How can I fill this emotional hole?!
Question: I have been struggling with my parents since I was 8yrs old..(i am now 32). recently i have needed to distance myself from them. they are bad for my health. There is only so many times i can listen to their opinion that i just dont make the mark....but now...i have a big huge gaping black hole in my heart (the hole where a mother should be) and i dont know how to fill it. i have no mother behind me supporting me, i have no mother to cheer me on, and i have no mother to give me that all important hug.
admitedly i never had any of that to begin with, but there was always hope. i have totally lost hope now. after 20years i thought i would see a glimmer of light, but i havent. its time to call it a day for me and move on.
oh what can i fill this hole with? it hurts so bad.
Answers: I have been struggling with my parents since I was 8yrs old..(i am now 32). recently i have needed to distance myself from them. they are bad for my health. There is only so many times i can listen to their opinion that i just dont make the mark....but now...i have a big huge gaping black hole in my heart (the hole where a mother should be) and i dont know how to fill it. i have no mother behind me supporting me, i have no mother to cheer me on, and i have no mother to give me that all important hug.
admitedly i never had any of that to begin with, but there was always hope. i have totally lost hope now. after 20years i thought i would see a glimmer of light, but i havent. its time to call it a day for me and move on.
oh what can i fill this hole with? it hurts so bad.
Change your roles. If you put yourself in the position of the need to be accepted by them, having them minister over you and treat you like their child, so you will be. If you place yourself in the role of their equal and address your concerns "for them" (as they relish doing to you in their somewhat condescending way), and "of them", taking interest in their health and pointing them in the right direction for their affairs, or recommending a better diet or to lose the cigarettes or the booze, or get out and get some exercise and read a good book instead of rotting in front of TV (you see where this is going)? Get a positive and pro active part of their growing up and they will see that you are a capable adult and that they should put more energy into their own life's affairs, not yours. If you are sharing a home with them, which is not uncommon anymore considering this economy, you need to have less contact, or move away a bit. And, between you and me, sounds like you have not found a soul mate yet (at least you didn't say so). If you do what is their reaction? If not, sign up for a night school class in something you enjoy and meet people in a positive environment like higher education. That seems to be where that empty spot probably is, like a room with just one chair. You got to fix that and don't be intimidated if you have different likes from the norm. Personal acceptance is more easily addressed with others who feel as you do. There are a lot of on line places where people go to meet others that are compatible. That whole meat market bar scene is a waste for anyone with any intelligence, but then it has some positive points in perspective.
You seem to have a lot of stress in your life. You need to read these words of wisdom until something sets in. Hope this helps.
Ten Rules for Success
1. Find your own particular talent.
2. Be big.
3. Be honest
4. Live with enthusiasm.
5. Don