What Is Wrong With Me?!?!
Question: I have severe depression and social anxiety - so much so that I was removed from a schooling situation because it was traumatizing to me. Several doctors have suggested, but never put on file, that I'm bipolar.
I go through periods where I feel disconnected with the world around me. I sleep more because my dreams and daydreams are more real to me. I feel like any emotion I have I'm squeezing out of a very small tube. I don't feel the "correct" emotion for situations; sometimes I'm angry over something seemingly normal, or cry over a car commercial. Then I want to go jogging at 4am and run, run run until I feel again, until I collapse. I feel like I have blinders on the side of my face, keeping me looking one way on auto-drive while I just live out a dream life somewhere else.
I need to break free from this. Sometimes I feel like ripping the house apart, doing anything extreme to give me one last boost of emotion.
Any suggestions? If you're not a prick, that is.
Answers: I have severe depression and social anxiety - so much so that I was removed from a schooling situation because it was traumatizing to me. Several doctors have suggested, but never put on file, that I'm bipolar.
I go through periods where I feel disconnected with the world around me. I sleep more because my dreams and daydreams are more real to me. I feel like any emotion I have I'm squeezing out of a very small tube. I don't feel the "correct" emotion for situations; sometimes I'm angry over something seemingly normal, or cry over a car commercial. Then I want to go jogging at 4am and run, run run until I feel again, until I collapse. I feel like I have blinders on the side of my face, keeping me looking one way on auto-drive while I just live out a dream life somewhere else.
I need to break free from this. Sometimes I feel like ripping the house apart, doing anything extreme to give me one last boost of emotion.
Any suggestions? If you're not a prick, that is.
You sound a lot like me. I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. The thing about doctors and Bipolar Disorder is that it can be hard and complicated to diagnose in youth. I started seeing doctors for mental health reasons around 9 and when I was 12 it was suggested for the first time that I could possibly be Bipolar. Unfortunately... up until a few months ago I was never officially diagnosed.
You see... Bipolar goes through phases of mania and depression. These are NOT short phases unless you have rapid-cycling bipolar. At such a young age, its difficult to tell if you're just going through a singular phase, if its behavioral problems, or if you are really bipolar. At your age you probably haven't gone through enough transitions that they could accurately diagnose you.
I understand your frustration though because no one was willing to treat me or give me a definitive diagnosis. Now that I'm aged 19 I've been to several doctors who have all suggested that I'm bipolar, and I've been through several phases of severe mania and depression. At my age its much easier to diagnose.
I really feel for you... because sometimes you get so angry or so sad or even so happy that you feel like you're just going to flippin' implode. Screaming always feels like its the right solution... and everything makes you cry. You want to do really weird things at really weird times. I often times get the urge to go running at 4am and I've actually been known to wake up out of a solid sleep and go do just that.
I also sleep for days and days on end only getting up to pee and eat. No TV, no nothing. I just sleep and sleep and sleep until I can't functionally make my body do it anymore. I'll dream about everything and it just seems so real to me. I did this a lot after my dad died. I was having a lot of dreams about him and I just wanted to be somewhere that felt real to me with him in it. Dreaming was the only way to do that. When I'm really missing someone... I usually do the same thing.
You seem a lot like me, and I'm Bipolar. I'm not a shrink, I've never been to medical school... but I can clearly see a kindred spirit. If you ever need someone to talk to, I definitely understand how pis**d off you must feel sometimes and how alienating some disorders can be. My yahoo messenger is sum12stupid4u, and that's extended to anyone who feels like they really need to talk about their problems, including you.
Sounds somewhat like me. So I guess if we have the same problems we can't help each ther. unless you were here.Even than who knows?
I feel the same way you do all the time. I can get mad at the smallest things. Someone can just say a certian word and i go off. And the bad part is I dont know why. Im 16 will be 17 in may and I just go crazy or small things. Or i cry over a childish TV show. My mom as Bipolar and my doctors are saying I am as well