What conclusions can you make about this shy girl?!


Question: You work with a very shy, soft-spoken young woman who has been having health problems lately. (She's severely asthmatic). She's usually very quiet and keeps to herself but occasionally will open up. One day, when she does open up, you also discover that a friend of hers has been treating her badly and making her feel worthless, like no one cares about her. Even though she opened up this information to you, she's still very shy and quiet at work though.

Knowing all of this, what conclusions could you make about her? What would you think of her?


Answers: You work with a very shy, soft-spoken young woman who has been having health problems lately. (She's severely asthmatic). She's usually very quiet and keeps to herself but occasionally will open up. One day, when she does open up, you also discover that a friend of hers has been treating her badly and making her feel worthless, like no one cares about her. Even though she opened up this information to you, she's still very shy and quiet at work though.

Knowing all of this, what conclusions could you make about her? What would you think of her?

it sounds like she has a hard time making friends so she sticks to whatever she has which in this case would be the person that treats her badly. she sounds like one of those people who has a strong beautiful person and personality trapped inside and cant let them out in fear of something will happen to her because of it! she sounds like she needs a good friend who will stick by her side and knows very well when things go too far but doesnt do anything about it.

sounds like she needs a friend..and seems like a very nice person to be around..

She should find better friends. See social anxiety/shyness, and self confidence, in sections 9, and 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.

Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit.

Try this for a month, in every situation you can. I am confident that you will become much more comfortable and outgoing. One form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and scream out: "I'm queen/king of America!", or something else ridiculous, then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: "Look at that idiot". But, you're probably not up to the stage where you can do that, yet (I can, and I used to be shy). Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don't go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don't do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: "I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me".
Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into your mind.
Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time and directions and gradually go bigger. Rewind your mistakes. Let's say you want to change an annoying laugh that you have, when you hear something funny, your old laugh will come out. You have to immediately think of what you wanted to happen, (i.e. your new, practiced laugh) and then do it immediately. It will be a little bit late, but slowly you will start to pair the two together, and eventually your brain will become conditioned to switch the first for the second. It usually takes 30 - 40 repetitions, to instill a new habit, with most people, so I estimate a similar amount, in the reprogramming process. ~~~ CONFIDENCE/SELF ESTEEM. See self esteem/confidence, in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and consider volunteering, even from home, at first. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).." Section 47 also refers. On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated: there are many options; one is sure to suit you. Practise one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you . Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at ezy-build also refer. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem, I deeply and completely accept myself". ~~~
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation. [ AND MINE: USE THEIR NAME FOR A WHILE, OFTEN, AT FIRST, SO IT HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF MAKING THE TRANSITION FROM SHORT TERM, TO LONG TERM MEMORY. FOR EXAMPLE: "What sort of things are you interested in, Mordecai? I like archery, and train spotting, but am no longer combining the two." next: "I'm from Upper Volta, Mordecai, Where are you from, originally?" READ SECTION 41, AT EZY BUILD, FOR MORE MEMORY TIPS.]

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice



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