What can I do to help my husband with bipolar disorder?!
Question: My husband suffers from bipolar disorder but we don't have any medical insurance and the state took away our medical card, said we made too much, but I don't see how! So he's been off his meds for about 9 months now and I don't know how much longer I can live like this! I never know what to expect from him, I feel so bad for our kids because they're getting scared of him. He wants his meds back so bad! When he's off his meds he can't keep a job. Now that he's not working we're hoping to get our medical card back but if he even gets a part time job at McDonalds they'll take it away again. He starting to get more violent hitting me and stuff, he's never done that before! He thought about committing himself, he's been thinking suicidal thoughts, he says the meanest things to me and a little later, he apologizes and says he don't know why he said it and that he loves me. I love him to death but I don't know how to deal with this anymore.
Answers: My husband suffers from bipolar disorder but we don't have any medical insurance and the state took away our medical card, said we made too much, but I don't see how! So he's been off his meds for about 9 months now and I don't know how much longer I can live like this! I never know what to expect from him, I feel so bad for our kids because they're getting scared of him. He wants his meds back so bad! When he's off his meds he can't keep a job. Now that he's not working we're hoping to get our medical card back but if he even gets a part time job at McDonalds they'll take it away again. He starting to get more violent hitting me and stuff, he's never done that before! He thought about committing himself, he's been thinking suicidal thoughts, he says the meanest things to me and a little later, he apologizes and says he don't know why he said it and that he loves me. I love him to death but I don't know how to deal with this anymore.
Some states have a special program for mental health issues--he probably should commit himself, they'll get him on some meds and can help with finding the right program. They'll be pretty motivated to do that if they know you've got no insurance and they don't stand much chance of getting paid.
I'm bipolar and have been without insurance for some time, but going of my meds is out of the question--I see a psychiatrict nurse practitioner who does my med management. She charges $90 for the first appointment and $60 for appointments after that. She gives me as many samples as she can, but most of my stuff has been moved to generic now so my monthly drug cost is $600/mo if I buy in the US. I live in Arizona and drive across the border to Mexico and buying there saves me half.
If he's not working he should apply for Social Security Disability, and get an advocate--a lawyer who will help him through the process. You own them a third of the back payments the state owes you (up to a year) but the process is long, confusing, and intimidating and not the kind of thing a mentally ill person can do for himself.
There is the last resort....he'll get good treatment in prison. It doesn't take that much domestic violence to send somebody away. It sounds awful, but if it's the only way to save his life and maybe yours....well, it's a sad state of affairs when you have to be a criminal to get mental health care, but that's how it is.
Okay, so beyond those options there are some behavioral things he can do. He (or you) need to learn when he's going into either a manic or a depressive swing and try to head it off at the pass. When he's manic he'll be irritable, unable to concentrate, have racing thoughts, talk too fast, want to start all kinds of projcts, and probably won't sleep much or well. It's when he's manic and not sleeping that things will get really bad for you and the kids. Benadryl acts like a sedative on a lot of people, so that might help him settle down and maybe even sleep. When he's manic he should also be left alone as much as possible, stay away from crowds and bright lights and noise. He probably won't be able to read, but DVDs (so no commercials) can provide something to focus on, also card games. Ear plugs are a really great thing, because they not only block out annoying ambient noise, but they force you to hear your own breathing--I often unconciously hold my breath and they help with that. The sound of one's own breathing can be very soothing. I wear earplugs a lot.
On a depressive cycle, he'll start sleeping a lot, have no energy, maybe be unable to get out of bed, and feel miserable and hopeless. When you see this start you want to go the other way--get him into the shower, into clean clothes and out in the fresh air. Lots of depressives self-medicate with sugar and caffeine....not ideal, but it is a little bit helpful.
The more you control one swing, the more you control the corresponding swing in the other direction.
Good luck.
he needs professional help. your great to look after him but the two of you cant do it alone
It sounds like you are in america and I don't know about organisations in the USA, in the UK organisations like MIND and SANE can be really helpful - perhaps you could access them on-line, they may be able to provide links to american organisations. Just to echo, your husband needs professional help...please don't try to carry on coping with this alone - you need to look after yourself first and foremost so you can be there for your family.
Darlin' The first thing you have to do is stop the drinking. He is medicating himself with alcohol. He has to find the root of his hurts and start to deal with it. Pills and chemicals are only ways of treating symptoms. They are also a way of agreeing with socioties current view that we are all supose to be the same. If you love yourself then you can set the boundry to stop the physical abuse and emotional abuse. With strength you can understand were the emotional abuse comes from and brush it off, but remember that your children are not you. They are learning how to respond to their envoroment and he is teaching them. Help him clean up and find his place. Protect your children. It is noble to stand by him and please continue to do so but your not alone. Protect your children and show them that they matter before they end up like him. There is a reason why I know this. Help him and help them. Use your strenghts not his weaknesses.
This is so hrd for your family- I am a rapid cycler of bipolar so I do know the symptoms very well. There are homeopathic and herbalmedicines which treat this very successfully, however you have to leave the country to get those and you can not bring those back in so that's kind of out of the question. St. Johns wort helps some, although it did nothing for me but it elevates my high cycles. Make sure he drinks enough water daily too- the brain needs this water for proper creation of seratonin naturally. Also there are foods that can promote natural seratonin development in the brain- peanut butter- turkey(mostly promotes melatonin which creates sleep) warm milk (an old wives tale that actually has beneficial value)this also helps with insomnia which is common in bipolar. Another option, you said he has become somewhat violent, if he voluntarily admits himself into a menatl health crisis facility- often the ER can arrange this with a psych eval. Most hospitals will hndle that through the ER and no payment is required initially and if no insurance is available then the hospital must by law accept even $1.00 each month as an attempt to settle a debt. This route is not always comfortable for the person with bipolar, but could at least give him medicine when he is admitted and upon his release if you explain the situation to the doctor you can get a prescription for more medication. without insurance its not easy to buy the pills.check walmart pharmacy online-they are offering many of the older mood stabilizers for $4.00per prescription- have the doctor prescribe one of those or contact the pil manufacturer via email and often they have programs to assist in treatments at a low cost.
Most of all, be safe, and keep your children safe. you are certainly not alone. you can also join a support group for other families who are dealing with bipolar within their families. It helps to talk about your feelings with people who understand. Also be sure you maintain your own diet and health-its easy to forget yourself when bearing such illnesses. remember bipolar is an illness like the flu- it is not something your husband has done or has any control over
I hope this helps at least a little;
good luk and God bless
wanted to add-bipolar is considered a mental disability- and he can claim SSI and SSD...this usually takes about 10 months to be approved. But if he is unable to work, this can be well worth the wait, additionally after approval of SSD he will get medicare or medicaid to cover doctor visits and prescriptions. so, apply fast :)