How do I explain this to her?!
Question: I have recently spilled my guts to my cousin (who is older that me (15-39) that I am abused mentally,sexually,verbally, I am bulimic and that I feel depressed. She lives in BC and I am in Ontario. She has told me that she will tell someone where I live so that they can help me but I can't let her tell anyone because my abuser is my other cousins husband. I don't really know if what he is doing is wrong, (just uses me to 'get off' and always pushing himself against me when he walks by, and touching me) but, i can' t help to be bothered by him and his ignorance! I really would love to go to rehab, get my mind off things, but I can't aford it and I can't tell my parents...I don't have a good relationship with them...and I don't really feel comfortable talking to them, only my cousin. do you think if i tell her enough or the details she would let me live with her? What is going thru her mind? Do I need to take some of the blame for my sexual abuse, after all...I don't take off running!
Answers: I have recently spilled my guts to my cousin (who is older that me (15-39) that I am abused mentally,sexually,verbally, I am bulimic and that I feel depressed. She lives in BC and I am in Ontario. She has told me that she will tell someone where I live so that they can help me but I can't let her tell anyone because my abuser is my other cousins husband. I don't really know if what he is doing is wrong, (just uses me to 'get off' and always pushing himself against me when he walks by, and touching me) but, i can' t help to be bothered by him and his ignorance! I really would love to go to rehab, get my mind off things, but I can't aford it and I can't tell my parents...I don't have a good relationship with them...and I don't really feel comfortable talking to them, only my cousin. do you think if i tell her enough or the details she would let me live with her? What is going thru her mind? Do I need to take some of the blame for my sexual abuse, after all...I don't take off running!
I don't understand why you are blaming yourself. He is an adult. You are a teenager. Therefore, it's his fault. He is old enough to be able to figure these things out. The fact that he hasn't makes him a threat to you and to other 15-year-old girls.
Call the police.
Then, talk to all of your teachers, your school nurse, your principal, your neighbors, your grandparents, and keep talking to your cousin in BC.
If you were an adult and you molested a child, would you blame the child? NO! He has committed a crime.
If you are keeping this a secret than you are betraying all of the people around you who would start helping you as soon as you told them.
Touching children that you are related to by marriage is abnormal. He is abnormal. He is a threat, not only to you, but to other 15-year-olds.
If you want to help him, then tell people what he is doing before he commits another crime. He needs an adult to tell him to start therapy.
Don't waste any more time.
Let your cousin tell people!
Six years from now, you will be 21 and you will be able to live wherever you want, but you have to do the work to keep yourself alive and psychologically healthy until then.
You have an obligation to tell adults who can intervene and fix the situation.
Let me just say that if anyone blames the 15-year-old in this case, then the person blaming the 15-year-old is ALSO a child molester.
No one is saying that 15-year-olds are helpless. It's just that 15-year-olds have less experience, less awareness, less information, and less POWER than adults.
The adults has, or should have, a fuller understanding of the situation. Legally and morally it is ALWAYS the adult's fault.
Barbie Nicolle, we have listened to you and we are concerned. Please now do your job. Report this and turn it over to adults to fix it.
You can't tell us your house is on fire and then stubbornly refuse to leave your house or call the fire department.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Now go to the end of the tunnel!
what he is doing is totally WRONG and you shouldnt have to put up with it ! its absolutly not your fault he just sounds like a creep . try and tell other people you are close to about what is happening . p.s it is absolutly NOT your fault !!! try and tell your parents if you can . im sure your cousin is glad you have told her and can tell her things like this . let her help you because the abuse really needs to STOP and he needs to be shown up for the creep he is . stay strong !!
what is doing IS wrong and it IS sexual harassment.. and you are not to blame..
i would let her tell someone..
i'd imagine that she's angry at him and worried about you.. she obviously wants to help you.. so let her..
you also need to get some sort of help for the bulimia and depression.. perhaps contacting a school counsellor and getting their help.. your family physician could put you in touch with a psychiatrist also..
Whoa...this is serious. YES EVERYTHING HE IS WRONG. you need to tell someone right away. You need to tell your parents or a teacher or the police. That is not right what he is doing to you. You need to talk to a counselor ( maybe at your school) or someone in your church. PLease go and tell someone right away. This is only going to get worse and it will leave you mentally messed up for life. PLease go and tell someone,
He's definitely in the wrong, simply because of your age and the fact it isn't invited. Be careful who you tell, as not everyone is going to believe you. I'd go to a counsellor (are you still at school?) who can get the ball rolling with negotiations on where you 'd be better off living. They'd probably talk to your parents first, though, but would be worth it as a means to an end. Even if you stay, the bulimia suggest a self esteem problem. Get that sorted out, you may have the self worth to tell him where to go.
Don't put to much stock in living with your cousin, she may want you initially, but will possibly end up acting as your parent and may not want that responsibility. It may be a good temporary option, though. The most important thing is, STAY AWAY FROM HIM. Don't give him the opportunity to be a sleaze.
Yes. Definitely tell her this creep is taking advantage of you, and it's none of your fault.
You can be admitted to the hospital for bulimia, and they can help you figure out rehab. Even if your relationship with your parents is terrible, you need to tell your cousin ALL of what's going on. It's important to tell her because it seems you trust her more than anyone else in your family.
And you should really tell her who your abuser is. You don't want someone like that in your family to possibly be abused by this monster in the future.
Best of luck, I really hope you get the help you need and live a happier life :)
YES, this is sexual abuse; anything done to you that you don't want done to you, against your free will, is abuse. You may feel guilty, as most abused people do, because there may be something to it that you enjoy subconsciously, such as being complimented or shown this attention. Believe me, I know what you're talking about. Many victims of this kind of behavior feel guilty for a long time, even though they were the ones who were taken advantage of. Guilt is okay to a certain extent; it's telling you something isn't 100% right in you, that a situation needs to change. Maybe you feel guilty because you aren't telling people who could help end this situation, and you have to. That guilt can move you forward, but don't let it bring you down. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, but if you DO feel you've done anything wrong in your heart, just ask God to forgive you (that brings tremendous peace), get yourself away from this loser, and move on; don't let this guy take another moment of your dignity away from you, especially since he is married and has no right going near you.
You need to take care of yourself and go to someone you can trust, such as a priest or minister, someone who will keep it confidential if that's what you want, before it goes even further. It's understandable that you want to protect people around you, but remember, you come first in this situation--you are the one who is being abused. Stand up for yourself...YOU'RE WORTH IT.
I have said a prayer for you, that God will show you which direction to go in.
he is a criminal and should be reported to police immediately. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IN ANY SHAPE SIZE OR FORM. Tell absolutely everybody you can. He might be doing this to others. Even if he stopped raping you, he will move on to someone else.
I, too, was verbally, physically and sexually abused. This must stop as soon as yesterday. Then, you can work on healing yourself.
CALL POLICE, TELL EVERYONE