Why shouldn't I just go ahead and put a bullet in my brain?!
Question: I've suffered from depression for 7 years now. I've had plenty of therapy, I've been on every combination of drugs possible (on what works best now), and I understand depression more than most psychiatrists do after reading almost every book I could find on the subject. I do well for a few weeks, but then I just nosedive into depression. My wife looses her patience with me, I feel terrible for my children who have to wonder why daddy doesn't feel like playing, and I just want to die. Knowing that this cycle is going to continue indefinitely just makes me wonder why I even continue to try. Shouldn't I just do everybody a favor and just get it over with? What is the point of living if i've done everything possible I can do, and nothing is helping? I mean, I've got every resource, every ounce of education, and a high emotional IQ at my fingertips, but the physical depression is just too much for me to handle.
Answers: I've suffered from depression for 7 years now. I've had plenty of therapy, I've been on every combination of drugs possible (on what works best now), and I understand depression more than most psychiatrists do after reading almost every book I could find on the subject. I do well for a few weeks, but then I just nosedive into depression. My wife looses her patience with me, I feel terrible for my children who have to wonder why daddy doesn't feel like playing, and I just want to die. Knowing that this cycle is going to continue indefinitely just makes me wonder why I even continue to try. Shouldn't I just do everybody a favor and just get it over with? What is the point of living if i've done everything possible I can do, and nothing is helping? I mean, I've got every resource, every ounce of education, and a high emotional IQ at my fingertips, but the physical depression is just too much for me to handle.
Just please don't do it. You have SO much to live for- things that you can't see right now ARE awaiting you. The only problem is-- you have to hang around to see what the next day will bring. It is a present, lying under the Christmas tree, or a lily ready to bloom. Just wait, and be patient and willing to see what God is going to bring into your life.
Cause it would hurt your kids & your loved ones that you left behind.
Read " A million little pieces" By James Frey.
if you think your children feel bad because daddy won't play with them, imagine how horrible they will feel if daddy kills himself and is not ever there for them to even see or touch again!! I am usually so depressed that I cannot get out of bed, but I know that I could never kill myself. My kids need me! And believe me, I have suffered with depression and chronic horrendous pain for many years, so I have thought about just ending it more than once! On days when I am so sad that I just sit and cry, my kids will come in and sit with me and we hug each other and play cards and they understand that life is not always great fun. Sometimes it is pain. Sometimes you get sad. And sometimes nothing fixes it. BUT it has taught them that you can and must go on and keep trying. You don't just give up. I was apologizing to my kids one bad day, because they had a depressed person for a mom. BUT-My daughter said that it has taught her that she should not give up on life, even when it is painful and hard. And that made me feel better than any pill or counselor ever could have.
What is the stem of the depression?
And don't kill yourself. Think about your family and friends you will be leaving behind and how much pain you will cause them.
It would be different if you didn't have kids. Why would you make them suffer for the rest of their life because of you selfishly taking your life when you have a family. You need to man up.
Whats worse...not playing with your kids for a few days while you get back on your feet.? or being out of their lives forever because you were too selfish to think of your loved ones? Suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do,. hands down. Think of your family, they love you no matter what and are there for you every step of the way. 7 years is a long time, and whos to say when it will end, but like all things...this too shall pass.
Try religion, you will find alot of help when you know you are not alone, and God is always there to help... you just have to reach out to him... Good luck =)
remember tomorrows another day to start over, dont talk about killing yourself.
dont act like you know more than the doctors unless you have a degree, listen to what they have to say take your meds...
and your wife needs to be understanding and go to therapy with you.
remember dont do anything stupid cause you could win the lotto tomorrow
1.) continue taking drugs (the legal kind) that help with depression
2.) see a therapist.
3.) save the bullet for someone who actually needs it.
You did not give yourself life, and therefore do not have the right to take it away.
And if you do commit suicide, you leave your children with the legacy of "why did daddy kill himself? Didn't he love me? Was it my fault?" Great. You want to do that to your kids?
i think it would be harder on your family if you left.
Maybe you should try to just do things that make you happy. Even if its just watching your kids play.
Dont give up!
Don't give up! Your life can change for the better if you are patient. You have a wife and kids,find joy in that! Just by talking about your feelings,you are on the right track! My best wishes are with you!
I understand how you are feeling. I have had depression for about the last 6 years and have attempted suicide too many times. You say you feel bad for your children when you don't feel like playing. Think about how they would feel if they didn't have their daddy at all. Trust me, it would be much worse. Sometimes when I am feeling like that, no matter how impossible it seems, I force my self to do something that I used to enjoy doing. It does work when I actually bring myself to do something. I hope you feel better :)
How much worse would it be to kill yourself than for your family to live with you and your depression?
What do you hate so much about yourself that you would want to kill yourself? You have a family who loves you, and you are obviously an intelligent person.
You're no worse than anyone else in this world! You deserve to be alive just like anyone else.
Remember that suicide is always a permanent (and grisly) solution to a TEMPORARY problem.
