How do you assure a 16 year old girl shes not fat?!
Question: i have a beautiful 16 year old daughter , who for the last 6 months as been suffering from a eating disorder, shes been havind councelling which hasnt helped one bit , ive tried contacting every organisation to get help , but no ones helped yet , my gps no help he says this is common behaviour for a young girl , she has got to the point where she wont go out of the house as she thinks everybody is staring at how fat she is , shes so tiny a size 6 it breaks my heart to see her do this to herself she thinks shes so fat and ugly , i dont know what else to do
Answers: i have a beautiful 16 year old daughter , who for the last 6 months as been suffering from a eating disorder, shes been havind councelling which hasnt helped one bit , ive tried contacting every organisation to get help , but no ones helped yet , my gps no help he says this is common behaviour for a young girl , she has got to the point where she wont go out of the house as she thinks everybody is staring at how fat she is , shes so tiny a size 6 it breaks my heart to see her do this to herself she thinks shes so fat and ugly , i dont know what else to do
Be there for her as much as you can and support her in what she is going through. Tell her you think she is beautiful and that you don't think she is fat. Even if you have to make comparisons to other people. I know its bad, but sometimes, it can help.
I went through a similar thing. I stopped eating all together for a long period of time. I went from a size 16 (UK) to my current size 6-8 (UK) My family didn't know what to do but they were very supportive and helped me through it all. They helped me build up my confidence and self esteem.
My boyfriend also was very supportive and was also one of the reasons I sorted myself out. He said he loved the way i looked and that if I lost anymore weight i would look too skinny and that he likes when a woman has some curves. That made me feel better about myself.
And I did look too skinny, and it took me ages to figure that out and see it.
As for the GP, my doctor was the same. but she told me I could "afford to lose some more weight". My mother switched my doctor straight away to a doctor that actually wanted to help. My new doctor was very supportive and didn't take all control away from me but he did help a lot. My one problem was not being able to control my life, so i took it out on something i could control, My diet, my body.
Therapy/counseling didn't help me either. Its not for everyone.
Just try and make your daughter see that's she is beautiful and that she doesn't need to lose any more weight. Just keep in mind, when she looks in the mirror all she see's is the imperfections. she doesn't notice her beautiful features and lovely attributes. Point them out. Make her feel good about herself.
Allowing her to stay in the house is probably a bad thing. I did the same thing which led me to be depressed. All i would do is read books. all day long. I read about 3/4 different ones each day.
Take her out, do activities together. (horse riding? ice skating? Cinema?) or ever take her on holiday. My parents took me on holiday, that kind of brought me out of my shell. even though I refused to go to the beach because I didn't want to wear a bathing suit. I had fun and that helped a lot. I was becoming very anti-social and couldn't stand talking to people. Getting her out there is a good thing. don't let her stay inside all the time.
I'm no expert, but I've been through it and its a very horrible thing. Especially when its your children, it worse, because you don't want to see them hurt or unhealthy.
Its will be difficult. For you and your daughter both. But just stick with her and do the best you can.
Maybe find a recovered anorexic/bulimic person to talk to your daughter? Maybe that will help her realise what she is actually doing to herself.
Also, don't make her feel guilty for this. Don't make her stop because she is hurting the family etc.. It can make things worse. she has to stop for herself. (Soem of my family really put a lot of pressure on me telling me to stop because i was not only hurting myself, but them too. It made me feel guilty and i took it out on myself even more. By stopping eating all together. I would make them think i was eating again, take my dinner upstairs put it in a plastic bag and throw it out or even hide it. My parents found out though and then continued to support me when they realised why I was lieing).
Edit: here is a website you can use. It's UK website. If you're not in the UK, maybe you could find something similar and possibly enroll her in a support group. But don't force it on her.
I used this website. I found it very helpful. When i phoned up the people were lovely and very understanding. The imformation on the website is also very helpful and thorough. It helped me get a better understanding of things.
http://www.b-eat.co.uk/Home
Sorry I wasn't much help.
Good luck and Best Wishes.
Therapy
try a different therapist and maybe an eating disorder support group.
It is a distorted thinking...also a fear, perhaps. Show her what a really big girl looks like and compare it with another girl as to what she is like. Then hopefully it'll cross her mind.
take her somewhere that has severely obese people. when you are around people that look like they can eat you it tends to open eyes.
Post a picture of her here with the title "Am I pretty?" or "Am I fat?". That will undoubtedly allay her fears.
i am ur daugthers age, and believe me its a tough world out there, and honestly most girls wont take what they're parents say very seriously about issues such as these. most kids thik they're parents fashion sense is " old fashioned" and they " have to call them pretty" but no matter what i would continue to support her.
it is no longer a physically " i am skinny' thing it has turnedinto a mental uissue, that no matter what SHE will see herself out of shape and fat.
shes needs help, quickly.
maybe find a survivor of a disorder to talk to her?
Has she gotten help for an eating disorder, or for body dysmorphic disorder? I wonder if the latter is what her problem is. BDD has a different treatment than EDs do.
Tell her there are over 3 Billion women in the world, but there are only about 20 supermodels -- that means there are still over 3 Billion 'normal' looking women in the world. Ask her why she should be in the top 99.9999999 percentile.
