My depressed father has never got over the death of my brother...?!
Question: Im 25, my father is 52, ive found out over the past year my dad is depressed and takes medication on a daily basis for this and has done for over 10 years now. My mum has hid this from me and my sister, i suppose to protect us but i have obvioulsy noticed his behaviour over past few yrsHe drinks most days and heavily at weekend. He isnt violent or that and not always "down" but when he's drunk his emotions come out. Its me, mum and my sister, my mum gave birth (2 years before me) to a boy, and he died not long after birth, my mum never seen him and i think my dad is still haunted by this to this day, i truly think this is what has made him the way he is today. He gets on really well with my fiance and sees him as a son but he can be a bit obsessive with our lives because of it, ie always wanting to be involved, wanting to socialise with us at weekends etc, when really its not appropriate. I dont want to hurt his feelings but how can i deal with this? He wouldnt go to councelling
Answers: Im 25, my father is 52, ive found out over the past year my dad is depressed and takes medication on a daily basis for this and has done for over 10 years now. My mum has hid this from me and my sister, i suppose to protect us but i have obvioulsy noticed his behaviour over past few yrsHe drinks most days and heavily at weekend. He isnt violent or that and not always "down" but when he's drunk his emotions come out. Its me, mum and my sister, my mum gave birth (2 years before me) to a boy, and he died not long after birth, my mum never seen him and i think my dad is still haunted by this to this day, i truly think this is what has made him the way he is today. He gets on really well with my fiance and sees him as a son but he can be a bit obsessive with our lives because of it, ie always wanting to be involved, wanting to socialise with us at weekends etc, when really its not appropriate. I dont want to hurt his feelings but how can i deal with this? He wouldnt go to councelling
i wont worry too much about your father . he is seeing a doctor about this matter. he is taking medications for his depression. his doctor will be speaking to him about his depression mood and such every time he has to go back in for a refill of his meds.
the drinking is another matter.
clinical depression does not have to have an event that started it . now it may in his case have started at the time of your brothers birth and death but that could well be something that just happened at the time the illness depression came on .
maybe when or if you and your husband have a child he will be happier with a new grandchild.
It seems like the ball is in his court. Everyone copes differently, and it just may be that ostracizing himself is the easiest way for him to deal with the situation.
It is up to him to get the help he needs. I hope things get better for your family.
Dang girl, that's a tough one. Your father needs a girlfriend of his own to keep him company. He just needs extra love. Self control brings maturity. I'm 49 and I've had my share of deaths, divorces, and I have to make self control a high priority. It's one of the fruits of the spirit you know!
He should not be drinking with depression medications. Please talk with him or your mother. He needs intervention for his drinking. I have know many people that AA has helped, but it depends on the individual and if they truel want help. Alcohol is a DEPRESSANT, so it is not helping his situation, but making it much worse. Good Luck.
my sincerest condolence, and my loss was I never met your brother - I'm certain he was an awesome person.
carry on...