How can I get over my fear?!
Question: I am 19 years old, and I live with my grandmother. She works nights as a nurse about 45 min. away, so I spend about four nights a week alone.
For the past year, since I've been living with her, I've become very scared of everything, almost paranoid. My biggest fear is someone coming into the house and harming me. It's very bad, I can't even sleep in my own room because I feel that if I sleep in the living room I can see everything around me and have a better warning if someone tries to come in. Also, if I hear the slightest sound outside, like a cat or something, I get very scared and feel sick and shake, and can barely breathe. Many times I have called my boyfriend to come and get me because I've been so scared. It's like every night I just know someone is going to come get me. The weird thing is, if my grandmother is home, or if my boyfriend stays over I'm not scared at all and I can even sleep in my own bed!
I'm too old for this :(
what can I do to not be so scared?
Answers: I am 19 years old, and I live with my grandmother. She works nights as a nurse about 45 min. away, so I spend about four nights a week alone.
For the past year, since I've been living with her, I've become very scared of everything, almost paranoid. My biggest fear is someone coming into the house and harming me. It's very bad, I can't even sleep in my own room because I feel that if I sleep in the living room I can see everything around me and have a better warning if someone tries to come in. Also, if I hear the slightest sound outside, like a cat or something, I get very scared and feel sick and shake, and can barely breathe. Many times I have called my boyfriend to come and get me because I've been so scared. It's like every night I just know someone is going to come get me. The weird thing is, if my grandmother is home, or if my boyfriend stays over I'm not scared at all and I can even sleep in my own bed!
I'm too old for this :(
what can I do to not be so scared?
I'm sorry your having such a hard time but don't discount these feelings, yes it could be part of a mental illness, but it could also be your instincts telling you something is wrong, you know, your inner voice.
I don't want to make you more scared but check outside in the daylight by your windows see if the grass is flattened out or if it looks like someone has been standing there, also make sure that you close all the blinds and drapes after dark.
When it's dark outside and the lights are on inside, you can't see out, but you can see in perfectly, we used to call that the Midnight Movies when I was a kid.
You could have a peeping tom or worse, Please make sure that if you have to be home alone that you lock and deadbolt all the doors and windows tightly even the garage door.
Put a wooden handle or cut some wood to fit all your windows,
if you have the kind that slide open make sure to use a piece of wood to block them closed.
If you have neighbors tell them that you might have a prowler, it helps if they are looking out too.
Don't be afraid to call the police if you need to.
We all have instincts, that feeling of the hair standing up on your neck, it's there for a reason listen to it.
i get this too but not as much as you, thats why i like it when people come over because u feel safe. just calm down and talk to somebody about it
You have a common problem. Everything will be ok. I would emerse myself with something to keep my mind at ease. Do you have a hobby, book, or craft that you enjoy? Everything will be ok.
face your feers.
keep your mind busy i get like that to and iam 30 years old anyways watch tv listen to music maybe u can have someone come by stay with u at times till u get comfortable go online etc
I get this too - and more so now that we are living on a bottom floor apartment - it's like someone can just come in and kill me or steel my son. It's a horrible feeling.
My suggestions - get a baseball bat, mace, etc- so you have a way to protect yourself and have a plan - if someone was to break in - what would you do about it? Part of fear I think is realizing you are out of control and not prepared. You are still holding on to the childhood idea that someone else will protect you, but you are basically an adult now and it is time to learn how to protect yourself.
The other thing - for the other fear things start to look at your life and look what is out of control, where are you lacking stability. Focusing on those areas may help some.
The other thing - get more exercise. It will help you process. Also things like kick boxing will make you feel more independent as well as confident. This will probably also be beneficial.
If you find after a month or two of all of this doesn't go away or at least fade quite a bit - consider some counseling to work through it. This fear may have been triggered by something you aren't realizing. :)
I get like that about fire. I am so afraid my house will catch fire while we are sleeping and sometimes I go get my kids and put them in the bed with me.
I talked about this with my Doc and he said its OCD. I ofton check and recheck things to make sure its turned off.
I suggest talking to your Doc and maybe ask your Grandmother if you can get a dog...that way he can bark if someone comes in and protects you....making you feel/be safe.
Think back to what changed in your life around the time that you started becoming afraid. Something had to have changed. Think about what happened when you moved in with your grandmother and when your fear first started in the very beginning. That will probably unlock why you have become so afraid of everything. Fear is a learned behavior, and you can unlearn it, but you'll need to figure out what made you afraid in the first place.
What you're describing, the feeling of sickness and shaking, and barely being able to breathe, sounds like a panic attack. Do you think this could be a reaction to stress during the daytime that you are not thinking about or resolving, and then at night, you're becoming afraid, but not dealing with it?
What you need to do is breathe.
When you start to panic, sometimes you'll start to hold your breath which will make you panic more.
Breathe in through your nose 4 seconds hold it for 8 seconds and breathe out for 7 seconds and do this until you're calm.
Meditating occasionally will also help you keep your mind centered and in a calm state of mind.
Try and get your mind off of whatever is bothering you, just think about something else, even though it may seem difficult.
Exercise also helps keep your mind healthy.
Get a journal and write down all your fears and then write down the opposite thing of that fear so when you're feeling that fear you can just think about the other thing.
Good luck, I really hope you start feeling less frightened, because that's not a fun life to live!
(you may want to go to the doctor and see if he can get you a psychiatrist for anxiety, it sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder but I'm no doctor... but I'm also saying stay away from meds until after a few appointments from a psychiatrist... don't let your doctor prescribe you anything, they over prescribe meds all the time and you don't want to become dependent on something you don't need)
Analyze the fear. Can it harm you at any way? If it can't, then there is nothing to be afraid of (but still read the rest of the guide, just to be comfortable and completely wipe off the fear). If it can hurt you, keep reading the guide for a solution. For example, a garter snake cannot harm you, it just eats spiders and bugs. If you touch it, you will not die/get severely hurt (even if it bites you, which is not likely). But, rattle snakes, on the other hand, are dangerous and if you touch it, you might get bitten.
Look at what others are doing. For example, you are afraid to ride that totally extreme roller-coaster in the theme park. Look at the ages of people who are riding it (probably 9 to 50). If you are in that age range, examine your own health condition. Consult your doctor for medical advice. If you are healthy and in the correct age range, you can freely ride a coaster without worrying about getting hurt.
Confront whatever it is you're afraid of directly. If you are afraid of harmless spiders in your basement, catch one and hold it in your hand. This can be tough if you are arachnophobic, but try to hold it for a long time until the gross-out feeling is gone. Do that a couple times. If you are afraid of certain action, do steps 1 & 2 and if it's safe, do it.
If your fear is truly dangerous, find a way to treat it. I wouldn't recommend doing previous step in this situation. Although, you can find some safety rules and put yourself in a condition where you can be safe even if the fear is in front of you. Other most important rule here is not to panic. Just act cool and assure yourself that as long as you follow the safety guidelines, your fear is harmless and nothing to be afraid of.
Change the way you think and you change the way you act. You can control your thoughts. Since you're only able to consciously think about one thing at a time, only allow positive thoughts to go through your mind. Whenever a negative thought or fear enters, simply choose to stop it right in it's tracks and immediately change that thought to something positive.
Deliberately program right thoughts into your head every single day. This is the best way to change the picture of fear into one of victory.
Realize the best defense from fear is a good offense. What you imagine is almost always worse than the truth. So many times the "truth" you see in your mind is only the truth as you believe it to be. So sometimes the best thing is the very thing you fear, even if you have to do it afraid.