This one relationship messed me up forever?!
Question: Okay so when I 15(i'm 18 now) i had sex with a guy who in the end didn't like me for me and and just liked me for my body.so that kind of made me not trust anybody I meet.It took my best friend 3 years before I could trust her again. I think everybody wants something from me.I think every guy that dates/likes me doesn't like me for me but only like me for my looks.I don't really tell people how I'm feeling.I push people because of the fear of being rejected or hurt.I don't have many friends because again the fear of rejected or hurt I'm always a ***** to people I just met so that way they don't wanna talk to me.I always hurt people before they could hurt me.How can I fix this?
Answers: Okay so when I 15(i'm 18 now) i had sex with a guy who in the end didn't like me for me and and just liked me for my body.so that kind of made me not trust anybody I meet.It took my best friend 3 years before I could trust her again. I think everybody wants something from me.I think every guy that dates/likes me doesn't like me for me but only like me for my looks.I don't really tell people how I'm feeling.I push people because of the fear of being rejected or hurt.I don't have many friends because again the fear of rejected or hurt I'm always a ***** to people I just met so that way they don't wanna talk to me.I always hurt people before they could hurt me.How can I fix this?
Well, first, you are not unaware of yourself and your actions, so this is a huge step in your healing process, because that is what needs to happen here; you need to heal. In order to do that you must find a way to forgive this idiot of a man. His actions were his own; do not allow him to continue to steal your joy of life, by holding resentment toward him. Let it go, and you will find that that very act will free up a lot of room in your heart for new people. When the heart is hurt, it can carry the memory of what happened for a lifetime. Instead of carrying it in the form of pain, look at the situation and ask yourself what POSITIVE things did you take away from the experience. This can be hard, so I will start you off; obviously have the emotional capacity to love outside of yourself. You learned to see beauty an appreciate another for who they are, never mind right now that it wasn't returned. Revel in the fact that you have the capability to do that, and when you are ready, you will do it agan. That is beautiful. Write down your revelations that you came across in this relationship. The good and the bad. When you see yourself, hurting someone , or being mean to a person that is just trying to get to know you, stop, identify it as your defense mechanism, remind yourself that this person is NOT the idiot who hurt you and then ask yourself, "does this person deserve to be treated this way?" Make yourself AWARE of what you are doing and make yourself accountable for your actions. DO not choose to stay in this victim mentality, because you are keeping yourself in a jail of your own making. Let the hurt go, and in its place, I promise you, you will find happiness. Blessings....
There is only one way to deal with this: Counseling.
You probably had self-esteem issues before this guy came along; he just brought them out and you have since allowed them to rule your entire existence.
You need to get help to learn to control your emotions and feelings, rather than allowing them to control your life.
Act upon all the negative details that you have mentioned about yourself and turn them positive.
I think the best fix is to get therapy to work out your feelings and get past them. The world sure is full of dogs and players, and it takes time to develop the skills to detect them ahead of time so we can tell them to step off. However, if you swing too far in the opposite direction and push the good people away from you, you're hurting yourself even more.
There's no shame in going for therapy. I've done it and it has helped.
BTW, I was 14 when it happened to me, so I do understand.
Well,
You are going to have to start being a little nicer to everyone and try to realize that not everyone out there is there just to hurt you. That was one big jerk that did that. I know that is a hard step to take but try thinking about that and see if you can slowly start giving others a chance. Otherwise, growing old alone sucks!!!
i had the exact thing happen to me i am now 19..
i couldnt enjoy sex because i would feel dirty and violated..
because the boy i had sex with was really pushy and was older then me
i didnt have such serious trust issues..
but i think you should definitly get help because you cant go on living like this..
and remember there are good people in the world=]
Well, at least you recongize it. You need to see a therapist if you want to get over it quicker, but could also do it yourself. Start by waiting until marriage to have sex and let any prospective boyfriends know your stance on that. Tell them you had a bad experience with someone in the past and have decided it's best to wait until you are fully committed to that person. If they don't respect it, then you will not have the need to trust them. If they respect it, then you have a good start with someone. With regard to girl friends, if they have never hurt you, you just need to blindly trust each one and if they hurt you, shut them out at that time, but not before.
I think everyone on earth can relate to what you're saying.
Everyone has been betrayed in some little way and some people have been betrayed in ways that hurt so deeply that they feel as though they can never trust anyone ever again. A friend of mine once literally said those words. That should will never be able to trust anyone.
People do suck.
I am amazed at HOW BADLY good people can behave.
And yet, building relationships based on trust is the most important thing we do.
We can't operate in the world without trusting people to some extent.
I think you have to say that that first relationship was educational, but not worth dwelling on. Before him, you were too trusting. After him, you are too paranoid
Now is your chance to find a happy medium.
The way to find out about a man you're dating is to talk to him. You don't have to trust someone right away. You don't have to give away your heart.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
We all have the ability to hurt each other. Why we do I will never understand.
Don't be superstitious about that one relationship, though. All you really need is one good man, right?