He's become a complete burden, it's driving me crazy(ier)?!
Question: He's barely making any money ($250 dollars a week , as opposed to the $700 he was bringing in before), I pay all of our bills & with this tremendous decrease in his salary, had to take out payday loans & am not only in debt to our regular debtors, but to the loan sharks as well. He flips out if I tell him how much our utilities cost, refuses to help around the house, he does pick our son after school but brings him home & they play video games until I get home from work. I have to lay out all of the ingredients, down to the pots & pans to use, for him to make dinner, he only does his laundry & doesn't lend a helping hand to do the kids & mine, doesn't make the bed, has a drug problem & sustained frontal lobe damage in an accident when he was 16. He cannot reason, is hyper-sexual & makes many demands on me. He claims he loves me & will never 'let' me leave. I've gained 30 pounds & have chronic neck pain. I've been waking up at 4 every morning praying to God to help me. I get no answer.
Answers: He's barely making any money ($250 dollars a week , as opposed to the $700 he was bringing in before), I pay all of our bills & with this tremendous decrease in his salary, had to take out payday loans & am not only in debt to our regular debtors, but to the loan sharks as well. He flips out if I tell him how much our utilities cost, refuses to help around the house, he does pick our son after school but brings him home & they play video games until I get home from work. I have to lay out all of the ingredients, down to the pots & pans to use, for him to make dinner, he only does his laundry & doesn't lend a helping hand to do the kids & mine, doesn't make the bed, has a drug problem & sustained frontal lobe damage in an accident when he was 16. He cannot reason, is hyper-sexual & makes many demands on me. He claims he loves me & will never 'let' me leave. I've gained 30 pounds & have chronic neck pain. I've been waking up at 4 every morning praying to God to help me. I get no answer.
Actions speak louder than words, do you want your child to grow up with this role model and become just like his dad. Anybody would tell you they love you if they can get away with doing f*ck all. You remember your child may be in when the druggies or loan sharks come around. Maybe for your sake and your child get rid of him who knows he may see the error of his way but I doubt it. But remember even though your praying it also says "God helps those who helps themselves" it depends how much courage you have or whether you want to live like this and it may possibly only get worse. Your in my prayers....
Pray to God he might help you
It really seems that you need to talk to him...but from the sound of it, he wont listen. I don't know if you are married to him or not, but if you are paying for everything you need to step your foot down and say he either helps out, or he is out. I don't know if hes abusive or not, but I would contact someone for help if he is. I just really hope you can do something, because you need to be able to take care of yourself before taking care of everyone else. If you are working, cooking, paying bills and taking care of the kids, the house and him...you are doing too much and you need to step back and make him pick up some of the slack. I really hope for the best for you!
Kick him out of the house, so he knows your serious.
Wow! You need to tell him to leave or get a job. Contact his family and see if they would be willing to help. You can't be the only adult in your child's life, what kind of a role model is he being for your son?
You might be better off without him. He isn't your child, and he isn't carrying his weight. Your burden would be lighter without him, wouldn't it be a lot easier on you if you threw him out?
He is taking advantage of you and you know it. This is physically and mentally stressing you. File for divorce and get a restraining order to keep him away. change your locks. Invest in a home protection company and possibly take lessons and the gun range and purchase a handgun. Believe in your dreams and pray everyday for God to give you strength to get that burden away from you !!!
Sounds like your headed for a melt down, get some help now.
Try to cook ahead on the weekend, make several meals at once, makes it alot easier.
Instead of focusing on what he's not doing, focus on you'd have to do it all if he left.....which may be a better solution.
Less mess, less food costs, utility costs everything would be less if consumption was down. cold but true.
Your stress level would decrease because the demand on your physical and emotional being would be less all the way around.
Good Luck
WOW!! You are not alone. I have a husband who doesn't work, just recently (2 days ago, finally) applied for disability. He does NO housework. He has a history of drug addiction. Luckily not now. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He also has some minor heart problems. He sometimes does the laundry, but I'm very picky about how it's done and sometimes he messes up things. He picks up our son from school and they play video games the rest of the evening (sound familiar??) He does not have any coping skills and is sometimes very unreasonable. In contrast, mine does not want sex at all. which at this point is fine with me. He knows absolutely nothing about anything we owe. He's not interested. He's provided for. It's like having another kid!! Hang in there! I think we need to talk!
kick him outta YOUR HOUSE ! you pay the bills and do most of he house work, so it's really not his house. Kick him out for a couple days and tell him if he doesn't get his act together, hes not getting back in !
Your spouse may be going through depression or mid life crises. He is working less and his sexual urges are getting more attention as this is his forte. Sex is what he is good at and uses this to mask his other symptoms. He may be addicted to sex and this is found to be more common everyday.
The other problems sound like he is suffering from mental immaturity and he has not grown up to your level and he relies on you to always be there for him. You are an enabler and he will not change on his own..He is taking advantage of you and it won't be long before you are either losing your health or your means of income. Good luck
I suggest you talk to him about maybe having depression.I have depression and when it gets bad I start missing work and household chores are forgotten about.He might also have PTSD from age 16 and its just now manifesting.I still take care of truly important things concerning my children.Otherwise my life is nil.Get him to a professional.asap!!!And this sorta thing will and is affecting you.Get help for yourself too.
Please consider removing yourself & your son from this disastrous situation..You are bearing way more than your share of the burden, & the downward spiral isn't going to stop on its own.. He needs to get some serious help, & so do you. Start out by talking to yur doctor & then a counselor of some sort. They can give you guidance, The most imprtant thing is for you & your son to be safe.. I wish you luck in a horrible situation, I'll be praying for you,,