How do you talk to someone who lost their memory?!


Question: I have a grandmother that had several strokes in the past. She now has a hard time remembering the past. She asked me in a phone conversation today how my grammy was doing. My grammy has passed away 3 years ago. My grammy now, knew that at some point. There are alot of things she asks and if I told her the reality of it all it might set her back. Do I tell her the truth or do I play along with what she is believing? I am so upset about this. My mom keeps telling me to play along with what she believes. I don't know that, that is the right thing to do!! Please....someone help me who has delt with something like this before. I am losing my Grammy :o(

Answers: I have a grandmother that had several strokes in the past. She now has a hard time remembering the past. She asked me in a phone conversation today how my grammy was doing. My grammy has passed away 3 years ago. My grammy now, knew that at some point. There are alot of things she asks and if I told her the reality of it all it might set her back. Do I tell her the truth or do I play along with what she is believing? I am so upset about this. My mom keeps telling me to play along with what she believes. I don't know that, that is the right thing to do!! Please....someone help me who has delt with something like this before. I am losing my Grammy :o(
I am so sorry. I work for an assisted living facility. We have several people here with the same thing, Alzheimer's, is a very cruel disease.
We are trained to "help" them through it. We play along with them because many can become agitated. We also do things to help their memory.
We play music from their era, we play games they played, we show photos and even do "Life Stories" for them.
Life stories is fun and easy, get a scrapbook or photo album. Find out as much about their childhood as possible, as this is what they regress to. In the front of the book put things like birthdays, who their parents were, just general info. Ask friends and loved ones about what you could put in this book.
Finish it out with current memories like great grandchildren, current outings together and so on.
Good luck, it breaks my heart every day, but I love the smile I help to put on their confused faces. They all have something great to share, so just be patient, listen and love!!!
I think that you should just talk to them as if you always have! that would be the best bet i think..cause you could explain things to them again and maybe bring yall both to laugh and jus have fun Report It

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    • You should play along with her, so you don't make her feel guilty.
    Talk to her about "today".
    When my grandma couldn't remember much we used to take some things for her to look at, like old photos of her and family etc, hope you are okaay
    it sounds like she has alzheimers, watch the movie "the notebook" it's cool. but here
    http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Alzheim... they deal with alzhiemers
    It's very hard. The thing is, making Grammy comfortable in her mind. If you constantly remind her, "No, Grammy, he died, she got married, etc etc" then Grammy is always wrong, and will be worried about herself and her memory. That's why we play along as your mom said, to spare Grammy feeling like she's losing her mind. That's a very scary feeling and one Grammy doesn't have to experience any more than absolutely necessary.
    play along with it i guess... u cant do nethingh abt it... she is gettingold and one day she will not be with u and u have to accept that...
    Play along with It.. No need to get her upset.... I dealt with the same with my Grandmother.. I have also worked with a lot of Alzheimer patients in Nursing homes and have always been told that playing along with it is what I should do.. It will just make her nervous and anxious to try to tell her the truth.... No need to get her Anxious and Nervous, what shes going through is hard enough on her as is...if she asks how your Other Grammy is, just say "oh, shes Fine" and dont elebarate.. (she died and is in Heavan, so therefor she IS fine, so you are not lieing)..good luck to you and your Grandma!!
    My sister works with Alzheimer patients and she said the best thing to do, which might seem counter-intuitive, is to play along. She said the patient's mind goes from one moment in time to another, having no stable sense of the present. Sometimes the patient can vividly tell you things from the past. Other times they are in the present, very much aware that their spouse is no longer alive etc. Sometimes they mistake you for another person. For instance she might mistake you for your mother etc.

    If you help her straighten the thoughts in her mind, perhaps this might disappoint you because you are trying so hard to help your loved one remember, but it is unpredictable to say if your efforts are really helping.

    The only thing you can do is accept her condition and spend as much time with her as possible. Have good conversations with her. Enjoy the moments with her before her condition worsens. Try to be happy when you are with her. If she smiles back, that will be one of the best memories you'll have of her when she passes on, trust me.

    I lost my mother, but that one last smile gives me a warm feeling whenever I think of her and I know that I'll be ok no matter how sad I might feel at the moment because she gave me that one last smile to remember her by. If a sick loved one is strong enough to smile then you can too.
    I hope you understand or one day you will.
    This is normal.Just don't lie and tell her the truth and get a therpist to help you in this delicate situation.Don't play along with her because she won't take you serious or ever believe you again for LYING.
    I had clients who have issues with family who have lied to them there whole life and have trust issues.Please do yourself a favor and save the $$ of treatment and headache when you have to confront the truth when she does not see her"grammy"which is pure and simple.


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