Is there any way to help someone with severe depression?!
Question: He tells me he's not good enough for me. He tells me he does not deserve my (or anyone else's) help. He will not seek even professional help because he feels to ask would be to waste another's time, he feels himself that worthless. I love him so much and can't bear to see him do this to himself. Is there anything I can do? I just want to see him happy. He's been this way for years but I have only recently gotten close enough to realize how deep-set the problem really is. Help me - anything!
Answers: He tells me he's not good enough for me. He tells me he does not deserve my (or anyone else's) help. He will not seek even professional help because he feels to ask would be to waste another's time, he feels himself that worthless. I love him so much and can't bear to see him do this to himself. Is there anything I can do? I just want to see him happy. He's been this way for years but I have only recently gotten close enough to realize how deep-set the problem really is. Help me - anything!
I know you love him a lot, but i think you might want to be careful to not take responsibility for his getting well. I know that must sound like an odd thing to say, but what i'm thinking of is co-dependency. The difference between loving someone with a problem and being co-dependent or loving them and NOT being co-dependent is basically realizing where the line is and where they must be responsible for themselves.
It's very hard loving someone with a problem when they refuse to get help they need. I know this from personal experience. Yours is not really so different a situation from loving someone with a drug or alcohol problem. If he was getting help and trying things to get better but still depressed, then that would be a different situation, but he's clearly stuck and refusing professional help, and in my humble opinion, like loving an alcoholic you need to realize that you can't rescue him or help until he's ready to help himself. Do you see what i mean? I don't want to see you become unhappy, but this is also for his sake...
Co-dependent situations are interesting, in that the best intentions of the person who loves them is actually making it easier for the person with the problem to continue in the same manner they have been. I don't know exactly how this works, but I do know the key is to load the scales in the other direction... so that they become more motivated to seek help because they have more negative consequences if they don't. Sometimes this even means an ultimatum, "Get professional help or i walk." And that's tough.
I just thought i'd throw this out for you to think about. You know your situation better than i do and are better to judge. But i believe there is a limit to what you can do to help another person. Like the old saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."
Best wishes to both of you and good luck.
talk to him about medication or therapy, there are mood enhancement pills that can help him fake "it" for awhile until he can cope and deal with his depression. Other than that the only thing you can do is just be there for him after all people that are depressed usually rely on the closest people to them for support.
Yes, go walking with him. If he wants to spend time with you, go walking. Exercise helps depression. Start at 30 minutes at a time and build up.
Also, get him to go to a doctor for a check up. He might have low thyroid, which can cause depression, and a simple pill a day will help him overcome it. Or he might listen to a doctor.
Also, read some books by Dr. Martin Seligman. He's written about ways to increase happiness.
ask someone you trust to help
better a counselor or therapist
In severe cases, medication is the best bet. But with deep-rooted problems like his, he needs therapy too, to help him falsify these negative and distorted thinking patterns and low perception he has of himself. Ain't depression a b*tch? At least he has someone who cares enough to want him to feel better.
He needs help-- and now not later. He sounds like he's escalating in depression and he may try suicide--you may have to go behind his back and talk to his parents- if they are open. Or you can drive him to the local hospital that has a mental health program and "trick" him that you need to see someone and have him see someone....he's on the brink and I'm as scared as you are....even if you call 911 and ask for the mental health agency-- there is a counselor on line 24/7 everywhere in the US--you can call now and talk to them and maybe you can get him to talk to them.......he needs help, and this is too big of a deal for you deal with alone....please call.
You can do the guilt trip---tell him if he really loved you he would talk to someone because you want him to--and keep playing that over and over that if he really loved you bit-- it might sink in and you might reach him through this depression...if he has friends you can trust-- call them and tell him you're going for fast food and take him to the ER.