How do you overcome feelings of shyness, insecurity and lack of confidence?!
Question: I feel so shy and I worry so much about what people will think about me even though I know not everyone will like me. I really just want to be able to talk to new people more easily becasue it is so hard right now.
Answers: I feel so shy and I worry so much about what people will think about me even though I know not everyone will like me. I really just want to be able to talk to new people more easily becasue it is so hard right now.
The best way to overcome a fear is to face it head on and reward yourself for success. Make a list of all the things that would be scary to do. Maybe yours would include calling a friend on the phone, calling an aquaintance on the phone, asking someone out on a date, making small talk in the hallway at work or school, etc. Then rank them from the easiest to the hardest. Start with the easiest one and do it. Keep doing it until it isn't so bad. Then try the next step. Keep each step small, but keep track of your progress as you go. Each step is progress, and you should feel good about it.
There are two keys to this working. The first one is that you have to keep facing your fear until your anxiety goes down. If the least scary "scary thing" is calling up a friend on the phone, you have to call and talk until your hands aren't sweaty and your heart isn't racing. This technique works because we can't stay scared indefinitely--our bodies just don't work that way. If you call and talk until your fear diminishes, your body will gradually unlearn the fear response--it get less and less intense over time until it isn't there. If you call, get scared, and hang up, your body learns that the best way to deal with anxiety is avoidance, and you've just made your fear a little bit stronger. The second piece of this is that whenever you do something difficult, reward yourself! Rewards are critical. Give yourself a big pat on the back. Buy yourself a good book! Do a favorite activity! Eat something delicious! Don't do these things to comfort yourself when you avoid people. Do them to reward yourself when you reach out. If you have a friend who can support you in this, so much the better. Also, remember that shyness is about being self-conscious, so try to keep the focus on the other person. Ask a lot of open-ended questions and try to concentrate on what that other person is saying instead of on yourself. The more you can focus on the other person, the easier it is.
If these things don't work, you can get help through a psychologist or through medication. But, the paragraph above provides a very effective method that has been proven to work.
Me too. Can't wait to see the answers you get.
Be in your self. No one will give you a damn for whatever qualities you are having. Rise and know self what you actually are. Unless you make it known to people no one will know it . Most of the time you have to beat your drum to draw their attention.
No one will have mercy for your inactivity. Be brave tell every one what you are.
See social anxiety/shyness, and self confidence, in sections 9, and 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.
Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit.
Try this for a month, in every situation you can. I am confident that you will become much more comfortable and outgoing. One form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and scream out: "I'm queen/king of America!", or something else ridiculous, then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: "Look at that idiot". But, you're probably not up to the stage where you can do that, yet (I can, and I used to be shy). Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don't go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don't do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: "I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me".
Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into my mind.
Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time and directions and gradually go bigger.
Lets start with confidence. Confidence is knowing who you are and what you want. It is not what you are and what you can get, this is counter-productive. Confidence attracts confidence.
Imagine being with a confident person and knowing you aren't just anybody to them, your somebody. They know exactly what they want, and they want you. That's why people are attracted to confidence.
Insecurity and lack of confidence are based on the fear of rejection. You may fear initially being told no, but you may also fear being dumped later. You should only fear being dumped or fear being rejected if you choose the wrong person to be with. If you know who you are and what you want, you'll be able to choose someone more suited to you.
It's ok to hear no. You'll hear it a lot in life. It's that yes that feels so great. We keep trying, because that yes feels so great.
If you feel a sense of embarresment, it's because you aren't able to see the other person's faults. You aren't seeing them for the human they are. Most people wont treat you rudely if you treat them with respect. Those who do, aren't worth your time. If you're embarressed, admit it. It can be endearing to say, I'm sorry I'm nervous around new people. They probably are too and can relate. Infact it gives you something in common.
To talk to new people, you need to build up a comfort level and find places where people share common interests. Audition for plays, volenteer, join a band, get a job, take a class, start a hobby, join a club, join a team, start a band, club or team. The list really goes on and on.
If you don't feel comfortable just starting a conversation, join one. "I couldn't help but overhear, but..." You see where I'm going with this.
If you're not outgoing, fake it. Be yourself, but fake not being shy. Tell yourself I'll try acting outgoing. If I don't like it, I'll stop. You may actually like it.
Smile and make eye contact. Physical contact is good too, but beware of invading personal space. Everyone has their boundries. Some people like more physical contact than others. Stay positive, don't go negative. Don't talk bad about yourself. Don't complain, compare. He says, my parents are strict. You say my parents are strict too, here is an example. You didn't complain that your parents were strict, you compared. It's a positive twist and now you have that in common and have bonded.
Be open, be honest and be yourself.
Best of luck. :-)
Hey, ill make it easy for you.
First, you have to believe in something to be your priority in your life - like i always follow my conscience.
Second, follow that belief as if it is the only true way and do everything based on it.
This may sound weird but it is how it all becomes easy:
Think of yourself as a third person and make that third person the hero of you beliefs. Then when you know something is OK and right to be done (goes with what you believe) you do it and if you did not do it, you will be less of a hero for yourself. and if you did it, it builds up your trust in yourself that you can be that (hero) person you want to be.
in simple words; trust yourself - you can do it.