Husband may have ADHD but refuses to seek our professional doctor?!
Question: Martial problems - according to our marriage counselor - is believed to be from hubby's ADHD. FEMALE Marriage counselor feels 99.9% hubby is ADHD. Hubby refuses to seek a psychologist because it's a "psychologist". So naturally, hubby tells me I am bi-polar cuz I have "severe mood swings" conveniently around the time of PMS-ing & his ADHD ways don't help one bit. I spoke to his mother (whom may also have ADHD) & found out hubby's brother was diagnosed in1st grade with ADD however; off Ritalin cuz of side effects. Cousin of the family (mother's sister's son) also has ADHD.
I need some major help before the marriage is ruined. Marriage counselor refuses to see both of us (only me) until hubby goes to the doctor. Hubby called another marriage counselor (MALE COUNSELOR) to start counseling again. I'm praying that this counselor will see the same behavior problems in hubby & hubby sees it's not a bias'd reaction (male vs female counselor). Anyone married & partner is ADHD & not on meds?
Answers: Martial problems - according to our marriage counselor - is believed to be from hubby's ADHD. FEMALE Marriage counselor feels 99.9% hubby is ADHD. Hubby refuses to seek a psychologist because it's a "psychologist". So naturally, hubby tells me I am bi-polar cuz I have "severe mood swings" conveniently around the time of PMS-ing & his ADHD ways don't help one bit. I spoke to his mother (whom may also have ADHD) & found out hubby's brother was diagnosed in1st grade with ADD however; off Ritalin cuz of side effects. Cousin of the family (mother's sister's son) also has ADHD.
I need some major help before the marriage is ruined. Marriage counselor refuses to see both of us (only me) until hubby goes to the doctor. Hubby called another marriage counselor (MALE COUNSELOR) to start counseling again. I'm praying that this counselor will see the same behavior problems in hubby & hubby sees it's not a bias'd reaction (male vs female counselor). Anyone married & partner is ADHD & not on meds?
The male vs. female counselor thing shouldn't matter. It shouldn't ever matter in counseling. The male counselor will see the ADHD too so don't worry about it.
If I ever write a book for spouses of ADHD people, I would call it, "It Will Mostly Suck for You!" I am ADHD and I feel bad for my wife because of my behaviors and symptoms related directly or indirectly to ADHD. I loose things, lack that general in-memory todo list we call responsibility, never finish anything, cost us extra money, forget anything that isn't in my PDA and, well, I'll leave out the differences in the bedroom for now. I think my wife has a lot of anxiety and most of it is caused by me. If our marriage ends, it will 98% chance be about this.
There are stages that most people go through when they find out. I remember being interested that there was a reason on why I was the way I was, astonished that I was actually different (I didn't see I was for my first 25 years of life), excited that there were options to help me, lost on why they didn't work like I thought, angry that my school never caught it and on and on. Give him some time and get him a copy of "Driven to Distraction and see if he will read it.
Only he can help himself. Show him the evidence and show him the options once he is calmed down about all this is having a good day.
Let him know that life can be more normal but being ADHD isn't bad...he is in great company with some of the best people out there.
Go to the male counselor. If your hubby has ADHD, it won't matter the sex of the counselor.
it sounds like you need some help yourself, stop blaming your husband all the time
my husband also has ADHD i just used it to my advantage. since he can't sit down, i suggest for him do the dishes and the laundry.
Maybe if your husband saw the list of famous, highly intelligent people with ADHD he would relax a bit and be willing to see a doctor. Wow, he's in good company, Einstein, Alexander Graham Bell, Bill Cosby...try the link below!
I have adult ADD, although I am not yet married I have been a long term relationship for the last 5 years. The medical/psychological community do not refer ADHD for adults, its dampened by age and maturity and develops. It is now just considered ADD. Medication is the best way to get through the day, and the most effective on is Stratera. I myself do not take medication because not big on remembering to actually take it. You best bet is not to approach the situation like he has the problem and he needs to fix it. I person is more likely to seek a change when you can see the whole picture. Perhaps your insistance that he's ruining the marriage is what keeps him from realizing there is a problem. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Help him by creating stucture in the marriage. Form patterns in your everyday life and routines... an ADD adult can live without medication, but it takes focus and support. Don't harp, jugde or condemn rather just light reminders to complete tasks that were started. If he can't concentrate, help him by being another mind to bounce off of rather than expect him to just get it. It takes patience, understanding and support to be with someone with ADD. It's lifelong and his choice to seek treatment. So it's really up to you whether you want to try to make the relationship work or if your will let your anger and impatience for his idiosyncrasies over take you and destroy it. There are support groups and material you can find and maybe when the stress of what "he" is doing lightens up he can get past his own pride and resistance and try out medication. I am sure that if he did try it would make him feel a little more focused. Though it might still not fix the marriage. That's up to you both... and not a little pill.