Relationship with fathers - is it always the cause of present problems?!
Question: I talked to a psychiatrist and she asked me about my relationship with my father, whether he was a more distant guy or something like that. It is certainly not the case. She asked me this because I seem to have trouble relating to guys. My relationship with my dad has always been perfect, honestly, nothing even close to distant. But if so, then what could be the cause of my present problem of being shy in relating to guys and not having been attracted to any guy in highschool or college?
Answers: I talked to a psychiatrist and she asked me about my relationship with my father, whether he was a more distant guy or something like that. It is certainly not the case. She asked me this because I seem to have trouble relating to guys. My relationship with my dad has always been perfect, honestly, nothing even close to distant. But if so, then what could be the cause of my present problem of being shy in relating to guys and not having been attracted to any guy in highschool or college?
Traditional psychotherapeutic methods often try to uncover links to formative childhood relationships with parents and relate these to present relationship problems but this is not always a sure fire way to fix or understand a relationship issue. It is true that our way of seeing opposite sex (or same sex) relationships develops in the bond we form as children with our parents and that our intimacy, nourishing, and communication skills build during that time. But this doesn't mean that the answer to your insecurities lies in what you experienced with your parents -- it can have all sorts of other influences from self perception, how you feel about yourself, sexuality and identity issues, previous experiences with peers, friends, body image, career or school pressure, even past trauma or abuse, etc. etc. If you feel your psychiatrist is constantly barking up the wrong tree, it is your right to suggest looking into other parts of your life or past as well to find clues. Chances are though, that your psychiatrist is asking about your father to gain insight in other ways that might not be apparent to you in the moment. (Such as to discover your way of relating to others, if you've been abused, etc.)
A good place to start is an examination of how you feel about yourself independent of other external relationships/dating issues and what you really WANT in your life. Most people have shyness or some social anxiety or fear of rejection but if you think something bigger is happening, or if you are distressed about your social life you owe it to yourself to find these answers with the help of a professional councellor. Good luck! You certainly aren't alone.
It is YOU!!!!!! be more respectful in the future...ok?
Get OVER IT! Have a Cadbury's Cream Egg and SNOG a guy ok? You can deal with this... its just a matter of mind over matter... Just place yourself away from your past... you have a life to live and you are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT so put yourself first and dispense with your past and ALLOW yourslef to be attracted to guys and to have FUN FUN FUN!!!
maybe you havent found the right guy that matches up to your dad if your dad is so great maybe youre looking for someone with the same qualities as him?
well i dont really no wat 2 say cus i dont know much about the case but i aways like 2 help if only a lil well i will say that u just need 2 trust guys alil more just not 2 much lol but if u want 2 talk 2 guys just start it esy like as friends then move on dont try 2 do things fast
formative relationships, ie those with parents can have a major impact on our lives, but it isnt the final say. Plus we get to recreate our lives as adults. YOur psych is probably looking at clues as to how to help you, and not judge your relationship with your dad that you dont have to defend. There are often many causes to the one problem. I was shy for years around guys; for years i didnt know it was due to having a very dominating sister who undermined my confidence generally, and not due to my dad. Maybe there were no guys around that were your tastes to be attracted too? good luck
I agree with Grace L. I would only add that psychiatrists and other health professionals go to extreme lengths to avoid asking patients if they have been sexually abused. This is because some abuse is unremembered but memories may surface after a period of time. If there is a hint that the professional suggested it to a patient, then any legal action against the offender will be compromised because the defence would say that the idea was planted in the patient's mind.
Keep on exploring the issue that brought you to your psychiatrist. I hope anything that needs addressing will be straightforward.
Go well
Madeleine