Why don't I trust women?!
Question: I am a 40 year old woman and I don't have many women friends. It is really hard for me to trust women. I feel that they are out to get what I have, they are users, I just don't trust women, peroid!!! At work I can not stand most women. I feel that they are back stabbers. I have many more male friends and get along with the men.
I have noticed that this has been a pattern all my life, but why? My mom didn't abandon me, she did allow me and my siblings to witness verbal and physical abuse for 15 years. Do you think it has anything to do with since I feel she didn't protect us from my Dad? Or are there other reasons why I can not get close with many women?
Please help, I would like to learn how to trust females and make more friends.
Answers: I am a 40 year old woman and I don't have many women friends. It is really hard for me to trust women. I feel that they are out to get what I have, they are users, I just don't trust women, peroid!!! At work I can not stand most women. I feel that they are back stabbers. I have many more male friends and get along with the men.
I have noticed that this has been a pattern all my life, but why? My mom didn't abandon me, she did allow me and my siblings to witness verbal and physical abuse for 15 years. Do you think it has anything to do with since I feel she didn't protect us from my Dad? Or are there other reasons why I can not get close with many women?
Please help, I would like to learn how to trust females and make more friends.
It is interesting to note that you and many others feel that the lack of protection from your mum may be the cause of your aversion to female friends.
I say this because it was actually your Dad that did the abusing, yet you still actively seek and feel more secure in the friendship of men. This is probably the truest sign of your abuse - your saw your father constantly exercising power in a situation and you have become conditioned (probably subconsciously) to see males in a superior or dominant position.
You feel your mother didn't offer the protection you felt she should - so you she her as week, ineffectual, uncaring and treacherous. It would be helpful to know if she was a victim of his abuse also - this may not excuse her behaviour but living with an abusive partner has deep and far-reaching consequences that not everybody understands.
I also had an abusive father (I am a similar age to you too) - physically and emotionally yet my closest friendships (other than my husband) are with women. Despite the horrific abuse my mother suffered, it was the relationship I formed with my grandparents, aunts, family friends and ultimately, my own friends that allowed me to realise how strong women can be. I have the greatest respect for my mother because she survived. I have three close friends of over 30 years & we still care deeply for each other.
It is true that some women can be bitchy/ back stabbing but some men can be shallow/ not too deep and therein lies some of your answer. If you don't have to give too much away or invest too much in the friendship you don't have to put yourself at risk of being hurt. Women are a much riskier option as friends as they want to engage you on a more emotional level very often but the rewards are outstanding when you get it right.
You are very hurt inside and you are sitting in your comfort zone where you are in control - you need to talk to someone away from YA who can help you with this so that your life can move on passed your father.
Please bear in mind these comments are made with the information you have provided in mind it will NOT be true for all women who do not prefer female friends.
women are bitches
Be cool....stop thinking negative....just be helpful even if worse is coming to you. Then see the difference.
Because some of us can be real Bee