I am a bad husband?!
Question: Ok..to start with I am from India where marriages are for ever and divorce is not a very good option. I married her becasue I was infatuated, told her about my mental disorder between engagement and marriage. But in the seven years of our marriage, we have both realised that she has got a very raw deal. Although I do love her and keep trying out new practioners but have rewalised that mental disorders cannot be treated and thats the better truth. Not only is she frustrated even I feel it every other day that she is not getting what a marriage should give her especiallly as compared to our well established peers. We have a son as well, seperation is impossible and may not even help her. Dont know what to do.
Sometimes I think of extreme things such as arraneing temporary companions for her. IN short, I cannot live with this guilt and frustration the next 40 years. I cannot see them both suffering becasue of me.
Answers: Ok..to start with I am from India where marriages are for ever and divorce is not a very good option. I married her becasue I was infatuated, told her about my mental disorder between engagement and marriage. But in the seven years of our marriage, we have both realised that she has got a very raw deal. Although I do love her and keep trying out new practioners but have rewalised that mental disorders cannot be treated and thats the better truth. Not only is she frustrated even I feel it every other day that she is not getting what a marriage should give her especiallly as compared to our well established peers. We have a son as well, seperation is impossible and may not even help her. Dont know what to do.
Sometimes I think of extreme things such as arraneing temporary companions for her. IN short, I cannot live with this guilt and frustration the next 40 years. I cannot see them both suffering becasue of me.
You don't seem to be a bad husband at all, a bad husband would not care about his wife's feelings. Since you care about someone as deeply as you do for your wife and son that would be an indicator that your disorder can be treated. I have known people that have gone to as many as 10 different therapists/psychiatrists and have been on many different combinations of meds and then one day they come across a therapist that is right for them and treatment ends up successful. It is a good idea to find a therapist that includes your family. A psychiatrist that is also a therapist is usually a good combination. Check with you GP for referral. Don't give up, things can get better! I went to a licensed therapist and a psychiatrist for almost a year, did not feel better and was ready to give up (in a very bad way) I got a referral from my GP to see another therapist that is also a psychiatrist and am finally making progress and am starting to feel better about myself.
have you seen anyone to treat your mental disorder? there are different approaches to treating them. it doesn't sound like you've exhausted them all. go to your doctor or doctors and don't give up until they've given you an option that reduces the impact your disorder has on the people you care about. there has to be something out there to help. if you care about your wife, child, and future with all - go get help.
You have done well you have told us, so go see your GP your half way there, well done
what say,take the whole family to a family counselor.maybe he might shed some hope or light on your problem
Not knowing what the disorder is makes it difficult to assess your question fully. Is it something that one can learn to live with or so horrible that it's impossible to deal with?
You do not sound like a bad husband at all. You sound like a considerate, loving and understanding person. Who else would allow their wife to have other companions?
Without knowing exactly what the problem is, I think you should stop blaming yourself for something you cannot change. She knew what she was getting into. Both of you should make the best of this situation and live your life as fully as you can. You have a son, so set the example of a couple who stands together and works on dealing with life's challenges. Nothing is perfect.
I wish you the best!
I know you think there is no hope, but there is all kinds of medication out there that can help you and you should have your doctor help you find the one that is right for you. There must be something that can help you with all there is to choose from. Never give up hope, especially when love and family is involved.
Life is game of snakes & ladders-means good times & bad times.Every mental disease is treatable, what is required is30%good treatment & 70% strong will.Don't loose hope take a"U"turn start again.Before any decision look at the face of your child.
Seek God and ask him to deliver you. I am sure he can and will change things.
Never Give Up!!!
u dont seem to be suffering from mental disorder, but a bit cunning. have u consulted a psychiatrist for getting rid of your problems. NO. because u dont need it. in simple terms u want a separation . no harm. go for divorce . sooner the better for the poor wife of yours. i m wondering how she has tolerated u for 7 years.
How is your sexual life with her???
This is the one and most important part of a marriage even if people try and discard it.
The emotional problems you have have you tried St. Johns Wort herb or Asian ginseng herbs
And get a time with your wife to act like a man who is in need of her loving.
The woman is the one who has to be chased after That is why us men have all the hormones to do that, chasing the women, with.
What would the world be if women had the same sexual desire a man can have answer is serious
....Population problems...
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In this world everyone has problems.What we need to do is solve it out.30% of general population have some or other form of mental problems and they are mostly hidden.It's like the other disease that we have and it will be under control with proper treatment.But you should know which type of mental problem are you having and for this get help from a psychiatrist.Start taking necessary medicines.along with this try out meditation and hypnotherapy which will change your life.Meditation and hypnotherapy relaxes you which are the most important factor for mental problems.Once you will get better you will have better life and better relationship within family.If you fully have faith in treatment and take medicine regularly and do meditation and hypnotherapy sincerely you will get better.Good Luck.
You're not a bad husband for having a mental disorder! You told your wife about it - she knew what marrying you would entail, and she did it anyway.
You didn't say what your "mental disorder" is, but I can tell you that "mental disorders" CAN be treated (not cured...treated) with proper medication and medical supervision. What kind of practitioners are you seeing?
It's not your fault you have a health problem. You'd be a bad husband if you had kept it a secret from your wife, but you didn't. Stop blaming yourself for things you cannot control.
Try an inpatient treatment facility. Try DBT therapy. Try outpatient hospitalization. You giving up would bring them more suffering.
hey!
dont get frustrated. Arranging companions to your better half is not accepted in our country. the countries values are high and applauded by the entire universe. Intercourse is not
primary . love and affection can solve your problem. remember "nothing great can be achieved without sweat and sacrifice".
no your not a bad husband
You seem to be balanced person with some guilt , the cause for guilt you have not mentioned. You have not said what your spouse thinks / feels about the whole affair affair . You can manage for next 60 years. You have to improve your own personality. Go for positive thinking courses , Yoga , pranayama and meditation. You can do it if you know the malady.
The moment you feel you are a good human being you become good husband. Any thing you do take your wife into confidence.
Go for counselling. You may take help from psychiatrists or hypno therapists to change your mental set up. There is a herbal juice known as Indian Mulberry. This works good on braincells and changes the brain to positive thinking.