What do you think would be worse for your kids and wife, having a depressed dad/husband or no dad at all. Not only would they have to deal with your death, but with the fact that you chose yourself over them. All the talk that surrounds it would be horrible for your family, and could cause them to be depressed to. If you kill yourself, you are basicly saying that you love yourself more than them. NO ONE would rather have a dad who killed himself than a dad who is depressed. About your depression, think about the good things in life and try to develop a strong faith in a higher power (God or otherwise) which could help you get through those rough times.
Change your diet and tell your wife your going off the pill for a while. You will need strong emotional support during this phase. go on fruits and veggies and lots of tofu for your daily protein. try to find something that in your life that you can control and may change you in a healthy manner. You have kids dude dont do it, wait until they move out and then join one of those dangerous jobs that may get you killed. killing your self is just a waste, do something that will make people proud when you go out of this world.
Ending your life wouldn't solve much, just leave a loving family to mourn over their father's death and having the children grow up without a man in the house. Take pride in your life, family, career, whatever. There's no reason for depression, so why do you torment yourself with it. Try to forget about it, think of it as an illusion that's stopping you from enjoying your life. You're not bound to be depressed for the rest of your life. Just don't commit suicide, many people will lose respect for you, including your children that'll always wonder what it'd be like if you were there.
you can have all the information in the world but if you can't have the attitude you can fight this it won't happen , wake up to yourself you have so much more in life than others would dream of. would you prefer your kids to say " daddy is'nt feeling well today " or " daddy killed himself because he was weak and took the easy way out" you won't be a hero and kids need dads to be a hero. This is a mental disease also known as mind over matter if you think you are depressed you will become depressed if you keep thinking i can fight this you will succeed
Of course you should not end it! Growing up my father suffered from depression and schizphenia, and sometimes it was hard, but for your childrens sake DONT DO ANYTHING CRAZY, and continue taking your medication. I couldnt imagine my life without my dad - he is my best friend now. And take it from me, its much harder dealing with the death of a parent, than a mentally ill one. Your family probably really loves you, but you have to remember it is a hard thing to deal with. I would suggest finding a Doctor who believes in giving 1 per month shots of haldol in your hip.. according to my dad its what works best.. just hard to find a doctor who will do it.. Good luck!
dude.... i know what u r going through but that is the last thing u want to do. even though you may feel that u r a burden to your family... they would miss you 100 times over that if you were gone.... plus what is a family if everything is perfect in it..
do you want to be remebered as the guy that took the easy way out...no...just stick it out your life has a purpose and these hard times are getting you ready to face that purpose...you just have to have a little faith
pray....it might help!!!! good luck...i wish you the best....
if you own a gun get rid of it before someone gets hurt. you have a wife who is understanding, you have kids you actually play with, count your blessings.did you have enough to eat today? i didn't and all i have for company is a cat and memories of an ex wife and kids. suicide is the most selfish act on earth! how dare you say "do everyone a favour"and get it over with.thats the cowards way out, and how you will be remembered.you need to join a group and talk with others in your position. go play with your kids and see how it makes you feel. i bet if you allow it, a good feeling creeps over you. give teh missus a hug and tell her how much you appreciate her patience, and when you hug her ask yourself if that warm feeling isn'tworth at least one more day on earth.i wish i still had a wife and kids.
dont kill yourself to live
why shouldn't you? because its not about you its about thse kids,ever thought what it would be like for them to say yeah daddy loved us so much he blasted his head apart and left us to discover the mess.
I know its hard to ingnore those feelings so let them come just dont act on them(i am a single mum living in a land thats not mine raising two teens from a wheelchair im as lonely as hell as painful as hell but as dutybound as hell to these kids dont you think,what gives me the right to have my devastation become the kids.Remind me again what favour you'd be doing your kids by blowing your brains out? dont justify your wants and needs by saying its a favour to loved ones when you know any child would be torn apart by that action.Having them feelings is one thing acting on them is a total different affair.you know its a cycle so you know it passes.If i can do it you can hunni now go be a dad (that intails sacrifices and putting yourself out for your kids doesnt it well what better way to prove your love that to take the depression and wear it willingly)xx
No, I know that you have a family but when you feel like this it does not seem to count that you feel liking doing yourself in. But your family and others would sadly miss you. You are very important to them even though you may not think it. It is hard for people to understand how you feel, I went through it for a long time. Sometimes you have just find little highs to try and lift yourself up. I found a fantastic book called the secret. I watched the DVD as well. I hope this helps. You have friends you may not even know you have. There are people that can reach out and help.
As you said you have a high IQ, a good education,and with out a joke you would definitely know more than most of the Docs. You could use your knowledge to help others, and this could help you to feel better.
