Have you lost a friend through suicide?!
Question: Ok, I pretty much stay in one section of Y!A...and this is totally a different thing then I am used to. A close friend of mine (not close to my husband) killed himself. This was a guy I could cut up with...we shared the same sense of humor...he never seemed upset. He was a rock for me several times. He made a few calls (all I got was a text) prior. We all are floored. This was a lot of emotion over a relationship. The girl is crumbling...I dunno what to say to her. What do I say to her??!! Man, my husband is normally who I go to for "serious" stuff like this but he is not supportive and almost leaning toward "he is selfish, get over it." I have lost contact w/ friends since I became a momma, and he was one of my "good ole party-time back in the day..." buds but we never lost contact. So my "now" friends are supportive, but I have no one that it hit, but the girlfriend. Man I loved that guy...I don't know why I am rambling. What made you feel better when a "so called happy
Answers: Ok, I pretty much stay in one section of Y!A...and this is totally a different thing then I am used to. A close friend of mine (not close to my husband) killed himself. This was a guy I could cut up with...we shared the same sense of humor...he never seemed upset. He was a rock for me several times. He made a few calls (all I got was a text) prior. We all are floored. This was a lot of emotion over a relationship. The girl is crumbling...I dunno what to say to her. What do I say to her??!! Man, my husband is normally who I go to for "serious" stuff like this but he is not supportive and almost leaning toward "he is selfish, get over it." I have lost contact w/ friends since I became a momma, and he was one of my "good ole party-time back in the day..." buds but we never lost contact. So my "now" friends are supportive, but I have no one that it hit, but the girlfriend. Man I loved that guy...I don't know why I am rambling. What made you feel better when a "so called happy
(((((HUGS)))))) I am so sorry Kat , you are dealing with all this.
" I feel cheated" is correct! I felt exactly that way! I felt that way when my uncle died from taking his life but especially from my dad. He did not take his life, but it was sudden and totally unexpected and I feel very cheated. That's exactly what I said at his funeral.
When someone dies (especially when taking their life) you will always have regrets, you will think the what ifs...
You can't think like like that it will literally make you go crazy.
Anger, heck yeah, you are going to be angry because it's not like he died of cancer or kidney failure. He took his life. Some people say well "he had control over it" (or he chose to do it so...) and yes this can be true if you compare it to i.e. cancer (there's no control) but when someone takes their life it's for various reasons, one reason we know is that he couldn't cope. You probably made it known to him that he could have came to you for anything. Knowing you from here on Y/A he had to have believed it. He could have been dealing with a depression but hid it for years. He could have been ashamed, even when you have a best friend it is so hard to come out and actually say out loud that you deal with depression. It's such a hard thing to come to terms with and sometimes it is so easy to think .."life would be so much easier if I didn't have to wake up" when you are in that frame of mind you are not thinking about others, you are not thinking about the pain you will be inflicting and the fact that you will be missed and people will grieve. You are so wrapped up in pain and just overwhelmed that the solution is simple..death.
Some might consider it to be selfish and the answer is yes and no. Yes because he should have gotten help, but no he wasn't because he didn't know any other way.
I could go on with more of a personal experience first hand but I don't want everyone on Y/A to see it so if you would like I can email you. I'll check back for a response. I hope I didn't go on and on...my mind is wandering....but I wouldn't mind going into detail on my experiences if you would like. It might be some insight.
Edit: as far for her, just be there. When she wants to talk she will and just listen. I always got irked when someone would say "oh he's in a better in place" I would think no he isn't. Here with me is the place! So let her cry and it's okay if you break down and cry with her.
When i was 16 one of my closest friends killed himself really unexpectadly, he was 4 years older than me and was the one person i would go to for everything. I know at first you hold a grudge and it seems like they are the selfish ones... but he must have been hurting enough to want to end it...
The only way to move on is to think that really we're the selfish ones to think that we would want them to stay with us and have to continue on with the pain they are in.
He's probably a lot happier now... even if he seemed happy when he was around you... And he most likely was but sometimes its just not enough...
You need to really try to trust that it was their decision alone, and they've tried to move on...so you should try too as well. They wouldnt want you to dwell...
I hope i helped.
But it never really stops hurting.
