What does it feel like . . . being bipolar?!
Question: I was just curious, also what are symptoms of it?
and also what is "manic"
thanks.
My sister is bipolar and I asked her what it feels like and she wouldn't tell. All she said was "I don't want to try and describe it to you."
Answers: I was just curious, also what are symptoms of it?
and also what is "manic"
thanks.
My sister is bipolar and I asked her what it feels like and she wouldn't tell. All she said was "I don't want to try and describe it to you."
When I have mania, it is like I am all powerful, at one with the world, the ideas are pouring from me, my life is blossoming. Everything I touch turns to gold. I am incredibly creative and intelligent, I think so quickly. I have a lot of fun around others and make a lot of jokes. I don't get these much anymore-I think most people get fewer hypomanic episodes as they get older. These hypomanic episodes probably last a month or two. Usually, the work I do is good during these episodes, but there is also often some self-important crap that I thought was good at the time. I end up blowing a lot of money on stupid things like jewelry and clothes, things I don't need. In the past I have been totally inappropriate like did computer sex and went bankrupt etc. etc, totally out of character for me. I sleep 2 to 4 hours a night during these times, sometimes as much as 6.
Then I am crushingly defeated. I can't get out of bed. Or, I can't even decide between chicken noodle soup or a sandwich, so I go back to bed and eat nothing. Nobody cares. Everyone hates me (despite ample evidence to the contrary). I can't think. Can't pay attention. I sleep 12 to 16 hours a day, or even more (I do get a terrible backache).
Sometimes, I can be both at the same time. The anguish is intolerable. I am in agony, like everybody I loved betrayed me deeply and I deserved it because I am divinely evil, and should suffer for my sins (not that I've done anything particularly wrong). The world would be better off if I am dead. The delusion going on here is that my supposed evilness goes far beyond my real influences in life. Everyone in the world would be better off if I were dead. It's grandiose, but in a bad way. Also, in this mood (which is called dysphoric mania, mixed moods, whatever) I am quite hyper and agitated about these things. It is quite a torture. It is hell on Earth. Like being burned alive in the flames of Hell. The most agony that anyone could ever experience, and it goes on and on and on and on and on for months at a time with almost no relief. Worse than the straight depression, because I sleep through most of my regular depression and mostly don't care. This mixed moods is my USUAL state of being. I actually resent the people in my life insisting that they want me to live. I believe it is euthanasia if I kill myself, but since nobody else thinks so (THEY aren't in my head and don't know how I suffer) I continue to suffer along. In mixed moods, it can appear that my emotions are changing rapidly, but they are not-I am despairing, but I keep a lid on it most of the time so far as my behavior goes. I explode and verbally berate my husband when something interferes with my control, like frustration (such as filling out forms, making a mistake on Sudokus, have trouble with the DVD player). I still get the obsessional behavior that I get with hypomania. I really hate it when someone interrupts me when I am doing "My Work." Whatever that is. Definitely needs the capital letters, because it is so important to me. It could be any project at all, and switch from hour to hour. When I'm at my most emotional, which is usually caused by frustration, as I said before, I can't think. Such as doing income tax forms, I have a math degree, it is trivial, but I just cannot follow the directions. Can't even follow a recipe for cookies. Then I cry and cry and want to blow my brains out because I am so stupid and worthless and a parasite on society because I am disabled and my husband and everyone else hates me and the world would be so much better off if I were dead because then I wouldn't be parasitizing all you nice people who work hard for a living to support me, I am a tick. You get the idea. It all streams in a flow like that, and oh, how it hurts. And I really believe this stuff. Nobody outside of my home can tell from my behavior, tho. I'm too smart to show it-I know how to act. If I'm talking to my therapist, psychiatrist or a social worker, or going on about this with my husband, well, that blows the lid off. I have noticed recently, if you put all the symptoms of mania and depression on a dartboard and threw several darts at it, that would be my symptoms that week or month.
As soon as my mood improves, all these thought go away like magic. The way I don't kill myself is I remind myself over and over that I'm not thinking quite right and my husband and brother and cats need me.
I take Lamictal and lithium. These pills make me very tired and somewhat dizzy. I also use a light box (usually used for seasonal affective disorder) and go for counseling. I go to a social club for people with mental illnesses. I have a psychiatrist and a social worker, go to educational groups and live on disability. If I didn't do all those things, I would definitely suicide. The pills really do take the edge off, so now I can get a few things done, but yesterday, it took me 5 hours to gather enough energy to make some stew. I'm a good cook, this was not a lot of effort, and my husband was willing to help.
You would be surprise at what information you can find if you use the search button. The answer you are looking for cannot be answered in a couple of pages.
it's like slowly dying in a ditch , then suddenly you pick yourself up and have energy for life , the a few months later you will start rotting in that ditch again, and almost rot away and each time you do you lose a little of yourself
first off, please realize living with this disease, is very hard, unless it is being managed, for sufferer and family a like. the important part is to remember that it can be managed, iam living proof. first off lets start by answereing what is manic? i felt i could go without much sleep, i spoke very rapidly, i could not even complete tasks, because i couldnt concentrate correctly, and i lost my temper easily. being bipolar feels like to me, like a rollar coaster ride with cybil at the switch, it is very scary, not fun, and you feel out of control of yourself. you see, when you feel so up and hyper you have no place to go but down, to the black pits of depression. being bipolar maens extreme mood swings that are out of control, and having little impulse control-like making spur of the moment decisions that you sometimes end up regreting, like losing your temper with a friend or family member, or deciding to use drugs and or alcohol, or even cutting on yourself. i hope your sister is able to manage her symptoms, or is working toward that goal. good luck to you and your family, and i hope i was able to help.
Its a time of ups and downs. A manic episode is when one feels like he/she is on top of the world. They may indulge in risky activites or go on shopping sprees they can't afford. And then follow it up with an extremely depressive mode. On medication people living with bipolar disorder can lead a normal life.
In a nutshell, Sorry, no pun intended, it's like a battle being fought inside of your own head. Without appropriate medication and treatment you can drive yourself crazy. Being bi-polar I would imagine that your sister can be difficult to be around sometimes. She doesn't understand it herself, so she really can't explain it to anyone. If you want to help her learn to understand her. She has an illness that can effect the whole family. Help her work with it.
my manias do not feel like highs very long. I go fast into anxiety, shaking, agitated, my mind will not shut up, I cannot sleep.
my depressions are nothing but wanting to die.
hopefully your sisters are different.
take care and just give her a sympathetic ear if she asks for it. don't push her into talking about it if she is not ready.