There are probably treatments you haven't tried, yet. For people such as you, medication is not the answer. My standard post follows, but, if you are young, antidepressants are unsuitable for young people. See depression treatments, at ezy build, below, in section 2, and consult a doctor, to eliminate thyroid problems, etc. as possible contributing factors: also seek a referral to a therapist using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy. It is your decision, and yours alone, as to whether to take any antidepressants offered, but, before you do, read section 1, and check medications out at www.drugs.com so you will be on the lookout for side effects, like sexual dysfunction. My strong recommendation, however, is to follow the advice of my doctor, his associate, and Nathanial S. Lehrmann, MD, Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP, and Dr. Mercola, at www.mercola.com and many others: avoid antidepressants (pages 2V, and 2Z refer, & antidepressant websites: page 2). The reasons why we all share the same view on this are explained in full, as you will find, if you read the whole section. All of their advice, (except prayer, because many people are not religious) I have incorporated into the "core treatments" of the multidimensional approach to treating depression, including occupational therapy, relaxation techniques, and exercise, with others as options, such as the supplements: Inositol, or SAMe, or herbal remedies, like St. John's wort. If you are diagnosed with clinical (major) depression, antidepressants may be necessary for a while, which will give the treatments time to become effective. The antidepressants themselves need at least several days, or even weeks to begin becoming effective. It's a good idea to taper off them slowly, with medical advice, after several months, say, to a couple of years, at most, because they are only effective in the long term for about 30% of people. Because of this, you would be well advised to begin the treatments immediately, and maintain them. I'd just thank your mental health care provider, and pocket the prescription, trying the treatments for a few months, to see if they are sufficient for you, before considering filling it (unless clinically depressed, and having great difficulty functioning, or suicidal, in which case I'd take them). If the amount of daylight you have been exposed to recently has reduced, perhaps due to the change of seasons, see Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) in section 2, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and, instead of taking 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, daily; replace 2 of them with cod liver oil supplements for the winter months only! (or, as probably a better alternative to the 2 cod liver oil supplements: 1 teaspoonful of cod liver oil, with a little butter, to ensure its use; I take mine on sourdough rye bread, or toast, covered with fishpaste, and pepper, to mask the strong taste). Consider having your doctor test your vitamin D levels, using the 25 Hydroxyvitamin D test. Optimal levels are 50 - 55 ng/ml (115 - 125 nmol/l. It should be above 32 ng/ml. Those people who receive adequate exposure to sunlight, daily, won't need the vitamin D from cod liver oil, but many people, particularly those in latitudes far from the equator, find this difficult, to achieve. ~~~ Antidepressants need to be weaned off, with medical advice as to how long, before using St. John's wort, (2 - 3 weeks, for some) or the supplements, except for Omega 3, which it's safe to start, now. If the multidimensional approach is ineffective, in your case, after several months, (unlikely) there are other alternatives, such a EMDR therapy, or the magnetic, or low current electrical stimulation, before resorting to ECT: the last alternative.
i know a kid that did and he didnt die... yes blew his nose off. lost his eye sight. so i wonder if he think it was worth that. had other that did. and whats really sad. is that no matter how long they are gone .. people always remember them as the kid that took his own life. wow. nice memory. << not. go seek help please do it for your kids.. think about. what would go in there head. if any thing happens to you.
are you selfish? your wife and kids love you. if you go and play with your kids the mental will go away. you just have to get it together and think of them and not you. i have depression also and tried all those drugs and those drugs just made me worse. i finally got on Valiums and have gotten better. i take walks to look at some nature and look at the works of god in this world that is good. yes it is hard some times but life is that way. you have to figure out what made you depressed to begin with and go from there. your wife is loosing her patience because she has tried to help you. but you are the only one that can help yourself. killing yourself is not the answer. that is the only thing that i can tell you. i have had a man try to kill me, i have been homeless with three kids, i have not eaten for three days so my kids could eat bread and tuna.that was all i could give them. i am having flash backs of the man who tried to kill me. he is out of jail and i am back again at looking over my shoulders. so if any one should be depressed is me but i don't want to kill myself and have my family be the depressed ones over my death. look how many people just on this sight care about you and they don't even really know you.
you answered your own question when you talked about your children. they are the biggest reason for you to stay and fight for what you want. you say you are in a chronic depressive state in life. you have already got half the battle won. knowing and understanding the problem puts you at an advantage. Dr's are finding g new treatments all the time. you say you don't feel like you are a good father for your children, that BS. you're still a living part of their life. how is your wife supposed to tell those babies that their daddy took the cowards way out and shot himself. you need to think about that. ppl deal with this everyday. find a support group for you and your wife to help you cope. you can also seek out church leadership for more guidance. a little tough to hear but i hope it helped. JD
I'm very sorry to hear you are having these issues, and that the depression keeps recurring.
It's difficult for people to understand, especially if they have never felt in the pits of deprsesion, or suicidal.
I sure don't have all the answers, but have you looked into acupuncture or even ECT? You can go to You Tube to see videos about ECT and even hear from people who have undergone the treatment. I'm not sure about acupuncture on You Tube, but you certainly can try to find resources in your community...
Please, take care of YOU.. that's so important. I'm sorry for your pain. I do understand depression and suicidal feelings. Feel free to email me... i don't have the answers, but willing to listen.
if you run a mile, you feel ggrrreat. but running a mile sucks, but you do feel good afterwards. too bad it's 0 outside