I almost did. My friend got really depressed, although she didn't always show it. I knew some of what was going on, but not enough that I could do anything about it. I'm not sure how close to the edge she got, but, by her wrists, it looked pretty close. I was scared for her, but fortunately she got better.
There's a website I found the other day, www.suicide.org (I'm pretty sure) that had a bunch of stories of people that are coping with the suidcide of a loved one or close friend.
It is hard to deal with such pain, but you must make sure you do not become to depressed and do the same. Mourn now, and hopefully you will learn he is always there with you. No matter where you are, he will be there with you.
"Why do people do this sh*t?"
People do "this sh*t" because they can't cope. Which is more selfish - escaping pain or expecting someone to live for your own sake? If I hear one more person call suicide selfish, I'm going to lose it. You feel "cheated" because you expect someone else to live in order to fulfill your life, which is the ultimate selfishness. It's your life, your body, and it's you who has to live every day - it's your right alone to end that. I'm sorry for your loss, but I hope people can stop calling this selfish so that those who are depressed or considering leaving can get nonjudgmental help.
I'm sorry for being rude in my answer. I've just seen a lot of hateful reactions to friends' suicides, and no one was around to help because they were all too angry and quick to label the act as selfish. Calling it selfish helps no one. At the very best, it guilts a couple of gullible people into living miserable lives; it doesn't get at the root of the problem.
Edit: I just reread this, and I'm sorry that it came off mean. You just need support because your friend is gone, so I'm sorry for taking out my frustration on this question.
(((((HUGS!!!!))))) I haven't lost a friend, but my older brother. I was home at the time he did it. I was in shock and thought he was happy and thought if I "knew" I could've stopped it. This happened almost 14 years ago and I am still not over it and have a bunch of anger over what he has missed and miss him every day. I really don't know what to say to you to make you feel better. There are really no words.... As far as his girlfriend goes, the only thing I could suggest is offering her a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to her, and happy memories of the times you have shared with him. Your husband is probably like most men who do not express emotion the way we do. Having him hold you when you cry and to listen to you vent your feelings about this is probably the most he is capable. The "get over it" attitude is a way of putting it out of your mind and focusing on other things, but doesn't work until you have dealt with all of your feelings. This is NOT any easy situation to deal with and will take quite a while to get over. I am very sorry for your loss...suicide definitely SUCKS! Best wishes and more ((((HUGS)))) for you.
He might have had a mental illness. He might have been overwhelmed with life and he panicked. That's what people who commit suicide do, they panic.
You can remember him, and honor him. He made a mistake by killing himself, actually more than one mistake. He hurt those around him.
First off, I am sorry for your loss. It's difficult to lose a friend, it's more difficult to lose a friend so suddenly without warning. *hug*
I haven't lost a friend through suicide, but I lost a cousin. We hadn't seen each other since we were kids, so we weren't that close anymore. This happened about 9 years ago. It was over a girl, how stupid that seems, over a GIRL! He was depressed that his girlfriend left him and I guess he told her he was going to buy a gun that day and commit suicide, she didn't tell anyone, and he did it. I don't understand why people do it. Nothing is worth taking your own life for! He was 18 or 19 at the time, so young!
Why certainly - It's selfish because the person is killing themselves over issues that can be resolved, they are leaving behind parents, grandparents, friends, siblings, cousins, aunts/uncles, the list goes on and on and all of these people they left behind are dumbfounded. They have to find closure some how. This person chose to take their own life and in turn have hurt a lot of people and left them with so many unanswered questions.
Sorry, I got off an a tangent, but I just had to respond to that.
Anyways, I hope you feel better soon. Know that it is not your fault and sometimes people do things that we do not and cannot understand. I'm sorry you lost a close friend :)
EDIT: I'm re-reading this and it seems so void of emotion. I'm sorry, half-asleep, can't sleep as my husband is not home from work yet at almost 9 pm! Anyways, I am sincere in my answer, although reading it doesn't seem that way. If you need someone to listen (through e-mail if you can call that listening) I'm here :)
EDIT (again): Thanks, I got tired of the cartoon avatar pic. I like that new pic of Maggie, such a cute smile!
EDIT (last time): I heard "Shadow of the day" by Linkin Park this morning on the way to work, made me think of you...