Depression and a sort of rejection from my husband because of it?!


Question: Hi. I was recently diagnosed with mild to moderate depression. My problem is that my husband will not just talk to me about it, except to tell me to eat better and exercise more (I do those already). Sometimes I would just like the compassion and understanding but he becomes condescending and argumentative. He says he does not want to be blamed for it !? When we're not talking about it, he's fine.
I've been being treated by a pschiatrist for years for ADHD and he's never had a problem with that.
Has this happened to any of you before? It's troubling to me because he's my only family. I don't have a back up. What's the best way to not see this as rejection?
Thanks for any insight!


Answers: Hi. I was recently diagnosed with mild to moderate depression. My problem is that my husband will not just talk to me about it, except to tell me to eat better and exercise more (I do those already). Sometimes I would just like the compassion and understanding but he becomes condescending and argumentative. He says he does not want to be blamed for it !? When we're not talking about it, he's fine.
I've been being treated by a pschiatrist for years for ADHD and he's never had a problem with that.
Has this happened to any of you before? It's troubling to me because he's my only family. I don't have a back up. What's the best way to not see this as rejection?
Thanks for any insight!

Your conversations with him have to be very well thought out so that he doesn't see himself being attacked.
Some people don't believe depression is "real" - but it's no different than being in a car accident or having seizures. It's a real condition that needs to be taken seriously.
I'm guessing it's taken quite a while to get a diagnosis - and that many doctors haven't listened to you as you've explained your problems. They may have dismissed you, and you probably feel like your husband is doing the same. You need to let him know how badly it felt when the doctor dismissed you, and now it feels he's doing the same. He also needs to know how much his support means to you. Ask him what you can do to ease his mind that this isn't simply you being mad at him, but a genuine medical condition that you're having treated.
I just wanted to point out that a lot of people who have ADHD are diagnosed as being bi-polar later in life. There's a statistical link to that according to my psychiatrists and therapists. That just might be something to keep in the back of your mind?

i feel that way to somtimes that my husband isnt concern about me or wont show it once in a while us wives need that little honey are you ok or you look very nice tonite men just dont understand us i guess hang in there

trust me it not you it is him and i feel bad for you for having a husband who is not so good

No.. Dont consider it as recjection at all. After all he is a human being too. I know being depressed doesnt have a good feeling attached to it and can create ones life more unhappy. But please keep in mind that others around u, espacially ur loved ones also get effected by your depression or low moods. Men are different. The best way in my opinion is to try not to take it as rejection. Talking about depression is ok but only once in a while. One should keep ones mind off of it as much as possible. He ofcourse shouldnot be blamed for ur depression if he has not done anything bad to u. "Try to see things he does for u rather than keeping ur mind on the things he doesnt".
Give ur hubby a warm hug and see his reaction. I'm sure he loves u like nothing else and his reply would be nice too.

Sometimes a person just get tired of hearing the same thing over and over and over again, day after day, year after year. Maybe you should try to think of his feelings too, instead of only focusing on your feelings.

Did you read what you wrote???"He says he..." does not want to be BLAMED for it"
You take care of you FIRST and do what the docs tell ya to do...
He clearly is gonna stay at a distance for his own protection...
Sounds like your husband has been quiet and distant for a long time....
There are two things you need to do...Take care of you and don't EXPECT your husband to give any empathy or concern about your new diagnosis...Sounds like hes on his defense about this this new issue in your lives....
Second thing is to go find a Counselor, psychologist, clergy to talk to about your relationship with your husband. and whats going on..Go whether he goes with you or not......You will be glad you found the support ...
Good luck

I don't know that I would say he "isn't good" just because he doesn't sympathize with your depression. I've been with my fiance for 7 years now and sometimes she has what she considers mild forms of depression. E.g. She'll go a few days without doing anything and will be sad. She says she just can't get motivated on those days. We've been in plenty of arguments over it before because I come from a family that works hard and doesn't make excuses.

In general, I am that guy. I surprise her, I do sweet things all the time, I compliment her, etc. But when it comes to "depression," I have no sympathy. I tell her just to get over it.

Quite frankly, I think its an excuse people make to themselves for the way they behave. Even if its diagnosed - quite a few hypochondriacs are diagnosed with a lot of illnesses. I think happiness and satisfaction is a state of mind. If you let yourself think you have a medical condition that makes you sad, you will ride that as your excuse for unhappiness.

I know you'll probably disagree and there will be a million people that tell me I'm wrong. But I still just won't buy into it. My point is, maybe your husband is like me and just doesn't agree that someone can actually have "depression." If that is his point of view, maybe you need to agree to disagree like my fiance and I have.

I think your husband does blame himself for your deprssion. He should go to a threapy session with you and maybe the threapist can explain the depression to him. He isn't rejecting you he probably feel helpless, since men tend to be problem solvers and he can't fix your problem so he feels bad. Give him some time.





The consumer health information on answer-health.com is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions.
The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007-2011 answer-health.com -   Terms of Use -   Contact us

Health Categories