How can I learn to deal with things maturely?!


Question: Im 16, and Im really worried because I only have the rest of this school year, and then one more until I have to go away to college. Im so immature, I cry over everything, I get a sore throat every day because I think Im getting a cold and I have such a massive fear of being unwell. I have to text my mum constantly with my worries and problems, I cant look after myself, and I panic every time Im away from home for more than 1 night.
Im really not going to be ok going to college. Nothing bad has ever happened to me which I think is why Im so immature and I cant put anything into perspective. Please help, what can I do? I desperately want to be a normal mature-ish 16 year old and stop panicking and relying so heavily on my mum for everything.


Answers: Im 16, and Im really worried because I only have the rest of this school year, and then one more until I have to go away to college. Im so immature, I cry over everything, I get a sore throat every day because I think Im getting a cold and I have such a massive fear of being unwell. I have to text my mum constantly with my worries and problems, I cant look after myself, and I panic every time Im away from home for more than 1 night.
Im really not going to be ok going to college. Nothing bad has ever happened to me which I think is why Im so immature and I cant put anything into perspective. Please help, what can I do? I desperately want to be a normal mature-ish 16 year old and stop panicking and relying so heavily on my mum for everything.

My answer is classified into the following points, please make sure you read them thoroughly !

1. ALL teenagers are insecure. There is NO such thing as a mature teenager. If you see one, he/she is just pretending.

2. Its OK to be afraid. This is gonna help you take precautions so not to do anything wrong.

3. This is the most crucial point of your life, so make sure you dont do anything wrong.

4. I like your idea of texting your mom, and letting her know of your problems. That should help you in making decisions.

5. There isnt enough time in life to do mistakes by yourself and the figure out the solutions. Life is an express when it comes down to that! So, you just gotta learn from others' mistakes too. Look around, you'll see what Im talking about.

6. I dont think you have many friends, maybe one or maximum three. Try to speak out to people, and make many friends. Humans are social creatures that live in groups, NOT solitary beings.

7. Its better to ask 40 times than to fall down once. Be voracious in asking and getting what you want. Rise your voice whenever you have to. Dont hold back.

8. Its wrong to think you cant look after yourself. YOU CAN. Its just an insecure feeling that'll come to pass soon enough. All you gotta do is have confidence.

9. The most important thing you gotta do right now, is take some time off. Just get off for a day or two from everything. SIT DOWN, and figure things out.

10. I dont see any major problems in your life, you should be just fine. The reason you panic if you stay out of your place for more than a night is because of the values your parents gave you. BELIEVE ME, they're good!

11. Dont do things you're uncomfortable with. Im 22 and I still feel uncomfortable and panic when Im sitting with people who smoke! Thats because from a young age, my parents taught me to associate smoking and drinking with monsters and evil people. I thank them for that, because I dont have ANY bad habits.

12. Go along with the current. Always travel in groups. That goes for going away from college too. Have a bunch of friends who are gonna be in the same boat as you even after college.

13. My gf has problems of getting feverish, she cries if anyone shouts at her. Her behaviour stems from the fact that shes allergic to a lot of things.. Some varieties of food, petrol smell, fumes, you name it!! Go to a doctor if you think you're getting feverish more often.

14. Last but not least, Enjoy life ! People have been cured of Alzheimers' disease after they started being happy. Im sure you'll recuperate soon enough.

Hope my advice has helped you...

My technology blog: http://pcriddler.blogspot.com

From what you explain, I feel it is a little more than just a matter of maturity.

It is interesting that you know deep inside yourself it has something to do with nothing bad has ever happened to you.

Your parents (mom) have been sheltering you a little too much where it crossed over into controlling you. The person who is being controlled is usually not aware of the control.

The effect is that you didn't get to learn for yourself, your parents were making all the important decisions for you, as a result you have no quite a bit of anxiety when you are on your own.

To overcome this you will need to take controlled first steps to being on your own a little more. Don't be worried, be prepared, the more prepared you are, the more control you gain back.

Two important things:

1. education has the biggest effect on your life, take it from me, I am over 40 and have seen so many people on different levels. (this assumes you don't win in the lottery or get lucky otherwise)

2. If everything goes as it should, you will be without your parents eventually, better to prepare yourself. (this assumes you live longer than your parents)

As a result you will need to build a future for yourself, no big deal, everyone else is doing the same thing, you will get it done as well, you can do anything if you put your mind into it.

Hun, honestly I'm not going to tell you what you need to do because I don't fully know the situation. But one thing is that you don't have to go to college right away!! My sister stayed a year with us b/c she didn't feel that she was ready to go out on her own. Now she is in college and she still calls my mom daily but that year gave her more confidence so that she can be on her own. She got a job and matured with that. Just know that there is no set time where you MUST leave the house. Some kids want to get as far away ask possible and some are pretty content where they are. Just relax and take a breath and know that if you are not ready to be on your own, you don't have to be.

Good Luck =]





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