I'm 28 and am allowing my self to be bullied. Please help?!
Question: i work at a pharacutical company the last 6 months and to be quite honest i just cant face the place anymore. I started working there in October 07, at the start i loved the job and really looked forward to going in, but now i hate it, my team coordinator has made it horrible for me to work there, I'm terrified of him, hes a bully and shouldn't be aloud to train a dog. at first we got on great...we had a laugh and it was such a nice place to work in. then as time went on he turned horrible on me, i then realised some of the things he was saying to me was making me very nervous and afraid to even be around him. i had to go to my GP because i couldn't handle the sleepless nights and he put me on sleeping tablets witch I'm off now because that wasn't doing me any good, then i tyred hypno therapy then even acupuncture to try calm me and help me not worry. I was going out of my mind and brought this home with me every day. It is horrible. What should i do
Answers: i work at a pharacutical company the last 6 months and to be quite honest i just cant face the place anymore. I started working there in October 07, at the start i loved the job and really looked forward to going in, but now i hate it, my team coordinator has made it horrible for me to work there, I'm terrified of him, hes a bully and shouldn't be aloud to train a dog. at first we got on great...we had a laugh and it was such a nice place to work in. then as time went on he turned horrible on me, i then realised some of the things he was saying to me was making me very nervous and afraid to even be around him. i had to go to my GP because i couldn't handle the sleepless nights and he put me on sleeping tablets witch I'm off now because that wasn't doing me any good, then i tyred hypno therapy then even acupuncture to try calm me and help me not worry. I was going out of my mind and brought this home with me every day. It is horrible. What should i do
Unfortunatly you are not alone in this- happens very often, particularly to women-
The good news is that you are 28, therefore it won't be as hard for you to get another job as it would for someone much older, if it comes to that-
FIRST- you need to understand that he is not making you sick with his bullying, YOU are making yourself sick from it.
There are good reasons- you are acting either from automatic habit (knee-jerk reaction) somebody with power over you scared you in the past, probably as a child and/or
in the past you did not get to develop enough self-confidence, so there is always the fear of "l must be doing something to deserve this", usually sub-conscious.
You need to understand this so you can put the thing in perspective and handle this situation- You did not cause it but you can take steps to make it STOP.
The bully is doing this because he CAN.
He may find it fun, or he may be doing it for control, or he may be doing it to impress somebody else, or he may be displacing anger about pressures on him... who cares,
YOU ARE NOT THERE TO BE HIS PUNCHING BAG!!!
you have power, you just don't know you do.
You have to show him by your attitude that you are just a few degrees better than he is- that's called PERSONAL AUTHURITY- you can build it and project it.
1- the more he sees he intimidates you, the more he will do it, you are giving him permission.
2- learn to look him in the eye- just look at him. say nothing, but do not look away- first one who looks away looses- that's a game of domination, which he is playing on you.
3- when you look at him, picture him in baggy underwear. If you giggle all the better- realize he is being ridiculous-
4- learn to speak to him very softly, very slowly, as though you were addressing a three-year old having a tantrum. BUT do not feel or show anger- pity is what you want, anger will make him angry and worse, pity will shame him.
5- learn to ask- same tone, "why do l FEEL like you are harrassing me?" (feel is not an accusation- accusing him will make it worse- harrassing is a legal term)
6- do not let him draw you into one second of arguing- back and forth- because that will give him more justification. What you're aiming for is a patient mother with a total brat.
8- ask him when he starts-You seem to be unhappy with my work, what is there specifically that l can do to improve my job performance? Put him on the defensive.
9- start documenting- date, time, situation, what he did and said that was unappropriate., sign. See if you can get it witnessed...keep a personal file. Particularly if any remarks have sexual inference or innuendo-(you women...)
This jerk is only a team supervisor- he's got a few people above him. Start checking out attitudes of the higher-ups.
His boss, personnel, even vp- whoever, don't complain yet, but start asking questions like how does this company feel about employee harrassment?
Read employee manual thoroughly, bring it to personnel, make no accusations, don't name names, just start asking "what happens if a male supervisor..., oh, no, l was just asking."
To be continued... keep my info and email me if you need to.
POWER TO ALL WORKING PEOPLE!!!
kick her in the teeth itlll work trust me
Quit your job. Seriously, you don't need or deserve to be treated this badly. If you love your job, go to your team coordinator's boss and complain. Explain your situation and see if you can't all work together to resolve this.
