I'm 19 - Life's Purpose/Advice on Depression? I am a failure and am deep!


Question: Mental Health/Depression/Philosophy

I'm currently the saddest I have ever been in my life. Ever since I left for freshman year at the University I attended I have been sad and disappointed with the results my actions and life choices have brought me. I only stayed for one semester and got involved with many bad habits I didn't have with my more private life before I left for the "big world and freedom." I have contemplated my current relationship with my girlfriend many times over seeing in many ways that she is not ambitious, motivated, philosophical enough to satisfy and/or be a positive impact on me. To make things worst I grew up in a shady neighborhood and now moving back in with my parents, I am once again in that environment.

Smoking may have cause me to be forever changed with the way i view life, and the way I suspect most everyone and everything to be negative. I am a very negative person and I'm crying out for help. It is very hard for me to complete school.


Answers: Mental Health/Depression/Philosophy

I'm currently the saddest I have ever been in my life. Ever since I left for freshman year at the University I attended I have been sad and disappointed with the results my actions and life choices have brought me. I only stayed for one semester and got involved with many bad habits I didn't have with my more private life before I left for the "big world and freedom." I have contemplated my current relationship with my girlfriend many times over seeing in many ways that she is not ambitious, motivated, philosophical enough to satisfy and/or be a positive impact on me. To make things worst I grew up in a shady neighborhood and now moving back in with my parents, I am once again in that environment.

Smoking may have cause me to be forever changed with the way i view life, and the way I suspect most everyone and everything to be negative. I am a very negative person and I'm crying out for help. It is very hard for me to complete school.

You're not a failure - your life is just starting!

I read a book many years ago called "The Road Less Traveled" and the first line, in fact, the whole book was about the fact that "Life Is Not Easy". It went on to say that as soon as we can grasp this and truly understand it, life commences to become easier.

You're at a crossroads in your life right now - you're becoming an adult and you have decisions to make that will affect the rest of your life - and they're not easy decisions, I know. Please open your eyes, become fully aware of your surroundings and try to take the right roads. It will save you a lot of backtracking (and pain) in the future.

First, depression at this time of your life is not uncommon. You have a lot of life-making or -breaking decisions to make right now and it can seem overwhelming, especially with the way the world is now. Growing up in the 60's and 70's was hard for me - sex, drugs, rock-n-roll - sound like fun or does it sound like a recipe for a disaster waiting to happen. Growing up now has got to be so much harder. There is so much more insanity going on in our world now that is considered "normal" by a lot of peoples' standards. Just read some of the questions and answers on this board. Please don't buy into it. Just because some people or even a lot of people do something doesn't make it right, doesn't make it the answer to your problems. And if you fill your life with things that are wrong, that make your life MORE complicated, don't be suprised when your life turns out wrong and / or complicated. I'm sure you're smart enough to understand that. You seem to be. But we all make mistakes - that is how we learn - remember that. I wasn't much better growing up. There were so many wrong decisions I made that I wish I could undo now. I do know one thing for sure: Finding the correct answers in life is hard enough when you're clean and sober and trying to do the right thing. If you add drugs and alcohol and other "addictions" to the puzzle, well I'm sure you can figure out that answer too. And I define addictions as anything we continue to do despite the fact that it is harming us and / or others in some way. Many times we turn to addictions to dull the pain we are feeling in other areas of our lives - a prime example would be to cover up feelings of a low self-esteem. Another reason would be because we're not having or have not had enough of our "healthy needs" met. But we can begin to work on those issues and correct them slowly but surely.

It seems as though you are on the right path - you're looking for answers - you're reaching out for help and you're becoming aware of what some of your problems might be. And you're being honest and truthful about it - you're not trying to cover-up the negatives. That's excellent. That's the way to do it. Oh, it's hard, I know! It's hard to look at all this painful stuff. It's so much easier to just take a drink, pop a pill (or joint), or engage in some ravenous sexual interlude or go on a shopping spree so that we don't have to look at these issues. The problem is that by doing those things, we never deal with the real questions or with our real needs. In fact, by dulling our perceptions we end up not being able to even recognize what our true needs and responsibilities - to ourselves and others - really are. And little by little we start digging ourselves into a hole. One day we wake up, realize how far down we've gone & wonder what happened. But for anyone reading this who has dug themselves deep into a hole, don't despair - you can slowly dig yourself out, but it's going to take a lot of work and there will be missed opportunities that may never present themselves again. That's why, at the age of 19 it is wonderful that you're starting to look at this stuff now. You're just coming to the main forks in the roads of your life. Choose wisely. Your happiness depends on it.

Although I know that certain circumstances are more conducive to leading a happy and healthy life, please know that other people have been in worse situations than you and have still found happiness. I'm talking about you mentioning the area that you're moving back into - the "shady neighborhood" - it's not permanent, just be aware of your surroundings and use your best judgement until you can get out of there.

As far as parents go - they don't come with papers that say they're perfect either. They struggled / are struggling for answers just like us. And, they did not have the benefits and opportunities (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual) that we have available to us now. They had some, but many times they just had to "wing it" with what little was available. I wish you the best of luck - you sound like a very capable 19 year old who is struggling with life's issues - which, believe it or not, is a "good" sign. At least you're not in denial. At least you've got your eyes "open".

Hey! You're too young to conclude that you're a failure. Maybe you're lost by now but you can't say that you're a failure. You are yet to experience the beauty of life. You haven't even reached half of your life time. Just pray, trust yourself and persevere.

do your parents have very high expectations of you?
I ask this because you mention that you fell that your GF is not measuring up to yours.
If you are following this trend, it can definitely end up making you feel depressed and a bit worthless, as you describe.
Try very hard not to turn to drugs/ alcohol while you are feeling this way, because these things have the potential to magnify your negative feelings and can even tip you into a downward spiral which is very hard to get out of.
Alot of young people go through/ have been through this stage of life (me included).
If you can manage it , take some time out - maybe on an extended trip. This can help in clearing your head and getting some perspective on what direction you really want to take in life.
Good luck - you are definitely not alone in these thoughts





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