Question about my friend?!


Question: So... a friend of mine has always had problems with his dad, throughout his whole life. I guess you could say his dad is verbally abusive, he calls his son a fa*got (not in a joking way) and is constantly putting him down for how he looks, calling him a fa*got etc. Well, my friend is very comfortable and open with me, and has told me he was starting to get attracted to guys and lose interest in girls maybe 1 & 1/2 years ago. This guy has had girlfriends and somewhat serious relationships with girls before, so i know he hasn't been gay his whole life. And if he was gay his whole life, he would have told me. So, my question is: Is it possible to become gay / attracted to guys because your dad is verbally abusive and calls you these kind of names? Sorry if this is a stupid question. And sorry if i offended anyone.


Answers: So... a friend of mine has always had problems with his dad, throughout his whole life. I guess you could say his dad is verbally abusive, he calls his son a fa*got (not in a joking way) and is constantly putting him down for how he looks, calling him a fa*got etc. Well, my friend is very comfortable and open with me, and has told me he was starting to get attracted to guys and lose interest in girls maybe 1 & 1/2 years ago. This guy has had girlfriends and somewhat serious relationships with girls before, so i know he hasn't been gay his whole life. And if he was gay his whole life, he would have told me. So, my question is: Is it possible to become gay / attracted to guys because your dad is verbally abusive and calls you these kind of names? Sorry if this is a stupid question. And sorry if i offended anyone.

Definitely not a stupid question. The power of words. It does have an effect on people, I can attest to that. I grew up in a similar household, except it was my body being criticized. I'm sorry, a 14-year-old-girl does not need to have gigantic "hooters", as my father would call them. On that note, nobody should have to deal with any kind of destructive abuse, especially from their own parents, and I sympathize with your friend.

I think it's natural to be attracted to the same sex and NOT be gay. I've always been attracted to men, but I went through a period in my teen years, wondering if I was bi-sexual because I was also attracted to women. I never experimented with women, which I do NOT regret, lol, because I know I am not gay, it was just a girl-crush. I do have a friend who went through the same thing as your friend. He started with dating girls in high school. Then in college, he experimented with dating guys. Then after graduation, he tried the bi- thing. Now, he's back to women, I guess the men were just a phase for him. I don't believe it's "just a phase" for everyone, though.

To answer your question, I do not think your friend's dad has pushed him to being attracted to men. Possibly, the dad may have surfaced some feelings in your friend, to something that he may have felt, even without his dad's abuse. I suspect those ideas/feelings could have always been there. This is a very difficult/emotional time in a person's life, when one is trying to discover their identity, and he's being criticized on top of that. This 'issue' is always in the forefront, being thrown in his face, whether it's real or not. Your friend has to face it everyday, which naturally makes him question who he really is, who he wants to be...ohhh the internal conflicts of discovering yourself!

Good luck to your friend.

mind over matter. so yes if his dad consistantly tells him he is something like gay it could make him believe he is

Everyone will have a different opinion on this one. Personally I don't think your friend became gay because his father was verbally abusive and called him those names.

Most likely he has been attracted to men his entire life and has tried to deny his true feelings by having girlfriends and somewhat serious relationships. It is not unusual for gay men to even marry and have children before admitting to themselves and others that they are gay. I went to High School with a guy that did that.

Because being gay is still considered taboo, many people try to deny their true feelings and attempt heterosexual relationships. Personally I think he has been gay the entire time, however it took him until recently to finally admit to himself that he is. That being the case, he wouldn't tell you until he allowed to believe it himself.

Research has shown that most homosexual people are that way from birth. It is often societies rules and perceptions that force them into heterosexual relationships and denying their true sexual identity. Once they accept it themselves, they then need to decide the risk in telling others.

Bottom line, no, I honestly don't think his father's abuse had anything to do with it. I think he has been that way and it has taken this long to admit it.

No. His Father's verbal abuse did not cause him to be gay. And there is nothing wrong with realizing your own sexuality.

Yes, it is very common in abusive relationships of all sorts, A woman having her husband tell her she is fat everyday will soon develop an eating disorder. Even in children, parents who call their children stupid will soon see a drop in their child's grades, because these are people we look up to, we hold their thoughts dear even if they are not true after you hear them enough it makes you wonder.

P.S to the one two above me, this was a big debate when i took my human sexuality class for my bachelors, and i don't care if i offend anyone, but i really find it hard to believe that from birth as a male you say to yourself, "Gee i think i want a cock up my a$$." NO! it is society that causes people to become homosexual and there are many contributing factors, and parental abuse is one of the main ones.

I do not believe so. I don't think that someone can "push you into" your sexuality. If anything, I feel that your freind is one gutsy guy. Maybe has been bi for a while but just afraid to reveal it because of the idiot he has to live with (aka..his dad)?

You know, if you continue to witness this abuse, you can report it to someone you trust. He does not have to endure this abuse.





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