Self dread and low self confidence?!
Question: I've tried absoloutely everything to get rid of this self-dread, and gain just sommme confidence or respect for myself, but over the last couple years i've just had extreme moodswings from the rare once a month feeling i have veryhigh hope to acheiving the confidence i lack, (usually after like reading a book or movie, lasts about 30 minutes),then major low points completely take back any feeling of that. My self confidence causes me to be uncomfortable around ANYbody. Even awkard with my family or close sister in normal conversation. So i can never speak my mind, or speak, or be 'myself'. And because I am only myself around me, and because i dread myself, It causes the whole "being myself" part to be this daily low point... no matter where i am, what i'm doing, because i've grown so used to it. So main reason for all this explanation, What are some small steps i can take to gain confidence/esteem? would going to places alone, to make me more reliable on myself do anything?
Answers: I've tried absoloutely everything to get rid of this self-dread, and gain just sommme confidence or respect for myself, but over the last couple years i've just had extreme moodswings from the rare once a month feeling i have veryhigh hope to acheiving the confidence i lack, (usually after like reading a book or movie, lasts about 30 minutes),then major low points completely take back any feeling of that. My self confidence causes me to be uncomfortable around ANYbody. Even awkard with my family or close sister in normal conversation. So i can never speak my mind, or speak, or be 'myself'. And because I am only myself around me, and because i dread myself, It causes the whole "being myself" part to be this daily low point... no matter where i am, what i'm doing, because i've grown so used to it. So main reason for all this explanation, What are some small steps i can take to gain confidence/esteem? would going to places alone, to make me more reliable on myself do anything?
Trying to gain self confidence and build a higher self-esteem is so much more difficult than people realise, especially when you have so much dislike for yourself.
I have anorexia, so yeah my self-esteem is not so great either! I am talking to my therapist and we are working on building my self esteem to around a 10 by the end of our sessions. (I told her that now it's about a 2).
She suggested to me that I should write out little posive self-esteem boosting cards and place them everywhere so I can read them and gain a little boost of confidence.
She also suggested keeping a journal. It sounds stupid, but you feel so confident within yourself when you do. It helps you understand yourself more and find out who you really are.
Also, try doing little things that make you feel good! Weather it's having a relaxing bubble bath, going for a walk, listening to music, going to the movies with friends, buying a new outfit or going to a family lunch. If you take care of yourself and do fun things, you'll start learning to love you!
Talk to your family and friends about your low confidence too. I did and my family are really helping me build myself back up and I'm starting to like myself again, although it is really hard.
Try positive self-talk as well. Whenever you feel a negative self-hate comment sneaking into your head, tell it STOP and counter attack it with a positive comment about yourself.
Write a list about all the things you love about you! Never lose who you really are and accept yourself. Your friends and family love you and think you're great and you should too!
Going to places alone can be tricky when you're having a low self-esteem moment, but yes by practicing spending time on your own, you'll learn to like it. When I first started recovery from anorexia, I refused to be apart from my mum. I was afraid I hated myself too much that I might try self-harm one day.
Since then, I've been gradually spending more time on my own and I can now actually do fun things and laugh and smile and feel great just being by myself!
Seeing a counsellor or therapist would probably really assist you. Also try reading up on gaining self confidence on websites and books.
I know how hard it is to believe people like you when you don't even like you! But don't worry, just focus on taking small steps and you'll discover just how much you value and love you!
=] Good luck and remember to believe in you!
You've taken your first, but online communities are not tactile, or, something that you can touch, feel, understand face-to-face. Join a club that represents your interest, and you'll meet someone right away. The conversation will be easy because you will be able to converse about the common topic which you both share interest in. Worst comes to worst, bash your ideas and concerns out here, and someone is bound to answer. Like me! I think you're pretty cool.
What I do is think of all of the things that you are good at or enjoy doing. Then think of all the things you are not so good at or dislike doing. Then make plans to do the things you like as much as possible and things you hate as little as possible.
Take time out of your day as YOU time. DO only stuff you want.
Talking with a friend about how I feel has always helped me. Talking to really anyone helps me. Talking to someone solidifies your feelings and makes them easier to deal with than if you just keep them in your head.
I don't know about going anywhere on your own. That could go wrong because if something bad happens you'll be stuck there alone and you'll feel even worse.
I say just identify the things you like the most or are good at and do them as much as you can.
Or find something you are passionate about and learn more about it. Learning a new language that you always loved can make you feel a lot better because you'll be proud that you did something and smarter.
If you want to read a good book about being 'yourself' and stuff like that I would recommend this book: "Conversations with God: Book I"
It isn't what it seems. It isn't some super-religious "YOU NEED GOD TO BE HAPPY" book. (I'm an athiest and I even read it...) It made me look at life a lot differently and made me think differently about what it means to be yourself.
You sound bipolar like me. I've seen a doctor who I trust completely and see every week. Somethimes I feel like she's the only one who gets me...even though I'm paying her! Antidepressants don't work at all but an mild anxiety pill might get you though breaking the ice so to speak.
If you can't do that. I'd say make yourself get out of bed during the hard days and go out to eat w/ your family or something. Even if you don't say much you've made progress! Good luck
I don't know how you feel about spirituality but you can try that. It doesn't mean that you have to have a God or anything but it helps find you. Theres a book that seems to be helping people called A new earth by Eckhart Tolle. Learn chants that will help you like "I am stronger than confidence" or "I will speak my mind". Learn and practice this in a mirror perhaps that will help. It starts with you to believe in yourself. Know that you have a place on this earth and once you get a bad thought in your head that tells you you don't deserve a voice then simply say "You have no right in my head, leave now" and believe it. That's all it is your ego talking down to you.
The simplest and easiest way to start is to do daily positive affirmations. You can find them easily on-line and/or make your own. Write each one on a separate note-card. Go to a mirror and read one of the cards. Now look at yourself in the mirror and repeat the affirmation you just read and then do it again.
You can do a different affirmation the next day or stick with the same one. You can also do them multiple times in one day. It's all up to you. You can also buy books that have affirmations written for each day of the year.
Go to http://www.vitalaffirmations.com/affirma... for further explanation on why and how positive affirmations work.
Go to http://www.more-selfesteem.com/affirmati... for a list of self-esteem focused positive affirmations. Try your own web searches too.