I have deep hatred in me?!
Question: When I was growing up my father always picked on me and it was'nt normal joking around. He made fun of what I ate, drew, said, thinked,everything. So when I was a teenager I was literally on the virge of suicide because I thought I was terrible, a mistake, imperfect. He made me feel terrible, so I got out of the house as much as possible. Everthing I did was wrong, he somehow got satifaction from this. I told him many times to stop but he never listened to me. And on my wedding day he kept taking me away from my husband because he did'nt like him. My husband never liked him either for the same reasons. It's been 5 years since I last saw him. I was married at age 18 an moved to France 1 year after. My heart still aches because of all this. I wish I could turnback time and prevent any of this from happening.
Answers: When I was growing up my father always picked on me and it was'nt normal joking around. He made fun of what I ate, drew, said, thinked,everything. So when I was a teenager I was literally on the virge of suicide because I thought I was terrible, a mistake, imperfect. He made me feel terrible, so I got out of the house as much as possible. Everthing I did was wrong, he somehow got satifaction from this. I told him many times to stop but he never listened to me. And on my wedding day he kept taking me away from my husband because he did'nt like him. My husband never liked him either for the same reasons. It's been 5 years since I last saw him. I was married at age 18 an moved to France 1 year after. My heart still aches because of all this. I wish I could turnback time and prevent any of this from happening.
Look at yourself, you escaped, survived and are in a relationship. You did all of this, not 'Because' of how he treated you, you did it 'Despite' him.
If you let this eat away at you that b***ard wins. Just think of how small and pathetic he must have been to treat a child like that. He doesn't deserve any of your thoughts.
now you hold your head up - you are a survivor, he was wrong. Look how much stronger than him you are. Go girl.
You can't change what happened and you can't change your father. Only your father can change yourself. The problem for you now is getting on with your life and not letting the hate destroy you. It seems like it still has a major impact on you. Go see a therapist to put this in perspective, not necessarily to work it out with your father but to have a life and not let how he was affect you like it has been doing. Good luck.
i don't think you have deep hatred in you, i think you've been HURT deeply. you can't blame yourself. consult w/a counselor/therapist to see how you can resolve these feelings. you can't look to your father. you'll have to dig deep within yourself. the real you is dying to come out to be heard, to live, to laugh and to love life. again, find a very good counselor or therapist. and have faith that you will get past this. take care
first off I'm sorry 2 hear about this i am dealing with similar situations but it hasn't got far yet ............i think you just need to get that anger out you come so far in life .talk to someone before your hate rd gets far. the longer you hold it in the bigger your problem is going to get . if you cant talk to anyone you know get some therapy . this hate rd can hurt you mentally if you don't get it out. you ll end up exploding at the wrong time and hopefully u wont do something or day something you'll regret.....................remember you cant change the past
It's obvious you are a very caring person, and you have a forgiving heart....whatever happened in the past...is the past. Call your father and mend the broken lines of communication. Though your husband and father got off to a poor start, YOU can be the peacemaker and really show your strong communications skills, and your ability to show compassion....Though your childhood wasn't the best...and believe me I'm a living witness (experienced worst), it now serves as the foundation for the amazing strength I now possess. I am just the opposite of what my father thought. I'm strong willed because of my faith in God...and I am a winner in life. If you say I'm a loser, then I'll prove I'm a winner just to prove you wrong. After going through life trying to prove myself, I finally figured out it was in me all the time......As it's also in you....The past is just that the past...You have a chance to start fresh.....
All of this is history now. The only change you have control of how you feel about the situation. Find a therapist to talk to about all this. You can get beyond this..
I understand you. I was beaten since I was young. You see, in my country, it was normal to hit your kids when they are young. I am 20 years now, and just last month I was beaten again by my father who I feel past hatered, I feel aboslutely nothing for him. One year ago, I was raped by a religious man...whom I put all of my trust in and hoped would teach me about God, you see. I walk hurt and sleep hurt. I know that feeling and I know excatlyy what you feel. But, I want you to be strong, get some help( like i'm planning to do w/o anyone knowing) and become what you want. Don't just think strong, BE strong. Your father is similar to mine. One day he will grow old and see that he needed you.
YOU be KIND.
Be good.
Forgive him and free yourself from that hurt.