How can you get over and forgive yourself for the dumb things you did on drugs?!
Question: I had been an addict (still am, but am staying clean) to prescription downers for years. Not constantly, but a few times a month I would take tons of pills at once and just act like a total baffoon. I hurt people's feelings, I fell asleep at work, I wrecked my car, I slurred my words all over the place.
Well now that I am clean and sober, the memory of all the just shameful things I did is haunting me so bad that i'm ashamed to go out in public, and it's almost pushing me to use again to escape the pain of humilitation. How can I leave that past me behind and let people see how i've changed, without feeling like everyone just still sees me as the town junkie.
Answers: I had been an addict (still am, but am staying clean) to prescription downers for years. Not constantly, but a few times a month I would take tons of pills at once and just act like a total baffoon. I hurt people's feelings, I fell asleep at work, I wrecked my car, I slurred my words all over the place.
Well now that I am clean and sober, the memory of all the just shameful things I did is haunting me so bad that i'm ashamed to go out in public, and it's almost pushing me to use again to escape the pain of humilitation. How can I leave that past me behind and let people see how i've changed, without feeling like everyone just still sees me as the town junkie.
I feel for you, and it's a great question. I am also recovering (from the exact same behavior and drug of choice), and I too suffered for years with thoughts of all the crappy things I did while using. It kept me awake at night. And in quiet moments, those thoughts would creep in. And I never thought anyone (my family) would ever be able to see me in a new frame.
First, the only thing that seemed to ease these thoughts was knowing I wasn't alone via meetings. Granted I am not a big meeting person, btu it did help when I went.
Second, healing comes from being compassionate to yourself.
Third, recognize that you are a different person now. You were not who you truly are when you were using. You are now who you truly are, and you don't have anything to proove to anyone but yourself.
Fourth, some people get relief from their past deamons by working the 12 steps (specifically, making amends). This step can free you and enable you to really let go of your past mistakes and forgive yourself.
When I forgave myself and became compassionate towrds myself, I was able to care less about how others saw me. I did not have to proove to anyone I was ok. I had to learn that how I saw myself was much more powerful than how others saw me. Their opinions did NOT define who I was, just as they don't define who YOU are.
For what it's worth, I've been exactly where you are, and I now have peace of mind. You can and will too.
Erin
PS - Feel free to email me if you want to unload, vent, or talk more.
You have to forgive yourself. Remember you were not responsible for your actions when you were an active addict. You were caught in the grips of insanity. If you forgive yourself and do upstanding things people will see as upstanding. Just stay honest, loyal, trustwortjy, and people will see you as that. You have to take the actions to get the response. Trust in a higher power.
I believe you should face the people that you are referring to that you hurt etc... and apologize and let them know that you are trying to stay clean, and you want to change your life.We can only apologize as humans to the ones we hurt and if they accept or not it is up to them.
Do not miss any of your meetings !
And I feel that you should stay away from the people that are still using, so they do not tempt you with a drug etc.. and they will do this because they are not in the same mind as you are now.
GOOD LUCK with one of the hardest things in the world :)you can do this !!
The only thing I've done is weed, but it has affected me greatly. I've done things that are so stupid, and in public too. I am so ashamed of it and it brings back so many bad memories that if I get a feeling that even resembles being high I almost have a panic attack. All you can do is stay clean and prove to others (and mostly yourself) that you have changed. The best you can do is be a better person now and if no one accepts that then they aren't worth it. Be glad that you experienced all the things that you did, be happy for all that hurt you, because now you have that many more things you know not to do, and now you have that many more things to learn from.
as long as you know you changed, that's the most important thing. i used to be an addict (marijuanna,coke,heroin,etc.), it ruined my life and that was all i cared about. now i haven't taken drugs in over three months and plan to stay that way. you've changed for the better. let people know by being responsible and as long as you know it, it will be okay and get better in time and people will most likely forget all about the past.
Only going out and doing well in your life will help others see in time that you are different. But be sure that you don't put what they think ahead of staying clean for yourself. It kinda gets lost in the jumble sometimes and you end up trying to prove yourself to others. If you are going to stay clean then you will and they'll have to accept the fact that youv'e changed. If they don't then maybe their not people you should have in your life or even care what they think about you.
First of all, you are making amends by staying clean. Everyone that was offended by you will see the change in you and forgive you for your indiscretions. If they don't then they are the ones with the problem. You can't hide away because of the past. Live for the present and future. You can't change what's been done so there's no sense in worrying about it. You are doing the right thing, are they? We all make mistakes in life, but we move on. No one is perfect, so put your mind at ease that you are no better or no worse than anyone else. Now that you're free and clean, start looking forward to the good things in life.