How does one "work on himself"? What can I do to be ready for a relati!
Question: I recently broke up with a wonderful woman - or rather, SHE broke up with ME - because "I have to work on myself." I am in my mid-30s, live with relatives, work as an attorney but only have a temporary position, and I'm not absolutely sure what I want to do with my career. I am looking for a place to rent (or maybe buy if it works out) now and I'm starting with a psychiatrist who specializes in counseling next week for my depression.
That is my current situation. But what does it mean to work on yourself? What do I need to do to be in a place - emotionally - to be ready for a serious relationship? Where should I be in life? I'm very confused and any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Answers: I recently broke up with a wonderful woman - or rather, SHE broke up with ME - because "I have to work on myself." I am in my mid-30s, live with relatives, work as an attorney but only have a temporary position, and I'm not absolutely sure what I want to do with my career. I am looking for a place to rent (or maybe buy if it works out) now and I'm starting with a psychiatrist who specializes in counseling next week for my depression.
That is my current situation. But what does it mean to work on yourself? What do I need to do to be in a place - emotionally - to be ready for a serious relationship? Where should I be in life? I'm very confused and any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
You do seem to be confused -- about a great many things. You aren't sure what you want to do, career-wise, and you aren't sure where you want to live, as well as your uncertainties about relationships. At your age, most women are seeking a stable relationship, including a stable financial and living situation. They need to be able to envision what a future with you would be like, and that's just not possible with you. That is what needs work.
Bottom line is that you you need to know who you are, before you can expect a woman to get to know who you are. You have some work to do figuring out the shape of your life, where you are going to live, where you are going to work. When you have that figured out, you need to put it in action. Actually move into your new home, and start your new job.
It is entirely possible that a mental health issue may have been blocking your progress in this area of your life. So your first step is a good one. See a psychiatrist and find out why you can't seem to make basic decisions.
Life itself is confusing...they don't really tell us in school how to survive and adapt to modern society. It would be nice if they could print a handbook for how to get by in an uncaring corporatist, profiteering society that wants to take, take take and gives back only enough to keep you coming back for more. Absent this handbook, free thinking individuals are required to fend for themselves.
All you need to work on yourself, is to build upon your own mental state. This is traditionally defined by goals, accomplishments, and the gratification associated with them. Even if you feel you have not personally contributed much to society, there is much to build upon your own mental state. Introspect upon your philosophies, and build upon them. Make what you THINK, into what you ARE. I myself associate relationships and life with continuous mediocrity and failure. Despite this, there is always something more to hope for. There is always SOMETHING to look forward to, even if it is a good laugh at the redundancy of life.
If all else fails, keep seeing the docs and popping their pills. We will all be reduced to such a state within due time.
It sounds like you need to fix your depression, work on social skills, and get some goals or dreams for yourself. It sounds like you are moving forward, but it may have been too late for you to save that other relationship. And also remember that, though you have problems that contributed to the breakup, I don't know anything about her--she could have had problems or you could have simply been incompatible.
I think depression will work itself out as you start working on your life--your shrink would know more about that than any of us. I can understand indecision about careers--so maybe instead of a goal, get yourself a bunch of ideas so you can get a direction to be headed in, and then see where life takes you. You've done that already, but got stuck in a holding pattern. So do it again--ask yourself 'where do I want to be', come up with a list of dreams, some silly and some serious, and see what you would have to do to make them reality.
For social skills, you probably need to work on two things--talking to strangers and storytelling. For meeting people, you usually just have to bust out of the comfort of anonimity and start talking to more people throughout your day. For storytelling, learn to leave out details. Usually, someone doesn't need to really understand everything to get the point, and if you leave out anything important, they'll ask (and are thus participating in the conversation, rather than having you drone on like I'm doing in this response). In addition, have some dreams, desires, funny stories, and other such things you can say about yourself. Often being interesting isn't about what you do or what you know, it's about what you like and what you want.
To sum up the above mess, you need to take some time with yourself to assess where you are in life and where you want to be (and probably what kind of woman you want to be with as well). Once you've decided what you want (or have it down to a few options), get to work on it!
well working on your self is a self factoring thing its different then working on a project ...not really its like it kinda..*sorry for the confusion* but its ding what you think you need to improve about Ur self or in your Carce why don't you ask her what she things you need to change about Ur self..
its a long thing to be it is worth it in the long run! OK do what you think is holding you back or need to improve!...that's what i did ! it really works