I need some advise please?!
Question: My mom has asked me several time to move back in w/ her...mostly due to financial reasons. The reason that I moved out on my own in the first place, was because I wanted my own place, so I can have friends over, & to have more freedom, & do whatever I want w/o hearing complaints or anything from her. (She was very hard on me when I was younger)
I am 25 years old & have been out on my own (have my own place) for a year now, but have been a very responsible person since I was 16 years old.
I have been thinking about it for a while now & the more I think about it, the more I'm dreading moving back in with her because I will loose a very nice apt, my friends wont come over anymore because she's home, & I really like being alone- (not all the time). But moving back in w/ her will help the both of us financially.
I have some other issues w/ her:
like she criticizes me alot,
does not listen to what I have to say,
& always wants me to buy dinner for her.
What do you all think?!!!
Answers: My mom has asked me several time to move back in w/ her...mostly due to financial reasons. The reason that I moved out on my own in the first place, was because I wanted my own place, so I can have friends over, & to have more freedom, & do whatever I want w/o hearing complaints or anything from her. (She was very hard on me when I was younger)
I am 25 years old & have been out on my own (have my own place) for a year now, but have been a very responsible person since I was 16 years old.
I have been thinking about it for a while now & the more I think about it, the more I'm dreading moving back in with her because I will loose a very nice apt, my friends wont come over anymore because she's home, & I really like being alone- (not all the time). But moving back in w/ her will help the both of us financially.
I have some other issues w/ her:
like she criticizes me alot,
does not listen to what I have to say,
& always wants me to buy dinner for her.
What do you all think?!!!
You've basically answered your own question yourself. Most of us already know what to do when deciding between two choices, but need reassurance that's it's a good decision.
1. "She criticizes me alot,"
2. "She doesn't listen to what I have to say"
3. "She always wants me to buy dinner for her"
4-6. "I'm dreading moving back in with her because I will loose a very nice apt, my friends wont come over anymore because she's home, & I really like being alone-"
There's more above than these six...but you get the point.
You're on your own now. There is a reason why you left in the first place, as you have described. You are old enough to live as you chose now. I would imagine that you are at a healthier state emotionally by being apart.
I am a firm believer in speaking the truth in love for everyone's sake. I believe it would be of benefit to your mother to know the reasons why you did not feel comfortable living with her when you were under her roof, and how many of them still hold true today. If she is willing to work on these issues, that is a great sign for your relationship, but she needs to let you go.
Again, this is just one opinion, and you must make the decision for yourself, but from what I've read at least, it sounds as though all the signs are pointing towards having your own space.
Hope this was helpful. Peace and love to you!
Don't do it ! She will have to find away. Whether it be a second job or assistance from social services. You may want to help her from time to time - but do not do it all the time. You will be giving up your life for her and it sounds like she is not willing to give her life up for you - which being the mother it should be that way. I have an over bearing mother, I know the dread !
Speaking from personal experience, DON'T DO IT. Nothing has changed as to the way she will want her house ran. You will always feel like you are in her house not YOUR house. I moved back with my mom for the same reason and now I end up having no money still which leaves me with no way to move out.
Well whatever you choose I hope it works out well for you.
That story sounds familiar... don't do it... you will be going backward...
First, if you do move in back with her set bounries. Like you are your own person and as that you will do what you will do. Second give her the idea that you are there to help and if that help is to come there has to be some guide lines and set the lines in the sand before you agree. Than if she agrees to the terms do what you wish. As for the friends Help them see that you are doing what you can to help out your mother and if they can't be supportive than perhaps you need better friends. I know this because I have had friends that were there only if I did what they wanted me to. If I did what I wanted they didn't like it. So as to your mother asking you to buy food for her tell her that if you can you will and if you can't you won't if she starts arguing about that just say that you moved in to help save money and you can not do that if you are buying food at a resturaunt. They are very costly and would quickly eat up all your savings. no pun intended. But truth. That could be in the boundries and if you set the bounries (Make sure you write them down and make copies for both to sighn. Have one of your friends hold on to it for safe keeping.) If she breaks the agreement have her know that it would and could damage your relationships. I hope this helps.
The financial gain won't matter much if your mentally tormented by her. I was in a similar situation living at my home. And I think its actually easier to live on my own (with room mates) than put with living at home and being treated like I'm still 16. I wouldn't do it. I mean if you need to split rent with someone then consider just finding a trustworthy room mate.
Sounds like you both need to stand on your own two feet but she needs to realise this aswell, it sounds like she is fairly dependant on you for several different reasons.
It also sounds like she still wants the control of the parent - child relationship and doesnt seee you as an adult in your own right. To her you will always be the small child you once were.
It is important for you not to let her do this to you, it might cause friction in the short term but believe me its worth it in the long run. I've been there myself.
Good luck hun.......................x................
WOW!!! This sounds exactly like my life. I am also 25, and I can remember when my mother "suggested" that i move back in with her. Let me tell you, things don't change. It went okay for the first month or so. Then it went right back to the reason I moved out to begin with. At that point you will have to look for a new place again, and go through all the hassles of moving. There are other ways to have her help out finacially.
No don't give up your freedom. You strived for that and succeeded at getting. don't give it up now. You'll feel defeated.
If you're having struggles maybe you could get a roommate to help for a while. Someone you get a long with well.
Tell your mom she needs a boyfriend, someone to help her besides you. It sounds like she is trying to be the child now , and wanting you to be the mother.
To go back there will make it worse for you. As you'll never have privacy, time alone, peace of mind, your own uninterrupted phone calls.
Tell your mom to watch the cooking channel for ideas of how to make something from nothing at all.
You can visit her for a few hours. So you can be reminded of why you left. Don't be afraid to stand you ground firmly.
You can still help her without giving her a free ride with food.
If things are that tight for her can she get govt help.?
You can reflect on things , without ever turning back to them.
Pray about it ask God to open new doors for the both of you. He knows the weight on your heart about this..
she is just looking out for you. to make sure you can save up and to be there for you. parents neeeeever want to se their kids move out. you should be greatful..oh yeah nice picture you are ver y beautiful
DON"T DO IT!!!!!!
You said a mouth full.