Can I Help My Friend With Gambling Addiction??!
Question: I've known my guy friend since we were young and we've been really close these last 4 years. Over that time I've noticed he has a tendency to develop bad habits (gambling, drinking, smoking weed). When I try to voice my concerns he becomes defensive. I've been in a relationship where I've been codependent before, so I'm not looking to do that again - but there is a part of me that wishes I could help him.
So, the question is, should I try to help him, or just let him figure it out for himself?
Answers: I've known my guy friend since we were young and we've been really close these last 4 years. Over that time I've noticed he has a tendency to develop bad habits (gambling, drinking, smoking weed). When I try to voice my concerns he becomes defensive. I've been in a relationship where I've been codependent before, so I'm not looking to do that again - but there is a part of me that wishes I could help him.
So, the question is, should I try to help him, or just let him figure it out for himself?
It's going to be a hard decision to make but only you can decide if you want to help him through this because it's very hard. Gambling addiction is just as serious as any other addiction and he does need help. But until he's ready to accept his illness theres no way you can "make him". A good idea though it can't hurt to give these people a call National number Gamblers Anonymous :
NATIONAL HOTLINE 888-GA-HELPS (888-424-3577)
SUGGESTIONS FOR THE NEWCOMER
1. Accept and learn to live with the fact that compulsive gambling is an illness..
2. To question or interrogate the gambler will serve no purpose. You are powerless over this situation. If the gambler has something the gambler wishes to hide, the truth cannot be forced from the gambler. Why try?
3. To nag your gambler about past losses or to talk of what might have been if the gambler hadn't gambled will prove to be detrimental to the gambler's recovery as well as yours.
4. The past is gone and you will not find peace of mind until you can accept it without resentment.
5. The gambler, not you, should be responsible for calling the gambler's creditors to make restitution. Don't take this responsibility from the gambler.
6. Experience has taught us that it is not helpful to borrow monies or co-sign notes to cover gambling debts, while the gambler is gambling or when the gambler comes into Gamblers Anonymous.
7. It is not recommended that the spouse go to work specifically to cover gambling debts.
8. Prudence tells us that compulsive gamblers are seldom able to handle family finances. Perhaps this condition will be altered as the gambler progresses toward recovery.
9. Discourage friends and relatives from lending the gambler money.
10. Gamblers Anonymous is a program for the compulsive gambler. Loved ones should not interfere.
11. It may be well to encourage the gambler to go to the first few meetings, however, after this the Gamblers Anonymous activities must be left to the gambler. To force the gambler to attend meetings is very apt to do more harm than good.
12. The gambler's gambling debts were not incurred over a short period of time, therefore don't be discouraged if the gambler finds it necessary to pay back small amounts of monies over an extended period. Normal family expenses must come first.
13. Recovery is a very slow process for the gambler. Give the gambler your encouragement and have faith.
14. Do take an honest inventory of YOUR character defects and work on them.
15. Come to Gam-Anon even though your gambler may continue to gamble. We understand your problem and if you have an honest desire we can help you through our program.
Please check out their website below, it only takes a few minutes and could change your life
It sounds to me like you know the answer already.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, until he is ready to quit, nothing you can do for him.
Get in touch with the nearest co-dependency group and start attending meetings again. You know the routine. kjl