Report this gimp now !!! You have a right to be happy and treated with respect in work get this sorted by your boss and if they dont sort it go legal
Time to take stock of the situ, and it does sound horrendous for you. I honestly think its time you called it a day, and got a new job. Your life will be so much better away from this nasty person.The longer you remain around him, your confidence will ebb away to zilch. :You sound sensibly intelligent to get another job reasonable fast. Start searching Monday morning. Good luck.
Well what does your supervisor say that makes work so bad? You might have grounds to file a complaint against him and most employers allow for anonymous complaints. Do your other coworkers feel the same way about him? Get them to join you too.
you should try for another job, do not let that man get to you, its not worth the trouble its causing you. he is simply a bully and probably gets a weird kick out of treating you so badly. dont let him win and make you feel beneath him, you are better than any bully or control freak. look for work in another chemist, you might be pleasently surprised at your findings, good luck and dont let the creep get you down!
it may not be easy but you need to get some bottle up and tell him to leave you alone, if not do u always want to be pushed around. Bullies only bully people who allow themselves to be bullied. I m not being horrible but you are 28? you need to grow a backbone.
Maybe he has a wife or sister or friend who he owes a favor to, or for whatever reason would LOVE for that person to have your job. But the only way he can make that happen is to make life miserable for you at work and make you quit.
So consider that possibility.
oh my goodness, this is terrible. Make a log of everything thats happened and tell someone- pref his boss. Is there anyone else who will back you up?
> write everything down (inc witnesses)
>Speak to citizens advice
>speak (anonymously at first if it helps) to someone at your HO.
You dont have to put up with this and you deserve so much better. You have medical evidence too. it may be a hard and stressful thing to do, but how much harder will it be to carry on like this?
Good luck- it will work out xxx
Bullys at work should be reported. Bullying is wrong no matter where it is. Is there anyway you can keep a diary or something of the times he is mean as evidence, go above his head way above if necessary, explain that you do your job blah blah and this man is making it difficult for you and now your suffering high levels of stress. Or speak to a union rep. Or the other solution is to change jobs and move away from this cruel man but then you need to think about the next person he will pick on. Is he bullying or upsetting anyone else, inquire and ask the other staff members you may find they feel the same but are scared of confronting him.
If there are others then the boss cant argue, with more than one person coming to him regarding bullying he has enough evidence against this man.
p.s keep your head up there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, its him thats unhappy and has to pick on others to feel better about himself. Hold your head up high and let his words wash over you, and remember your not the bad guy he is.
His behaviour is unacceptable. I would strongly advise you to take your matter to a higher authority. Speak to his supervisor, tell them how you feel, how he is treating you and how uncomfortable he makes you feel.
It's a good idea to start a diary, writing any incidents in it so you have some form of proof.
When you speak to his authority make sure you tell them you feel as though you are being bullied. Use the word bullied. When employers hear the word they step up their attitude. They will probably sort things out for you but if not, take the problem higher.
You definitely shouldn't be taking any hassle from people at work, particularly not your superiors.
I wish you the best of luck honey xx
It's hard to go up to someone and tell them what they are doing to make you uncomfortable. I know.. But you need to go tell someone above him. Maybe others have complained too and your report could help. Don't just let it go. If you love your job then you should stay there. He doesn't deserve to be a boss.
You don't say what the man is saying to you to make you afraid. If he is sexually harassing you or threatening you in any way, you need to talk to the personnel department.
Write down all the incidents you can remember, as close as possible record: day, date, time, location, offensive comment or action, and the names of any witnesses. While you're putting the list together, write down any new offenses that happen until you're ready to go to the personnel office.
If the personnel office won't help you and you are really afraid of this man, you might call your state's employment department to ask them what the next step should be. Or, maybe you need to call the police.
You also should update your resume and start scouting the job market ~ be sure to make up a very positive reason for looking for a new job. Never bad-mouth your current or previous employer to a prospective new employer.
sell drugs to buy a gun then shoot him in the head.
hope you find that usefull
you need to deal with the problem. theres no point being unhappy day after day. either get a new job or talk to your boss. if you don;t want to quit. Just ignore him, its all about your outlook. I you really don;t care what he says to you, then you won;t get upset. I think you should tell him how it is, tell him hes ruining the atmosphere and hes a jerk, whats he going to do? fire you? free speech, you are allowed your opinion. If things dont change and you can;t handle it, leave.
