Im really worried.. What's wrong with me?!
Question: My symtoms:
Sever depression that comes and goes but never is gone that long.
Anxitey
feeling like dieing
I have got more and more parnoid over the last year and a half.
I use to not have these thoughts. I think there are camras set up and people are recording me. That some how everyone is against me and that they are all in this big game together and are all against me laughing about my ever move and planning on how they are going to hurt me. They are only being nice to me to hurt me in the end somehow. I feel like certin songs are on with hidden messages to me and they are watching my reaction...
I could go on but thats about the most of it. I know how crazy this sounds and it scares me and i know its not really but I cant stop thinking like that.
I had a really bad childhhod and have beem in and out of therapy since 13 but it was only for depression.. I have done some drugs but not an addiction thing and have not touched any in some time. Im 21... Im really worried.
Answers: My symtoms:
Sever depression that comes and goes but never is gone that long.
Anxitey
feeling like dieing
I have got more and more parnoid over the last year and a half.
I use to not have these thoughts. I think there are camras set up and people are recording me. That some how everyone is against me and that they are all in this big game together and are all against me laughing about my ever move and planning on how they are going to hurt me. They are only being nice to me to hurt me in the end somehow. I feel like certin songs are on with hidden messages to me and they are watching my reaction...
I could go on but thats about the most of it. I know how crazy this sounds and it scares me and i know its not really but I cant stop thinking like that.
I had a really bad childhhod and have beem in and out of therapy since 13 but it was only for depression.. I have done some drugs but not an addiction thing and have not touched any in some time. Im 21... Im really worried.
You are just freaking out because you have noticed patterns within your life and society, and you are now stuck looking at them.
One thing you can do is to "think positive", and whenever you think something has to be a certain way you should realize and say, "it doesn't have to be that way".
I don't believe there are cameras, laser beams, or any of that, but I do 100% think it is completely sane and logical to think everyone is against you because we live in a "survival of the fittest" society, and everyone being against everyone is what that boils down to on a philosophical level if you think about it. The only thing you need to grasp is that no one (or very few) are actually against YOU (everyone is just against everyone).
You feel like people are watching you and laughing because media, advertisers, and marketers understand how to properly manipulate people (your symptoms come from your subconscious realization of this). Its kinda like being half awake to reality - that's why you are freaking out.
In order to gain a better grasp you may want to keep in mind what I said and then really study how marketers control our actions (think about it - they must do it pretty dang good if they spend millions on commercials). I'll give you a hint: Every color, every word, and every image has been scientifically tested to see how it will cause you to feel or react. That is why we should ACT and not REACT.
You are at a crucial point of seeing things as they are, or cracking up ("they" want you to crack up, eventhough they don't know it).
Everything has a hidden message and meaning (there is nothing crazy about that) - you are just seeing reality and you think you are freaking out because you have been told it is crazy to think everything has a hidden meaning though if you really sit down and think about it everything has at least two meanings or two purposes (you can prove that by looking in your dictionary and seeing all the different meanings for one word). You can further prove it by combining language and body language, or you can prove it even further by coparing other things.
If you want to know what is the most likely truth all you need do is look at nature (what God made, not what men made). I say "most likely" truth because that is the closet we can ever get to absolute truth being mortals who have limited brain capacity and understanding. An example would be breaking things down to their simplest form: Like you don't live in a house you live inside a tree or a stone made to look like a house; you don't live in man's creation, but man's recreation.
Seeing things this way helps you to focus on what is and is not reality. You need to understand that man's society is "smoke and mirrors" (real, but not quit what it tries to make itself out to be), and nature is God's reality. That you need only be as paranoid as much as you are willing to fear the "smoke and mirrors" of man's society.
There is definite reason to distrust, but that doesn't mean all is lost. You will realize all is not lost when you see the beauty of how nature functions compared to man's society (which is a "survival of the fittest" mess). Mankind takes all the balance and beauty of nature and twists it into an extreme as s/he fights for control.
