, there are very long corridors, so you can see the person coming towards you for about 2 minutes before they are within speaking distance. The anxiety builds in those 2 mins as i walk towards the other person, thinking where should i look?, what are they thinking? etc. Eventually when i get near them, i have to force eye contact and squeeze out a very uncomfortable hello.
It is actually a lot worse if it is someone i know coming towards me. This is because i think, " if i act weird around this guy (whom i consider a friend) he's gonna think i dont like him and get the wrong impression. Also, you are expected to stop and talk to people you know which is very hard if you are overcome with anxiety but are doing your best to hide it. So the anxiety builds to the point of pain and jitters in my stomach and i am compelled to look away from the person. In fact, if i could, i would hide somewhere until the person passes by. But i force myself to look at them uncomfortably and say hello.
Another thing is - the main part of my job involves a cleanroom environment, which means everyone has to wear suits and masks (We make computer components). This means that the only part of the body exposed is the eyes, and if you have a problem with eye contact in general, imagine how difficult it is. Its not as if you can look at other parts of the face, you are basically forced to look into the persons eyes.
I actually want to be friendly with everyone but find that i am sending the wrong signals with my body language and i can tell this by people's reactions to me. On a lighter note, at present, i am feeling 10x better than i was this time last year as i am taking citalopram and cant even begin to tell you how bad i was over the last 12 years or so b4 the medication. But the main problem for me now is eye contact because i am so consciously aware of it all the time. And the irony is that people see me as macho because i am well built and do martial arts (which i have taken up because of my social anxiety) but they dont really know how nervous i am inside and i dare not let them see it.
Answers: My main obstacle right now is eye contact. Especially while walking towards people. At work, there are very long corridors, so you can see the person coming towards you for about 2 minutes before they are within speaking distance. The anxiety builds in those 2 mins as i walk towards the other person, thinking where should i look?, what are they thinking? etc. Eventually when i get near them, i have to force eye contact and squeeze out a very uncomfortable hello.
It is actually a lot worse if it is someone i know coming towards me. This is because i think, " if i act weird around this guy (whom i consider a friend) he's gonna think i dont like him and get the wrong impression. Also, you are expected to stop and talk to people you know which is very hard if you are overcome with anxiety but are doing your best to hide it. So the anxiety builds to the point of pain and jitters in my stomach and i am compelled to look away from the person. In fact, if i could, i would hide somewhere until the person passes by. But i force myself to look at them uncomfortably and say hello.
Another thing is - the main part of my job involves a cleanroom environment, which means everyone has to wear suits and masks (We make computer components). This means that the only part of the body exposed is the eyes, and if you have a problem with eye contact in general, imagine how difficult it is. Its not as if you can look at other parts of the face, you are basically forced to look into the persons eyes.
I actually want to be friendly with everyone but find that i am sending the wrong signals with my body language and i can tell this by people's reactions to me. On a lighter note, at present, i am feeling 10x better than i was this time last year as i am taking citalopram and cant even begin to tell you how bad i was over the last 12 years or so b4 the medication. But the main problem for me now is eye contact because i am so consciously aware of it all the time. And the irony is that people see me as macho because i am well built and do martial arts (which i have taken up because of my social anxiety) but they dont really know how nervous i am inside and i dare not let them see it.
you're fearing the fear and fearing your reaction to it wether you crumble wether you dont.But deep down you know you won't you don't,you can look upon the mask wearing as and 'even worse' senario i can avoid the eyes now!OR you could say its the kind option 'the jumping in with both feet' and getting it done way.Youre right the lack of eye contact does give other signals like disinterest and bordom.Your a nice guy don't do that injustice to yourself and dont block these people from enjoying the real you.do all the looking around before you get to them my guess is you do more than your fare share of sneaky looks at them weighing up the potential threat(that can be misread as kinda creepy) and for your side of it it has the anxiety reaching boiling point.So look at the floor the walls what your carrying and then just a oh hello in a pleasantly surprised way when you look up,the reciepient will feel ever so charmed for the welcoming greeting and be keen to talk no awkward silences or time to notice and think about what your or their eyes are doing.Their eyes and minds can be tools in this anxiety of yours keep them both busy with nice chit chat and smiles so they dont have time to notice how feared you are within.Keep it up and soon there'll be nothing to fear,as its not them that you fear its you and your ability to not look a fool and you never will do while charming their pants off with your lovely self!
I would not worry about it too much, but I can see it is an issue for you. I have the same problem sometimes, but I think it roots to a need to understand myself and others more. I have read numerous books and talked to a number of people about it.
Before you try drugs take a deeper look at yourself. If you have never heard of it go and take the Myers Briggs Personality Temperament Test. There is actually a whole website dedicated to the different personality types where you can talk with others like yourself and not feel so alienated.
Hope this helps.
an easy trick to making eye contact and actually not doing it is to stare at the middle of the person's nose. try this it should make you more comfortable. try practicing it in the mirror in your bathroom. you make eye contact with out actually making eye contact.
with that long hall situation always bring a piece of paper with you and act like you are reading it then as the person passes you in the hall look between their eyes and say hey. little things like this make a work environment more friendly to be in and make you more approachable to other people.
Apparently the drugs you are taking are not 100% effective but there is a solution that is. Read the book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health and learn a drug-free way to achieving unprecedented results. You may think I'm just giving you another unhelpful solution but I know for a fact that this works because I have tried it myself and about 98% of people who try it get effective results. For your own sake read the book!
yeah, i can totally relate. i went through a time where i had the same problem. it has everything to do with you not accepting yourself, or at least that was the case with myself. it's true, eyes are tricky, because they really are the indicator of your true feelings. your problem is you're getting too specific with your issue- eye contact is just an indicator of the larger problem. learn to accept yourself, and have confidence in who you are, and the specifics will fall into place. just remember you are completely normal, and your fear of being judged will lessen. besides, it doesn't matter what others think of you(specifically people you have no personal connection with). once you realize this, you will feel free to be yourself, and in turn people will probably like you more. people like realness- be yourself, act like yourself, and the rest will fall into place.
You just perfectly described the same problem I have. Do we work at the same company?? I work for an aerospace company in Los Angeles, CA. I don't have to go into a cleanroom very often, but I know what you mean. Although I actually feel more comfortable when I'm wearing a smock or "bunny suit" because I feel like I'm hidden. I have a lot of insecurities, so when I'm in that suit I feel like nobody can see the real me. My company has the same long hallways, and I feel exactly the same way when I pass someone in the hall. I always feel uncomfortable, and I wonder what they are thinking in the time they are walking towards me. It's always a tense few moments, but I know the truth is that they are probably not even paying attention to me, so I have all this anxiety for nothing. I wish I could make the feeling go away. I often want to just duck into a corridor until they pass. People always tell me that I look mad. But I'm not. I guess I just have a stearn look on my face when I'm walking through the building because I'm so nervous and uncomfortable. I think people think I'm a *****. But I'm actually a really nice person, I just have all this anxiety built up inside, and it's hard to be around people. But working in a professional environment, you have to just do the best you can to fake being normal. It's so hard. Trust me, I know. Personally, I prefer sitting in my cubicle all day.