1. You are not ALLOWING yourself to be bullied. Bullies are awful, callous, have no moral fibre, lack honesty, are insecure and have to make everyone else feel insecure to get the higher ground. It's not a result of your actions!
2. I think it sounds like you did the right thing to get off sleeping pills because you need to address the problem otherwise you'll continue to wake up/not sleep with anxiety.
3. If he is threatening you which is what it sounds like, you have to be strong enough and disciplined enough to make a record of any times he acts in this way, try and build evidence against him. Try and subtly find out if anyone else is feeling the same way...they will back you up. Then take put disciplinary action against him, that's what HR is there for! Don't be scared to use the systems in place that are there to beused for this exact reason!!
4. Realistically if you face up to him and he gets fired, then you may feel you have to move jobs, again this will take courage, but if you stay there, and do nothing, you will wake up every day and think oh no I have to go to work today, so you'll probably want to leave anyway.
Sorry to get so fired up but I know alot of people who have suffered in silence and end up losing their careers that they have worked hard to get because of people like that.
dont let the bastard drive you away from your job. thats what he wants ! start standing up for yourself and if that dont work, report him to his boss. do not let him win or you will regret it for the rest of your life. HE HAS NO RIGHT TO TREAT YOU LIKE THIS!!!!!! best of luck.
He sounds a right bastard. Report him to HR or union. Just stand up for yourself. Its only a job but there is no need to continue to torture yourself. You will not be the first person that he has bullied and you will not be the last if he is allowed to continue.
Keep a record of everything that you have done and been through. You can leave the company and go straight to an industrial tribunal stating reason for leaving. KEEP THE RECORD.
Its hard to say, because I've never been in that situation. But I've been in the situation where I have been treated unfairly and spoken to badly. At first I was too scared to say anything, but then I thought. What is the worse that will happen if I say something? Seriously, what is going to happen? He could shout back, oh well I'll shout back twice as loud. He might hit me? Oh well, he'll lose his job or I'm much bigger than him, I'll hit him back. The absolute worse thing that could happen for me, is that I'd become humiliated, but oh well, it will be forgotten in a day or two.
I did speak up once, we were both carrying something heavy out of a van, we dropped it and he started shouting and swearing at me saying "what the f*ck di you do that for" so I retaliated told him "f*ck off, you dropped it bla bla" and he never really bothered me much since.
You need to make a stand, just say leave me alone, it can go either way. The bully will back off or give you more stick. If the latter happens, try to be strong, get in the mindset that you just don't care anymore, scream, shout as loud as you can, make a scene so everyone can hear and see what a bully he/she is, if it gets violent, don't react with violence, you may come out bruised, but the bullies proffesionalism and job will be at risk.
Sorry to hear you are in that position and good luck.
Report them. Or tell them that certain things they are doing are making you feel uneasy and you wish for them to maybe give you some slack?
Or you could look for another job where you would be doing something similar, and once you get another job, you can quit that one.
Hi... T he weapon you can use against this bully.... is to just ignore what he say's... or just laugh in his face... he will soon realise your not a easy target and will get tired.. and leave you alone.. good luck .. bye bye
hi jenny i am 28 years old as well and found myself being bullied by a work colleague and for someone who is usually the life and sole of the party i found this very distressing and was taking it out on my family. this person was second in command when my manager was off and also a close friend of my manager. i took the appropriate steps of handing in a letter of grievance and the doctor signed me off. the matter didnt get resolved and i was offered a position in a different part of the company but refused it partly through pride and have since left the company. this woman has now started to bully someone else but seems invincible. please follow the right steps good luck xxx
Bullying at work is now a convictable crime,also casually mention to him you have taken up boxing to control your agression,see what reaction you get,i have found that no matter what the cost,never ever back down,they will get bored first,if you dont act bothered.
get a new job and in the new job right from the get go if someone is nasty to you; give it back ten fold. Not good at giving it back; like anything else..practice. Start with simple things like flip the bird to people who cut you off driving, tell loud people at the movies to shut up, tell someone who says something you don't like to f___off, practice on family or not so close friends, the best practice comes in places like restaurants, you could say to the waitress "holly crap took long enough". Luck to you...don't be the victim any more.