In closing, look at your symptoms and break them down to what you are really trying to say: you believe you are being watched, listened in on, manipulated, etc. You are describing a hyper-paranoid episode about the realities of man's society. Once you realize that you can then figure out from there where you should look for your answers.
Its kinda like the matrix - adults don't normally get brought out of it because they freak (too attached).
I have those same exact thoughts sometimes, like even that you just put this up on here so "they" could see my reactions or something. Just chill and live your life, get out of that trance in your head that makes you think the way you do, and just focus on the present, or if you still can't find something that takes your mind off it and if it is serouisly freaking you out, then just try to accept it or something. I think everyone has to be a little bit insane, right?
I think you should go to a psychiatrist ASAP.
There is a book called IM OK YOUR OK.... This book explains im ok your ok is healthy... Im ok your not ok is paranoia.... Im not ok your ok explains depression... Im not ok, your not ok expresses psychosis behaviors... Some of your descriptions expresses psychosis behaviors.. You may go in out of this, but it is more in depth than depression... You may need a support system, one you can trust... Also book Healing the Child Within explains a lot of your descriptions..
Likely, you're clinically depressed.
You should see a doctor about this and soon. Clinical depression is the result of your brain not making enough of a drug called endorphin, so you'll need pills to stimulate you brain into making more.
The other stuff might be a side effect of the depression or something else - only your doctor can tell for sure.
Be absolutely honest with him or her - they can't help if you don't tell them what's wrong.
Im so sorry you are going through this.
Im not calling you crazy, you clearly have mental health problems which need help. No one CHOOSES to be sick (mental health wise). What you can do is get help and be happy & healthy!
There are a million reasons you could feel this way and just as many options to help you out of this rut.
Dont let people get on here and bash you. You are HUMAN.... you are asking for advice and here's my two cents (hope it helps)
You need to print this page..and continue to add to the list ...ALL THINGS that are bugging you and that you know are not completely normal.... This is the only insight professionals will have to better help you.
My husband cannot sleep well. He constantly has RUSHING thoughts about death/dying (he is NOT suicidal but cannot stop the thoughts)...he goes through hi's & low's...and MUCH more, he has been working with professional help and he is doing SOOO much better. He takes a pill which helps him get to sleep and stops the horrible dreams.. (kills two birds with one stone). Even better..he feels rested and well in the AM (giving him a good start to his days...its called Risperdal. He also takes Cymbalta... (because he has severe depression and PAIN with that)... cymbalta picks him up even more...
So all you can do is work with professionals. If you dont like the one...switch! Find the one professional you really fit with and you will see improvement fast!
Also...as Ive suggested to all people I answer going through a hard time, its very important that you have friends and/or family you can count on. People to watch out for your lows and help you .... you need support you can count on. So figure out who you can trust and open up to them NOW!
I love writting letters and emails to express myself..I often find it hard to talk to people, so that I can get the help and support I need... so thats how I talk to them....
I also journal alot of my feelings, worries, stresses, etc and I will let people see that too (so they can have insight). By journaling... it allows me a way to clearly sort out how I feel and why. I write each issue on a page (page 1 might be money, page 2 might be my relationship with my mom, etc, etc). then I continue to add to those issues, I write feelings about them, ideas on how to resolve them, etc.... before i know it they are usually resolved! (or I can at least show others for their support and advice).
Just some ideas...I hope something Ive said has helped.
I hope your day improves and I wish you luck on getting to a better place!
You need to seek professional help from a therapist. You didn't mention what kind of drugs you did and I know you've heard this before but some people react differently to even the most seemingly harmless drugs. With a bad childhood combined with perhaps drug induced phycosis you will need counseling. I have a brother who went thru a very similar time in his life he had to learn how to tell the difference between what he imagined to be real threats and what actually where, he is able to function now due to years of guidance.