Very upset. Please help?!
Question: I don't know, why I'm crying. This is all a long story, so I'll explain it here, as I feel like people I know, around me.. just don't seem to understand. My parents have been divorced, this I was around four or five and since then, my father has had another child, who is four this year, with his ex-girlfriend. He has had many girlfriends since then and he just doesn't seem to understand, that I don't want to get involved. Last time, when he was dating someone, I ended up giving up my bedroom, for her to sleep there, so I slept on the sofa downstairs and I ended up hearing her walking into my father's room and they were kissing really loud. I couldn't get to sleep and felt very uncomfortable. I'm not jealous or anything, I just felt really out of place and I just didn't want to be there. I know it is my father's house and everything, but surely.. he would have some respect for when I was there? Last night, he had another girl round, who works away from here and he only gets to see.. -C-
Answers: I don't know, why I'm crying. This is all a long story, so I'll explain it here, as I feel like people I know, around me.. just don't seem to understand. My parents have been divorced, this I was around four or five and since then, my father has had another child, who is four this year, with his ex-girlfriend. He has had many girlfriends since then and he just doesn't seem to understand, that I don't want to get involved. Last time, when he was dating someone, I ended up giving up my bedroom, for her to sleep there, so I slept on the sofa downstairs and I ended up hearing her walking into my father's room and they were kissing really loud. I couldn't get to sleep and felt very uncomfortable. I'm not jealous or anything, I just felt really out of place and I just didn't want to be there. I know it is my father's house and everything, but surely.. he would have some respect for when I was there? Last night, he had another girl round, who works away from here and he only gets to see.. -C-
Your dad loves you and sounds like he likes you being around. However, I do see your point, and when you are visiting it seems to me he should have enough respect for you to have a one on one visit with you and save the girlfriends for when you are not around. If you live with him, he should do this when you are visiting with your mom.
Sounds like he has many girlfriends that do not last to long, so that is the difference. You are feeling that he should respect you and his time together and leave the girls out of it. If he had one steady girlfriend this is something you would have to adjust to, out of respect for him, however, he should still have moments of one on one time with you.
I think the crying is great because you are letting out your feelings, and it sounds like you are smart for talking about this rather than keeping it bottled inside. You should try to speak with your dad once again and ask if he can just have the one on one with you while you are visiting, because you need that from him. Tell him that you really don't care what he does when you are away, because he is a grown man, however you just want his attention (because you need it) while you are there. Let him know how much you really need his 100% attention. That is perfectly normal, all kids need there parents attention.
I would also start speaking with a school counselor and get it all out. A counselor will help you sort out these feelings, let you know these are normal feelings, and help you deal with them.
Oh dear... I understand. I had a similar problem with my dad's ex girlfriend for a while.... but my dad lived at her house so I didn't feel so bad. His fiance who he is with now is very understanding, and me and my sister have our own room at his house, even though I never stay there (I have my own home)
Maybe you should tell him how you feel... Tell him that maybe he could devote some days to spend just with you and the days he wants to spend just with his girlfriend, you can spend with your mum... If you can't find a moment to just sit down the two of you, or you feel uncomfortable, try writing him a letter... make sure you stress that you understand his viewpoint but that you need more support
This is what me, my sister and my dad do. We go and visit my Grandparents on a Wednesday evening and it's nice to have some time just us being together... I also go and spend some time with my dad and his fiance on a Sunday. It's hard to balance everything though and I'm sure that's where your dad is going wrong!
Try and understand a bit how he is feeling though... I'm sure he loves you very much but when you get older and move on, he needs to make sure he has someone to love him... Just point out to him that you need some alone time with him when his girlfriend isn't around...
I'm sure he'll understand so long as you're understanding of his point of view as well...
EDIT:
I read your extra stuff... sounds like your dad is stressed out and struggling to balance things... maybe you should go and stay with your mum in the meantime until you can find a balance.. make sure you are finding some time still just to spend with your dad.
I still think it's a good idea to give him a letter telling him how you feel...
You probably both need some time to rethink things.. I'm sure he'd love to have you back to stay once you have both figured out a good balance
your father is a bad parent, who the hell does that to a child? can you not stay with your mother? he shouldn't be making you sleep downstairs, contact child services and get some help. Your not asking for much really from your dad
It doesn't sound easy at all for you. I take it that you have tried to explain it to him? Would writing him a letter explaining how you feel be easier? He would have to "listen" then. He should not forget that you deserve some respect and consideration too.
