Why do people with Borderline Personality Disorder push away people close to the!
Question: Why do people with Borderline Personality Disorder push away people close to them? If they have this "fear of abandonment" then why do they tell their loved ones to leave them alone and to go away? This doesn't make any sense to me.
Answers: Why do people with Borderline Personality Disorder push away people close to them? If they have this "fear of abandonment" then why do they tell their loved ones to leave them alone and to go away? This doesn't make any sense to me.
It is a comfortable pattern and allows the BPD person to continuously reinforce their behavior. A BPD subconsciously ruins a relationship without knowing it; self sabotage is a better way of putting it. They are so afraid of being hurt and/or abandoned that they behave in a manner that forces the issue and lets them be hurt and abandoned in the long run. When they realize that they actually caused the abandonment, they attempt to "make things better" and want to continue the relationship. Of course, once the relationship resumes, the BPD suffered will inadvertantly start the self sabotaging behavior. Truly they don't want to be alone, but they have no control over this either; a common symptom of BPD is lack of impulse control so even if they wanted to stop behaving in this manner, more than likely they can't.
And BPD makes sense to no one, really. Even those of us who suffer it can't really explain it; we just keep working at it to get better someday and reach what other people call "normal".
your example illustates this disorder very well. Borderlines tend to keep things kind of mixed up.. it is very frustrating to deal with. THey sometimes push the abandonment that they expect... and you can't do anything to stop that behavior. Come here... go away... and on and on
Because she knows once she allows you to get close, you can hurt her emotionally.
My guess is that they're afraid that if they let the person get close to them then that person will abandon them. Thus resulting in the person with the disorder pushing them away so they won't have to deal with being abandoned.
because they become paranoid and overly self-conscious and hyper embarrassed + convince themselves that you will be shocked by their 'true character' or their behaviour etc + that then you will leave them or not want to be close to them after seeing them in this vulnerable/needy/weak/weird state etc
or they are suspicious of your motives for wanting to be with them and doubt your intentions and think if you are genuine you will soon realise you have made a mistake and leave anyway
and the whole thing is just a bitter circle
it is difficult to reassure someone feeling this insecure that you love/like/accept them as they are
and it's hard work too
I hope that helps a little
Those people require extra special attention. They need time to sort out their thoughts. They think perfect when they are alone, and other people jumble them up.
From section 15, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Does this person: Alternately want to be close to others, then distance themselves?
(Examples include picking fights when things are going well or alternately ending relationships and then trying to get back together.)
Cut people out of their life over issues that seem trivial or overblown? ~~~ Read the rest onsite: unless she adopts an effective form of treatment, such as DBT, you will experience the above, regularly, until it is over, and she moves on. Print/refer her.
Honestly, i think she really doesnt like you but is using the borderline as an excuse. MOVE ON! PLenty of borderlines get married and have families...it doesnt stop them from truly being with someone they love. Sorry. you need to face facts.