10 years after my sister died and I am still grieving...?!
Question: She died very suddenly 4 days before x-mas. We actually had her funeral on x-mas eve. I have never felt the same and can't shake this feeling of grief. She was my older sister and best friend.
I've tried anti-depressants and counseling, but they don't work. Do you have any suggestions to where I can have some peace of mind? Thanks.
Answers: She died very suddenly 4 days before x-mas. We actually had her funeral on x-mas eve. I have never felt the same and can't shake this feeling of grief. She was my older sister and best friend.
I've tried anti-depressants and counseling, but they don't work. Do you have any suggestions to where I can have some peace of mind? Thanks.
First of all let me start by saying how sorry I am. I understand your grief. I lost my brother 8 years ago and i too still grieve. many days and nights i would just start thinking about him and would want so desperately to just go back in time when we were all safe and sound back home. Unfortunately, that can't happen. So, I learned to focus on the many happy memories that we shared. as kids and as young adults. It really does help. The pain of them no longer being here is very great but memories do help ease the pain. You will never get over the loss but it does get easier. Many times when a loved one passes suddenly it feels like alot is left un-done. Try writing your sister a letter. that's what I did. I told my brother how much I missed him, then I told him how angry i was that he left, even though it wasn't his fault, and how much I loved him. They are gone now my friend but only gone in human form. They are never gone from our hearts. Good luck to you and I hope this can help in some small way.
Loosing someone your very close to is very hard, and you can try every pill out there, and talking to every doctor but the only thing that will make you deal with this is purely forgiving her. You are grieving bc unconciously, you cannot forgive her for leaving you. You have learn how to forgive before moving on. There are no steps or books to help you learn, everything comes from within. I know this isn't the answer you were expecting but honestly, it's the way it is.
aaawh i'm really sorry that sucks =[
You have to make new Friends and time will take its course. You will never get over your sister's death, but it will get easier. Keeping busy is the key.
I am very sorry for the loss of your sister. She would not want you to spend your life grieving for her. What would she say to you if she knew you were wasting your life feeling bad about about her death (something you had no control over and cannot change)?
My older sister died suddenly and without warning last August. It is so hard to be without your lifetime best friend. I understand. My sister would be sooo angry with me if she thought I was spending time crying over her instead of living my life. She is gone, I have grieved, I will always miss her.
You will always miss your sister. Some days will be harder than others. Don't feel guilty living just because she is gone. It is okay to go on with your life. She would want that.
There are web sites that might help. "Good Grief" has some good suggestions. Search "Good Grief" and "Grieving" , it will make you really sad to read some of it, but it will help you move forward.
Good luck.
No drug will help!!! Get busy and set some goals you want to reach. Your sister would be very disappointed if she knew that she is causing you this much pain. She doesnt want to HURT YOU!! Focus on worthwhile things in your life and stay busy. Dont sit around brooding. All you are doing is cutting years off of your own life. DO SOMETHING TO HONOR YOUR SISTER, not make her out to be a bad person who is ruining your own life. She wants you to MOVE ON!!!
I can't tell you how long you will grieve, I know that for me it as taken an extremely long time and what makes it harder is that people just do not understand. I keep hearing"get over it" "it has been long enough" "you have to go on living, life is for the living" I lost my first brother when i was in high school (1980) car accident and I did manage to grieve much less within a year or so,I lost my second briother, another car accident when in law school (1990) we were very very close. I had to drop out for a year. In 1998 I finally got pregnant after 13 years of trying, had triplets and two of my baby girls died, I still gave gut wrenching pain when I think of rocking my little girl in my arms after we agreed to take her off of life support. My final blow was 2004, ehan my twin brother died in yet another car accident, then his widow remarried 6 months later and moved his 4 girls to Canada. I basically had a nervous break down that lasted for over a year. I really did not comprehend what the word depressed meant. I started seeing a counselor , taking snti depressants and anti anxiety meds, he taught me that i had not fully grieved any of my losses b/v "I WAS JUST DOING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE TOLD ME I SHOULD DO, GRIEVING THE WAY PEOPLE TOLD ME I WAS SUPPOSED TO" so basically when seth died in 04 I finally let it all out for all of my suffering. I lost my job, staye din bed for a year, got divorced, i was a mess. but it has been nearly four years since i started the counseling, allowing myself to grieve my own way and until i read your question i had not realized that i had not thought of any of the people i lost , not yet today. each day has been getting better and better but i still have horrific days, the holidays just about tear me up, their b-days, anniversary of their deaths.
The only advise I can give you is what worked for me. My Dr. Told me to quit trying to stop hurting, quit shoving it out of my mind, that i had to live through the grieve before i could remember them with love and think of the good times. he had me listen to favorte songs we shared, go through old home movies, scrapbooks, write goodbye letters tot hem, things i had not been able to do before b/c i tried so hard not to think about it. once i let myself realy grieve i meand cry hysterically htrow things hit the wall, tear up pictures of them (my anger stage) it was a sugn that i wa sout o fthe denial stage. i read so many books of frieving coping getting on with life etc. i changed religions. i mae a lot of changes in my life and the most important one is now i never take one day for granted. i tell everyone whom i love that i love them b/c it will be too late when they are goen, i have done my best to mend broken relationships,i am now with a man who holds me when i cry rather than telling me "this is getting old you have to move on"
You will find your peace, we all do at very different times. people will tell you that 10 years is too long, unhealthy. To me it tells me how close you were and how sad you are and how much you miss her. grieve, cry, remember and say a final goodbye, i hope you find your peace soon. i am sorry i could not answer your question, sadly no one can. peace will come to you when you are ready to let go. we alll find peace at different stages, times etc. no way is the right way or the wrong way.
