How do I change? FYI I'm a 17 year old female!?!
Question: I realize I do need to change what I have been doing, however don't know how to do it. I self-mutilate (by cutting/ burning) and have done so for over a year now, and like many have become addicted to it and do it daily. I also overdose on painkillers (such as Ibiprofun, Tylonal, Advil, and Benadryl). I have been admited to the hospital many times (12 in the last 2 years). I have refused help, and whenever someone trys to help I usually lie (an example of that is me lying many times to get out of the hospital quicker, and also so they wouldn't find anything wrong with me). I have 3 autistic sisters, a bi-polar aunt, and 2 schitzo uncles. I think I may be depressed but wouln't let others know that. I don't do what I do for attention. I actually hide my scars from my family, and if you didn't know me you'd think I was normal. Anyways the reason I think I need to overcome this is cause if I continue this way my docter did say my liver is weakening and one or two more times could be fatal,
Answers: I realize I do need to change what I have been doing, however don't know how to do it. I self-mutilate (by cutting/ burning) and have done so for over a year now, and like many have become addicted to it and do it daily. I also overdose on painkillers (such as Ibiprofun, Tylonal, Advil, and Benadryl). I have been admited to the hospital many times (12 in the last 2 years). I have refused help, and whenever someone trys to help I usually lie (an example of that is me lying many times to get out of the hospital quicker, and also so they wouldn't find anything wrong with me). I have 3 autistic sisters, a bi-polar aunt, and 2 schitzo uncles. I think I may be depressed but wouln't let others know that. I don't do what I do for attention. I actually hide my scars from my family, and if you didn't know me you'd think I was normal. Anyways the reason I think I need to overcome this is cause if I continue this way my docter did say my liver is weakening and one or two more times could be fatal,
Yeah your doctor is not joking and you should take him very seriously. The pain killers are going to shut down your liver if you continue. I'd imagine you use the pain killers to numb yourself and make it easier to self mutilate. Or you use them to pass yourself out to keep from cutting.
Basically most people who are cutters are so because of deeply repressed emotions and traumatic memories. - abuse, neglect, abandonment, broken home life, dealing with very hard situations, serious relationships that end, losing friends, dealing with depression/anxiety and on and on. Cutters do it as a sort of escapism, self punishment or just as a means to feel like they are even alive.
This has to do with impulse control and just like with gambling and porn and other non-drug related problems, it can be addicting. Apperantly you know that you have a problem with this and that is the first step. The next is to realize that you need help and not cut any corners or put it off or make excuses or anything other than just admit it and seek help.
You seek help by telling your parents (or someone you can trust) you are having these problems. It sounds like your home may not be very suitable for you and maybe you'd be happier living in foster care until you are 18. Since you are 17 that will only be a short time. But by removing yourself from the possible negative situation at home, you can begin to truely heal yourself. And this means you reach out to others who are getting help but are also going through similar problems. Find a support group (the cutter's version of AA) get online and find positive support there. But ultimately you're probably going to have to bite the bullet and admit you need to get into treatment and stop playing games with lies and deception and face your problems.
My sister was a cutter too. She took it too far and cut open an artery. When she left the hospital she turned to meth and other drugs instead. She's now a recovering meth addict at age 22. In 5 years who know's where you will be. But it is far more better for you to seek help now rather than later and possibly end up like my sister or worse.
Don't refuse help. It might seem embarassing, but tell someone about your condition. Embarassment is better than dying and letting down those who care about you....you do know that, right? Lots and lots of people care about you. I care about you and I don't even know you! So PLEASE get help, don't refuse it. Nobody wants you to die! If you think that you're depressed, take anti-depressents. Do not commit suicide!!!!! Remember your family and friends and how sad they'd be if you did. You're not stupid. Keep that in mind. You're just going through some tough times.
There are a lot of phone support lines out there that can help you turn your life around:
http://teenadvice.about.com/od/crisislin...
It might be easier for you to first talk to someone anonymously over the phone, and then hopefully they can steer you towards other services that can help you.
I know that things may seem overwhelming and you may feel like the only one who has all this to deal with -- but there are others and there are resources to help you get better. And you deserve to get better.
im kind of in the same situation as you are, you need to find otherways to releave your stress, if you are depressed maybe going on an anti depressent would help its not for everyone but it does help lots of people. you might need to talk to a counselor more than once a week if your willing to put in the effort.....its going to be hard really hard...but just have to work through it and knowing that your liver weakening and that it could be fatal should also help be a motivator
also try getting rid of stuff that you hurt yourself with, try not to be alone be around people so the urge doesnt come so often!
stop it
I've learned over the years that there is nothing to be ashamed of in suffering depression. Most people will go through some form of mental illness to some degree during their lifetime. Please don't refuse help or meds but get help with the overdosing. We all like to hide behind a happy face so others won't know what's going on in our heads, but there are people who want to help. Try the online community called Daily Strength. I've found a lot of support there. The website is http://dailystrength.org
i will pray for you that you can overcome this, and not bible-thumping but you could try praying too.
my heart goes out to you, and you need to stop refusing and get help
don't wait untill the next time it gets bad
find a doctor or someone that can help, because there is someone that can analyze the situation and help you.
all it takes is just printing this out and giving it to a doctor, really.
good luck!