Hey I'm so sorry for the way your feeling right now, I know the feeling trust me. My parents divorced when I was younger and I went through some of this kind of stuff. You should sit down with your dad alone and tell him how you feel. Is there anyway you can live with your mom? If you got along with her then maybe you would feel better staying with her. Don't ever give your bed up for one of his girlfriends..Thats your bed! :) And you tell your dad that too!
You need to sit down and talk, maybe they don't understand you? If your dad has had many girlfriends, i'm sure it doesn't help him when you almost seem to take one look at them and say 'no way'. If you care, you need to be able to see that if he is happy, you need to respect that. Your need to explain to your dad, calmly, that you are uncomfortable with some of the things that happen with his girlfriends. He will understand and will be more considerate for you, and you for him.
Good luck!
:)
Okay talk to him about the need for your own bedroom to escape into. Write it if you can't talk. At least you will be physically comfortable enough to try to sleep through when he is being intimate with his girlfriends. She gets the sofa or a blow up bed in the livingroom, not you.
Like everyone else, you don't like to see your dad as anything less than perfect. But you don't have to give up your bedroom, and you're right, it is disrespectful for him to ask you. You should tell him, in a non-confrontational way, how you feel, and I hope he has enough class to understand.
hey hun. sorry to hear about your situation. sometimes family get on better wen they are apart than wen they live together. obviously you need a lot of love and cuddles and support and there is nothing at all wrong with that. you should go home and have the cuddles and love you need. probably you and your dad will get on better then. like me i love my dad to bits and he loves me to bits but we can not live together it does not work, when we are living apart we get on much better.
Tell your Dad, that his lady friends need to share HIS bed, instead of all this p.ussy footing around-turfing you out of your bed, or pretending to sleep on the sofa. Tell him you don't want him to get hurt emotionally or physically (hope he is practising safe sex)
Make a joke if you catch them out - like eugh! not in front of the children!
I know why you are crying. Your feelings aren't being respected and are just swept aside. Perhaps you would be better off with Mum.
I think your father is being very selfish in putting his own wants & needs before yours. You have not said how old you are but i am presuming you are in your early teens.
If he refuses to listen to you, I suggest that on the occassions he has a friend staying over that you stay with your mum or grandparent. I can understand why you are reluctant to get involved with his girlfriends since there have been quite a few & it can be very hurtful if you bond with one & she is gone & replaced the next week. Try to sit down with your Dad & calmly tell him what the problem is & ask him to respect your felings a little more by having set days when he can have someone staying over & helping organise somewhere for you to go overnight at those times.
Im sorry you feel this way. But no way in hell would i give up my room for my dads girlfriends he should not even ask! ur hes daughter you should come first in his life if i were in ur shoes i would move in with my mum. Your dad is not caring how u feel and that makes him not a very good dad i know noone likes to admit it when are dads are not all there cracked up to be but if u try talking to him i dont think that would make much of a difference hes not stupid and probably knows how u feel so if hes too self centered to put u first then you shouldnt have to deal with that. Aslo that would be pretty disturbing to hear you dad and his girlfriends kissing and who knows what else you should tell ur mum she would probably agree with u seeing as she woud not like his girlfriends lol
good luk :)
Oh, i really feel for you, honest, what you must be going through, be bigger than him, if he doesnt let you in ure room, sleep on the sofa one night, then if the next night he is doing it again, dont let him, dont let fathers push you about, it is his house, but just ask him nicely, and maybe even talk to him, it will all work out in the end, trust me
Hope I Helped
Liam :)
Ask your mother if in the divorce decree or custody order regarding you a statement exists which says---that you cannot be subjected to overnight stays when your mother/father is not married to that person. My decree for my son states so. I am sorry for what you are going thru.
Trust me... you will have a boyfriend someday that will take interest over BOTH your parents. Sounds like Dad & "his friend" are trying to make some attempt to NOT be overly obvious.
Reality is...you are pushing the exploitation here and getting an honest reaction from your dad... that you are not happy with. You even talk about "the values" of your "maternal side" you are applying. You sound like your mom talking! I am sure that makes for warm fuzzys between you! For crying out loud...reality is...they are divorced.
At some point, you will eventually be expected to "blend" with his eventual choice of "significant other". From reading what you wrote...I think you are not as fragile as you are playing this off... sorry! For goodness sakes they are not bringing you into the bedroom. This isn't that amazingly different than if your parents were married and interacting. This is an opportunity for you to learn to cope and put things into perspective. What do you want...put in a bubble at your age???
I think you could benefit from some counseling (reality therapy goes a long way). I think if you would cut some slack.... you could have your room and have a real relationship with your dad... instead of playing a parental role or acting as a proxy for your mom.
Sorry... that is how I see it.
tO lOng