My abusive older sister- please help?!
Question: I am 23, my sister is 33, ive just moved back into the family home (been in uni for 5 years). I am in a lot of debt and have no job, but I will be moving out soon.
Since the age of 14 I have suffered anorexia, depression, got diagnosed with BPD ( what young woman dosent ha ha).
my sister from a very young age has always been abusive towards me, when i was 6 and she was 15/16 she pushed me onto a moterway/freeway, i got run over and she did not tell anyone, she rode off in her bike. I obviously needed treatment for stiches and broken bones.
when i was 12 she, was 22, she was yelling at me saying " why havent you started your periods yet?, why havent u got any titts? how many men have you fuccked so far? ( I was a virgin)
recently she has been saying " well at least I dont need to see a shrink? and " at least I dont make up false rape allegations" (I got raped 3 years ago)
how do i deal with someone as sick and twisted as her?
I really hate her and have no respect for her.
Answers: I am 23, my sister is 33, ive just moved back into the family home (been in uni for 5 years). I am in a lot of debt and have no job, but I will be moving out soon.
Since the age of 14 I have suffered anorexia, depression, got diagnosed with BPD ( what young woman dosent ha ha).
my sister from a very young age has always been abusive towards me, when i was 6 and she was 15/16 she pushed me onto a moterway/freeway, i got run over and she did not tell anyone, she rode off in her bike. I obviously needed treatment for stiches and broken bones.
when i was 12 she, was 22, she was yelling at me saying " why havent you started your periods yet?, why havent u got any titts? how many men have you fuccked so far? ( I was a virgin)
recently she has been saying " well at least I dont need to see a shrink? and " at least I dont make up false rape allegations" (I got raped 3 years ago)
how do i deal with someone as sick and twisted as her?
I really hate her and have no respect for her.
The other answers are correct. Stay as far away from her as possible.She's toxic. You need to get out ASAP and learn, slowly, what 'normal' is.You have some ideas of what it is, from college, but the years of abuse have probably blinded you to some answers that are out there.
And what has caused her to be like that? Parents? What are her experiences?
I live in a place where I've finally been able to see some USA TV. 'Super Nanny' has helped me learn what 'normal' is and how my parents failed. Often Dr. Phil helps a lot too. I liked Dr. Laura on the radio, and her books, despite what many people have said about her. (her anti-gay thing is minor compared to all the good work she has done.)
Trying to sort your own emotions, reactions, and decisions from what is unhealthy and abusive, to what is normal, healthy and wise takes a few years. The first thing is physical safety. You need to remove yourself from such a toxic environment, and learn slowly, how to take care of yourself. Joining a support group of some kind - even just on the Net - can be very helpful.
Please do not think by moving away from your family, all your problems will be solved. You're young. You've lived with horrendus abuse and don't seem to have had enough help or love to overcome it all. And you may have made some poor choices at college (most college students do - and I certainly did - like learning how to become alcoholic in college).
First, Maslov's pyramid of needs: safety. Physical, then emotional, and then intellectual (some add spiritual too). Be kind to yourself and realize to transform your life will take a few years. It's okay. Don't hide your problems or deny them now. They'll come out when you're over 30 and really mess up your life then! Work on them now, so by the time you're 30, you'll be pretty much cured and on your way to a lovely adulthood.
Good luck! and yes, it takes YEARS to heal some pain....
Zola
she sounds like the one with real issues here. I'm really sorry, but I don't think there is much you can do. Only a person can make themselves change. She doesn't seem very understanding, but maybe you can try talking to her. Or maybe you can seek therapy and learn to love yourself and deal with the treament of your sister.
Try to avoid her. Don't keep anything personal in your room. Go out when she's in, stay in when she's out.
Look for anew place asap.
Your sister is mentally derranged, and if she hasn't sought help by now, she's unlikely to. I'm sorry youve had such a miserable life with her.
You need to move out. It is unhealthy for someone to act like that towards you. Remove yourself from that situation as soon as possible. Obviously she has unresolved issues that she is taking out on you.
Dear!
I'm so sorry for what you're going thru! I have an older sister as well, she's about 30 now and she's abusive as well, the only difference is that she's not physically abusive as your sister is.
Believe me, it won't get any better it'd only get worse. You should work hard, find a job , save some money and move out where you won't see her face again..
Be safe,
Ruby
Dont take it anymore!
when i say this i dont mean fight back or become just as low as her...
but dont sit there and take it, she does this to you to make her feel better about herself. i no its hard but just forget about what she says. if her life is so pathetic that she has to pick on u then you no that in the end u have won and u have done better than he in life and she is jealous
but just make sure whatever you do it doesnt put u in serious danger
hope that helps and the best of luck to u
Move out.
While trying to get a place do not go around her. If she is in the house go out with friends. And don't keep private stuff where she can find it.
Wow im sorry you had to go thru that. Sisters are suppose to be there for each other and support each other not tear each other down. You need to let her know how she is/has made you feel and that your a grown woman now and you wont stand for it any longer. If that doesnt work you need to distance yourself from her or cut her off completely. You dont need such a negative person in your life. Good Luck!