Oh dear.she was very close to you and therefore, for getting is very difficult.you might have been heavily dependant on her, her being the elder sister.
But she is gone,you will only meet her in the next world.
All you have to do is to get ride of all her belongings that keep reminding you of her sweet company.
Then,talk to other people much about her and her death.There, your will come to realise that, she is actually gone.
And the next time soemone says or asks you about her, it will be less painfull.
You could also a void,comparing your resent freindships with her friendship,because they will never be the same.
If you lived in the same room, it would be better to consider shifting from that room.
Dont do things the way you would have expected her to have done if she were here.Just do it your way
Good luck dear
try praying to God or writing a letter of unsaid feeling to your sister
First and foremost, I am deeply sorry for your loss despite the fact that we do not even know each other as I myself have experienced the sudden loss(es) of a loved one and friend.
The one that affected me the most was the tragic death of my best friend three years ago which still haunts me till this very day.
The both of us went drinking and were having a blast as usual without a care in the world. He was someone I deeply loved, respected and admired for his solemn resolve, exuberant personality and undeniable chemistry between the both of us. We were two guys simply living our lives supporting each other through thick and thin regardless of the consequences or severity of the situation.
He was an avid motorcyle rider and that fateful night after we emptied our beer cans, we decided to go for our usual ride around the city to enjoy the breeze and wolf whistling at random girls everywhere. I followed a few metres behind him as we cruised to the expressway and as we approached the onramp, I sped up so we were side by side on our bikes.
I still remember his face as I turned and gave him a friendly nod for no reason whatsoever as friends do. He returned the nod and smiled as we approached the expressway.
Without warning, he suddenly cut his throttle and braked hard veering left directly into the road barrier and causing a catastrophic crash. My eyes followed him from the moment of impact as his bike sent him diving into the concrete barrier and spun him around. He finally bailed out and his bike smashed in half as he was catapulted by the sheer force of the crash.
The next few moments were a blur as I was understandably shocked and almost forgot that I myself was heading straight into the divider due to my attention towards his collision. I immediately stopped and jumped off my bike without even bothering to put the side stand up. I took off my helmet and ran to his sprawled figure on the road shrouded in crimson red which jarred me as I approached him.
As I kneeled down beside him, I was relieved to see that he was relatively fine as I could not see any signs of major injuries other than some broken ribs and dislocated shoulder but to my horror, as I cradled him in my arms, I felt the horrifying texture of what I soon realised was brain matter on my arms. The back of his head was completely blown open but he was still hanging on to every breath. I remember gripping his hands tight and bursting into tears as I reluctantly accepted the fact that my best friend of twelve years was dying right here on this lonely stretch of road in my arms.
He gave me a weak smile and I kept assuring him that everything would be okay. He tightened his grip and I held him closer. His body started to shudder violently and I felt my whole body drenched in his blood and an unimaginable volume of brain matter spewing out from the gash on his head. He gave me another weak smile, gave me our very own secret handshake (which we invented years back) and heaved his last breath. I felt his body go limp as I heard the distant sirens of an ambulance (a passer-by called) grow nearer.
Needless to say, the degree of shock and disbelief I suffered was of a magnitude I had never experienced throughout my life as I had lost the one true person I considered to be my very own brother. I begged God to take my life so that I could see him again in confusion and unwarranted anger.
I drowned myself in alcohol, anti-depressants before burying myself in drugs as I grieved in denial. It took me a very long time to finally overcome my sadness and malicious self-destruction. I received a LOT of support from my family, friends and almost anyone who was sincere enough to assist me in recovering from the loss.
I started to talk to people about my feelings and discussed the loss with others who experienced a similar loss. I accepted that I was not alone in this world and slowly embraced the fact that my best friend was gone forever.
With your case in point, there is no sure-fire way to counter or cure your grief. You must find the courage and inner strength to move on and accept the loss as a part of life. I now believe that the death of my best friend somehow moulded and sculpted the man that I am today. I gained a significant amount of virtues and acquired a new-found perspective towards life.
I can only advise you to stay positive and believe that your sister would not want you to grieve for her and destroy your life. You must fight on and make her proud of you as they are never really gone from our lives. They still reside in our hearts and their memories can never be erased. Do not worry for you shall soon meet your sister and your love for her will always shimmer her soul as she watches you from above.
I hope it helps and please do keep your head up! =)
Sorry to hear about your loss. I have been there myself in my parents. its ok to grieve the loss. The only thing I can tell you though as others may not agree with me on this. I am going to ask you this....Do you believe in God and in His son Jesus? Have you accepted the free gift of life by His Son dying on the cross? If you have then with that is where you can find your peace of mind. Why you ask? Because if the both of you are christians then you WILL see her again. When I cant tell you but you WILL. By believing that Christ died for us and that He rose again from the grave gives us the ablility to conquer death. For in Christ we are not dead but "sleeping." Our bodies may die but our souls live. So have peace of mind that when the time comes you WILL see her again. We have that promise made to us in Christ.