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I have never felt that I am to fat but rather that I am to skinny but what I can tell you is that she probably needs to realize that a size six is average for a normal person and she does not have to be a size -99 just to be beautiful.After all beauty is not what is outside but what is inside and if she would just get self confidence then she can fell better about the way she looks.Try getting her instead of doing horrible things to her body to exercise and/or change her diet.Do not go with the whole atkins thing or whatever because those don't really work just keep her on a low calorie diet but still eat all the food groups.
point out hugely obese fatties
Take her shopping- MAKE her go shopping- and let her pick out clothes she really likes and that make her feel good. Get a personal shopper (if there are stores around you providing them) that can help with picking out a wardrobe that boosts your daughters confidence. This will help in the short term.
Just talk to her. Reason with her, don't give up.
present her with the facts... calculate her bmi and show her she is underweight.
ask her to choose a celebrity she would like to be the size of and ask her to choose a celebrity size she thinks she is and show her she has a distorted perception of herself
boys do not find skeletal skinny girls attractive.... tell her this... ask on yahoo answers or find similar questions.
children never believe their mothers about this stuff but talk to her friends without her knowledge and get them to subtley tell her she is too thin.
talk to her teachers as a last resort
feed her her favourite meals... all kids love fast food.
make sure their is always food she loves in the house.
if all else fails remove her privelidge until she puts on weight.
i hope she will be ok
good luck
edit....
if she seems like she is eating a normal amount make sure she is not being sick. check the history on her computer to make sure she is not visiting pro anna or pro mia sites. make sure the house is warm (anorexics like it cold so they burn more energy to stay warm). keep an eye out for laxatives and skin peeling around her knuckles and fingers where she will be putting her fingers down to be sick.
i used to have that problem when i was younger.i never used to like to go in pools in public b/c i thought everyone was looking at my fat, so i never swma but then i started to lose weight and gained confidence and now im in shape and have a great body. i had to learn that how i perceived myself mattered and thats how i go through life today. so try to get your daughter to understand that the only thing that matters is how she sees her self. so i would suggest like maybe bonding together and like working out together and having fun with her so her self esteem is higher and maybe she can view her self better and not ocus on what others think.
Call your local department of mental health and look for behavioral counseling-it does sound like your daughter is very well on the way to convince herself that she is fat and ughly and the next thing that can happen is Bulimia/anexoria. If you tried them already, call United Way in your area--they often provide counseling on a sliding scale, according to what you can afford....Good luck
Lots of love...................dont make a big issue of it though. That will only make her stubborn about what she says she thinks.
Just give her lots of love and acceptance. Kids go through fazes and you just have to bear with it.
Dont allow this to become a point of contention with you both.
Give her time. Remark every once in a while how pretty she is.
Then give her lots of love and get her interested in doing something for someone who really has a problem. Encourage her to see what hardships others go through.
Then just show her how much you love her.
I happen to believe that love can cure most anything.
the more you try to assure her the more she'll pull away she needs a friend who will take her out to eat love and assure her, moms love but sometimes there love appears to not be wanted by the teen but i assure you your love is invaluable.
Well this is not in any book and sounds a little off the wall... but what you do is get her involved in humanitarian work. When she is dealing with people that have problems (serious problems) she will find that her body is the least of her worries. You may have to take her out of school. Its okay to do so because sometimes the influences and stress of school keep everything to fresh in her mind. It is better to have her alive and out of school then dead and being educated.
Her staying in the house is the worst thing you can allow to happen. I would find a place ... for me it was a farm... where I could work hard and get my mind off things. It takes time.
The therapists that spend time on telling you to watch when she goes into the bathroom, drawing an outline of her body..etc. are a waste of time to a hard core person with a disorder.
Possibly she has been without good nutrition for so long that it is effecting her judgement. You should get only healthy foods for her to eat. And she needs to take a good multivitamin and mineral suppliment to give her the tools to get back on track as soon as possible. She is probably so depleated she cannot be expected to make good choices.
Get her to some fresh air. Help her to find a greater calling. She may feel like this is no place for her in this life. Suggestions: Food kitchens, tutoring children, helping the homeless, helping animal rescue,
She has to come to the conclusion herself that she is not fat. The more people feed into her behavior the more she will continue down the same path. The apex of insanity is to continue doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result. That is why this situation calls for drastic measures.
Hopefully this helps. Peace to you and the person involved,
Stephanie
It may be beneficial to have her meet some larger people who are comfortable with their bodies. She needs to realize that the average size of girls who have a normal BMI are probably between sizes 2 and 9. Help her meet guys without letting her know you are setting things up or if possible makeover her look, that might also help to boost her self esteem.
make her happy so she would forget about thinking she is "fat" i only 14 but heyy. You can help her by just talking to her about school stuff. of asking frineds to just talk to her about happy subjects.
my daughter has the same problem, shes 5 ft 9 in. and weighs 118 lbs. she thinks shes fat, she looks like a stick person to me. I told her you dont eat you die, she thinks shes fat. If you find any help please relay to me.
As a 16 year old girl with an eating disorder and a mother like you trying to drag me away from it i feel like i am pretty qualified to answer this question.
You cannot force her to see herself as okay. It just doesn't work that way. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you, that's okay. That's why she has her therapist. Don't make her eat more than she is comfortable with, so long as she is still a healthy weight. Most importantly, try not to pressure her. It just makes it worse.
As for what TO do, try a vacation. Ask her where she wants to go and get away from town for awhile. It's therapy on its own.
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